Adventures in Agentland

A Little Perspective

2012-01-06T10:05:00.000-08:00

There've been a few author/reviewer scandals lately (see here and here) and it inspired me to want to start the New Year off with a little perspective.

Below is one of my favorite horrible reviews (and the poem it is reviewing) of all time:

Voltaire: "Poem on the Lisbon Disaster, or: An Examination of that Axiom 'All Is Well," 1755

Oh, miserable mortals! Oh wretched earth!
Oh, dreadful assembly of all mankind!
Eternal sermon of useless sufferings!
Deluded philosophers who cry, "All is well,"
Hasten, contemplate these frightful ruins,
This wreck, these shreds, these wretched ashes of the dead;
These women and children heaped on one another,
These scattered members under broken marble;
One-hundred thousand unfortunates devoured by the earth
Who, bleeding, lacerated, and still alive,
Buried under their roofs without aid in their anguish,
End their sad days!
In answer to the half-formed cries of their dying voices,
At the frightful sight of their smoking ashes,
Will you say: "This is result of eternal laws
Directing the acts of a free and good God!"
Will you say, in seeing this mass of victims:
"God is revenged, their death is the price for their crimes?"
What crime, what error did these children,
Crushed and bloody on their mothers' breasts, commit?
Did Lisbon, which is no more, have more vices
Than London and Paris immersed in their pleasures?
Lisbon is destroyed, and they dance in Paris!

Rousseau's Letter to Voltaire Regarding the Poem on the Lisbon Earthquake, August 18, 1756

All my complaints are . . . against your poem on the Lisbon disaster, because I expected from it evidence more worthy of the humanity which apparently inspired you to write it. You reproach Alexander Pope and Leibnitz with belittling our misfortunes by affirming that all is well, but you so burden the list of our miseries that you further disparage our condition. Instead of the consolations that I expected, you only vex me. It might be said that you fear that I don't feel my unhappiness enough, and that you are trying to soothe me by proving that all is
bad.

Do not be mistaken, Monsieur, it happens that everything is contrary to what you propose. This optimism which you find so cruel consoles me still in the same woes that you force on me as unbearable. Pope's poem alleviates my difficulties and inclines me to patience; yours makes my afflictions worse, prompts me to grumble, and, leading me beyond a shattered hope, reduces me to despair....

I cannot prevent myself, Monsieur, from noting . . . a strange contrast between you and me as regards the subject of this letter. Satiated with glory . . . you live free in the midst of affluence.10 Certain of your immortality, you peacefully philosophize on the nature of the soul, and, if your body or heart suffer, you have Tronchin11 as doctor and friend. You however find only evil on earth. And I, an obscure and poor man tormented with an incurable illness, meditate with pleasure in my seclusion and find that all is well. What is the source of this apparent contradiction? You explained it yourself: you revel but I hope, and hope beautifies everything...

I have suffered too much in this life not to look forward to another. No metaphysical subtleties cause me to doubt a time of immortality for the soul and a beneficent providence. I sense it, I believe it, I wish it, I hope for it, I will uphold it until my last gasp...

I am, with respect, Monsieur,
Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Ouch.

Voltaire had mailed a copy of his poem to Rousseau, and this was Rousseau’s response. Voltaire responded quite simply:

My dear philosopher, we are able, you and I, in the intervals of our ills, to reason in verse and prose. But at the present movement, you will pardon me for leaving there all these philosophical discussions which are only amusements.

He then went on to write CANDIDE, which Rousseau was convinced was written solely as a rebuttal to his criticism.

I know it’s tempting as an author to receive a bad review as a personal insult and a crushing blow to one’s career. Bad reviews suck. They really do. But just as it was within Rousseau’s right to respond truthfully and bluntly to Voltaire’s mailed poem, when an author releases a novel into the world, he or she has to be prepared for any response.

Guess what happened with CANDIDE? It became an instant bestseller. I have no doubt that Rousseau’s letter lit a fire in Voltaire…and that fire inspired and challenged him to do better, to defend himself, to move on to greatness.

And the only thing this back and forth accomplished? A juicy window into two historical figures – i.e.: gossip. Didn’t affect the impressions historians have of either of their work.

So just as it was Voltaire’s right to be crushed by Rousseau’s review or accept it and move on…I think any author should be grateful for honest responses and use them to challenge and better themselves…and move on. Voltaire may not have written CANDIDE if not for Rousseau’s challenge – or perhaps it wouldn’t have been as good. Which means that really, as much as bad reviews suck…they help – if taken constructively. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Because any author is capable of greatness if they let themselves be inspired.

And this goes for more than reviews, too – use rejection letters to spark the fire of creativity (urm, possibly literarlly, that’s ok too), and PERSEVERE!

PS – there’s much more to this Voltaire/Rousseau story – here’s a good paper I found on it if interested.

How to Survive WAITING

2011-12-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

…and waiting. And…waiting.

Before you ask - oh yes. Agents wait too. Sure, we may be relatively calm about it - we resist the urge to pick up the phone and eagerly ask…well?? Resist the “just checking in!” emails until a reasonable amount of time has passed. Don’t DM our editor friends just PLEADING for an update.

But we are equally as excited about the work we put into the submission world as any writer – and we go equally bat s**t crazy with stalking urges during the “waiting to hear back” process (well…I suppose I shouldn’t speak on behalf of ALL agents…maybe I’m just terribly impulsive and impatient and oh god what if it really DOES suck and I’m just kidding myself here and would it REALLY be so bad just to email NOW or maybe I should start submitting some more just to even out the numbers again but what IF I get an offer and I guess I can wait one…more…day……)

Sound familiar?

Regardless of who you are in the writing world, waiting sucks.

So here are my tips on how to keep you SANE:

1.Start a new project. NOW.

Getting excited about something new will help ease the tension; it gives you something to look forward to, regardless of the outcome at the end of the waiting.

2.Talk to others going through the same process (NOT to others you’re looking to get an answer from, like agents, editors, etc).

It helps to realize…you’re not alone. Just because you’re waiting doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

Word of caution: keep any griping private. Don’t post on your blog about how frustrated you are. Don’t bitch out on that writing forum you think is so safe and anonymous. Keep any correspondence and social networking appearances professional; don’t let it be obvious that you are completely eaten up inside about the waiting.

3.Scour the Internet for inspiring posts about others who survived.

I can’t say this enough: just because it isn’t happening NOW doesn’t mean it will NOT happen. It just may take a while. Listening to the heartache others had to go through will remind you it WILL end…if you persevere and continue to grow.

Here are a few posts to get you started:

Mandy Hubbard
Jessica Souders
Kristin Welker
Stephen King
J.K. Rowling
Dr. Seuss et al

4.Be Proactive.

Another fabulous “P” of publishing. Use your waiting time productively and positively – by being proactive. Research a new list of agents or publishers to submit to. Attend writing workshops and brainstorm revisions. Get involved in other writing community events, like contests, book review blogs, or social networking to build up exposure to yourself and your writing (ahem – phase one of the PR plan!)

Word of caution: DON’T JUST GIVE UP. Don’t fall victim to an “easy way out”; i.e., don’t just choose to e-publish because you’re frustrated with lack of progress. ONLY go those routes if it’s the way you WANT and are PREPARED to go. Sending out masses of new submissions may also be a temporary fix – but it will quickly turn to more frustration and disappointment if you aren’t reflecting on any feedback and possible new directions for yourself and your manuscript first. It may be best, in the waiting phase, to make LISTS of opportunities…and act later.

5.Finally: Allow yourself to be INSPIRED.

Pepper your writing space with inspirational posts to keep you going. Keep an open mind during your waiting process; you’ll be surprised where it will lead you. Don’t substitute griping for growing – ALWAYS think ahead to a next step; don’t get stuck on the bottom rung.

And the Debate Goes On...

2011-11-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

I am very glad for the responses to my last post, and I can appreciate where everyone is coming from.

But I want to add some more things to chew on, as I'm curious what the responses will be to them:

1. Are people taking into consideration the sheer volume of submissions agents receive now, in comparison to when agents first started? Our agency receives up to 150-200 per DAY via email; four years ago, paper only, my old agency received up to 100 per WEEK.

2. Are people also taking into consideration that agents are paid on commission? Which means that to answer all those submissions, roughly 1,000-1,400 per week, is unpaid time?

3. AND, that of those 1,400 submissions...almost half aren't even things we'd represent, i.e., things sent without reading our guidelines and interests?

I know how much time I spend per week answering unsolicited queries - about 5 hours, and personally, I don't mind. I'm a younger agent; I have the time to do it, and I believe in our agency's policy to do it. But...does everybody?

Because:

4. Many agents are working two, if not THREE jobs, to be able to keep agenting - because commission takes a few years to start paying any bills. We work 24 hours a day - no joke. Reading, reading, reading at night - pitching, editing, negotiating, taking calls back and forth, smoothing bumps and feathers and possibly even stuffing a Happy Meal or two during the day.

Some agents just may not HAVE that extra 5 hours. Doesn't seem like much, I know...except, keep in mind that that is the time spent ANSWERING only - not including all the reading. Life as an agent isn't really all that glamorous. It's full of rejection, stress, and lack of sleep.

But...I posted this, and my last post, because I'm honestly curious to know the responses to these things (and I should add: I'm directly debating the no response=no policy to unsolicited submissions; I do think requested submissions deserve a response).

Do any of these points justify the action? At least make it more understandable? Enough not to throw insults, at least, while entering the debate?

And, whether they do or not: IS there a happy medium to be made...or is there just no pleasing everybody? (Because trust me, even though we respond, THAT is not even enough for some people).

Like I said before: I'm an agent. I'm biased. I'm going to defend the agent side. None of this will change our current policy at the Bradford Agency; this is all on me, not representative of my agency or employer at all.

The reason I'm still prodding this snarling beast of an argument is the same reason I blog: to provide more dimension to this side of the fence. And if I'm going to do that, only fair to open up the floor for others to provide more dimension for me as well.

So: thoughts?

No Response=No Debate

2011-11-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

I'm sure many of you have heard more than enough on the no response=no policy and SCBWI's open letter to the industry causing all the hullabaloo lately.

I’m disturbed by this debate, but not because of the topic – rather, because I don’t feel like it’s stemming from the issue itself. I feel like people are frustrated in general with the industry, and blowing a lot of that frustration into this steamy argument.

We currently live in a time where there is already doubt on NEEDING an agent OR publisher; not responding is seen as an act of selfish authority, when authors are questioning if agents and editors should even HAVE a leg to stand on to enforce such authority.

Additionally, though SCBWI’s open letter addresses both agents and editors – most blogs I see seem focused on the AGENY side. I would argue that only shows more that this debate is being used as a front to express frustration with the industry – because, since more and more publishers are closing to unsolicited submissions, agents have become the ultimate “bad guys” who “make or break” a career.

Writers are focusing on the “guilty” party, in other words, who is the “most” responsible for not getting what he or she wants - which is a publishing deal.

Now hold on – before you explode at me that it’s the morality of it all, an issue of respecting everyone’s time and that, even if everyone got offers, it’s still not right to leave people hanging - let's put it all into perspective:

When people submit job applications - do they always get a response to let them know the application has been received?

When called in for an interview – is there a guarantee the potential employer will call back, regardless of the decision made?

Does that mean we should enforce regulations on employers to provide auto-responses to applications, and form letters to interviewees, so potential candidates aren’t left sitting around for months and months agonizing on whether or not they’ll get The Call?

In truth: submitting a manuscript is EXACTLY this process. I know it’s hard to hear, because writing is so very personal, but the process of publishing is business, not personal. And just as a “sorry, we went with someone else” is absolutely no help in the rest of the job hunt process, except to assume there was someone better - are we REALLY helping by sending that form letter? Or are we justified in thinking that, with all the writing resources out there, these people we don’t respond to should really be moving on and searching elsewhere, while at the same time looking at how to improve their WORK, not the rejection process?

In other words: should people spend less time worrying about those not responding...and more time trying to help those not being responded to?

Easy to lay blame, after all, rather than take responsibility.

I’m biased; and I can understand that people don’t like being left with loose ends. To be honest, if the shoe were reversed, and publishers started saying no response=no to AGENTS…boy, would I not be happy.

I am personally in favor of auto-responders for agents who have a no response=no policy, so writers at least know their work has been received - but that doesn’t mean I’m going to vilify an agent who disagrees.

We live in a time of change in the publishing industry; there are more ways to be published and submit than ever – which makes the competition steeper than ever – which makes the frustration higher than ever.

But maybe we should stop focusing on ways to fix others...and focus on how to make our work impossible to ignore.

Giving Up

2011-11-07T21:54:00.000-08:00

I did an #askagent recently, and someone asked: at what point do we (agents) "give up" on a project that’s been on submission and just isn’t selling?

My immediate response was: never. I will never give up. I may pull a project based on poor market timing or to go with a new book, but always with the thought that the original book could work down the road.

Ahem. I want to take a moment to retract and amend that statement – because I was wrong.

It’s tempting for me to want to be fierce and loyal and beat my chest and say NEVEEER!!! But really, the actual answer is: I never give up – on the WRITER.

Yes, sometimes, there is enough solid feedback from editors that we can re-work the manuscript or the pitch and go for another round. Sometimes the response is: we LOVE it…but we’re just not looking for this right now. Sometimes there are tons of nibbles, but no bites…sometimes we get SO CLOSE…

And sometimes…it’s just time to put a project to bed.

To quote agent extraordinaire Jennifer Laughran:

“There are only so many editors. I am not going to sell work to a shady or bad editor, or to a house that I think is not reputable, just so I can say "we sold it." My goal is to sell the project WELL, not just sell it.

Not every single thing that every writer writes is going to find an awesome home - it just isn't, especially if they are prolific. So, sometimes projects end up going on the back burner for a while. If you do go forward with a new project and it sells, you might very well realize that the first one was flawed. People TEND to get better with each book -- I've found that I'm generally better off looking forward, not backward.”

To expand on this, I’ll quote the fantastic Mandy Hubbard – who brings to the table an agent AND author perspective:

“I saw the difference in rejections between my first agented project (The Jetsetter's Social Club) and my second (Prada & Prejudice). I wrote them just months apart. My agent thought the first would be the easier sell. It was obvious immediately that P&P was stronger. We went from vague/quick rejections to revision requests. Now, I would never want to see the first project on submission. It's not as good. I'm the same writer, and wrote them the same year. But sometimes you have to give up on a project-- just not the writer.”

So yes – sometimes, I will have to give up on a project – most often, because the only responses I’m getting are vague, or I’ve exhausted the list of editors to send to. But I don’t sign clients because I think that ONE book is it – I sign them because I think I can sell their work, period.

So authors: don’t give up on yourselves – don’t let rejection bother you. Just keep writing and developing – because that’s what we’re counting on you to do. We won’t stop unless you do.

My NaNo Post

2011-11-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

I’ll be perfectly blunt: as an agent, I hate NaNo. But - ONLY because it means that December…will be full of projects that I really, really should not be seeing until MARCH.

So side from that agent aversion, I do think it’s a fabulous event in the writing community and a fabulous tool for writers to really get on track and feel accomplished.

That all said, I know that everyone and their mother is going to have (er, ALREADY has) a post with tips and motivators and all sorts of amazing links to help with NaNo…so I’ll keep this short and simple.

WRITE YOUR HEART OUT – and then spend THE NEXT THREE MONTHS EDITING.

I promise if you send a query letter before January that says it’s a NaNo book, you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot. And no, that does not mean you just shouldn’t put it in your query (although really, you shouldn’t) – it means you really WILL be shooting yourself in the foot because there’s no WAY you’ve had the time to make sure it is ABSOLUTELY ready for agent eyes!

The worst thing you can EVER do in a submission: send it out before it’s ready.

Now GO ON – stop procrastinating by reading blog posts and write already!

Why I?

2011-10-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

I got an interesting question at a recent conference I attended: “Do all YA’s have to be in the first person?”

I was a little surprised by the question; I immediately wanted to answer no.

But then I thought about it – and I realized that the asker had a good point; because from all the examples out there, it certainly does feel like first person is the norm.

But why? Going even deeper into this question – why is YA most often in first person…and adult genre fiction most often in third?

My answer to this relates back to my post on YA vs. Adult – voice. It is easier to pull off the self-centered, emotionally vibrant and raw voice that is YA in first person - mainly because, let’s face it, YA authors are often pulling from their inner teens.

But that is not the only reason. The second layer to my answer is all about how relatable the characters, situations and worlds actually are.

Contemporary YA deals with themes and situations that are directly relatable – and it’s almost always in first person.

But a snarky miss toting from one glamorous ballroom to the next, swept away in an elegant waltz…and then diving out the window in chase of a jewel thief? Not so much easy to relate to.

Adult genre fiction is often a complete escape; pure fantasy - and it is most often in third person.

Let's look at some more examples:
-genre YA (more commercial, fantastical novels) tends to feature more third person – again, I'll argue, because they are harder to relate to.
-contemporary romance, despite being set in our world, often features a situation we can't relate to at all - love at first lust (...ok, sight), and a clean, happy ending. We are reading these stories HOPING we'll have it...but we can't really relate to it.

Quite simply: if you’re reading I in a novel, you’d better be able to put yourself in I’s shoes.

So, what to take away from this?

If you’re debating whether or not your novel suits better in first or third – ask yourself what your end goal is. If you want your readers to relate more to your character, first would be a better fit.

Even complete fantasy, such as Dystopian YA, despite being far from situationally relateable, draws on many of our own fears – we can directly relate to what is going on, because so many of us have felt the same way - so it’s not hard to see why so much of it is written in first person.

But if you want your readers to truly escape, release all inhibitions and disbelief grounded in our reality, give third a try.

You can always find and replace it back. ;)

Tips on Marketing Your Novel

2011-10-10T19:45:00.000-07:00

Below is a helpful list I compiled (using the brilliant “phase strategy” author Jessica McCann -- All Different Kinds of Free -- put together way back when I sold her debut) of the best tips on promotion I could find and think of.

I strongly encourage any author reading this post with any more tips and ideas to share – nothing is ever going to be comprehensive, but that’s really the fun part of marketing: finding new, fun and proactive ways to reach your audience!

AND – you’ll notice that there is a phase for all the pre-published out there too – oh yes: that DOES mean you need to start…NOW!

Pre-Sale Phase

•Get INVOLVED – not just with book signings and conferences, but with online groups and review sits. The biggest term to remember here: PAY IT FORWARD. NETWORK is a very close second.

•Go to www.goodreads.com and tweet when you’re reading a book; if someone is having a book birthday, congratulate them; if someone makes a sale, congratulate them; if someone is having a contest or wants others to post their book title as their twitter icon, participate. Get EXCITED for others sharing your journey and help them too – even if a fraction of them help you back, you’re better off than NONE of them helping!

•Join online writing groups such as Absolutewrite.com , Romance Divas, YAHighway, and chat groups such as #YAlitchat on Twitter.

Immediate on Sale Phase

•Post news and update profiles: Twitter, LinkedIn, professional website, etc.

•Email announcement to friends, family and colleagues

•Email blogs (relevant to your genre) with 500+ followers to ask if you can guest post to share your success story (hopefully you FREQUENTED these sites during your pre-sale period)

•Announce to your social groups/network

•Start thinking NOW about potential guest blog post topics you could cover (i.e., if you had a historical fiction, you could write about how to research historical fiction; navigating career transition from X to novelist, etc.)

•Create a blog; if you’re skittish on venturing out on your own, get a group together, such as the ladies over at Let the Words Flow.

Top tips for blogging:

1.Keep the content useful and unique
2.Pick a reader-friendly layout – simple and eye-catching
3.Link to other blogs and posts when YOU post (it helps you get higher in the search rank for sites like Google – as does posting frequently!)
4.Add a personal touch
5.Post regularly (at LEAST once a week)
6.Use tags and keywords
7.Use images as much as you can – keep it visually stimulating!
8.Keep your titles simple and catchy
9.Get it out there – tweet/announce via website, etc every time you post!

Buzz-building Phase

•Media: Pitch local author profile to local magazines/papers

•Media: News release to local publications

•Online: add sample chapter to your author website, tweet link (check with your publisher before doing this to make sure it’s ok)

•Online: periodic genre and book-related Tweets (pub news, trivia, quotes from book, etc.)

•Syndicate your content so your ONE update appears in as many places as possible (here's a how-to guide)

•Online: periodic updates to LinkedIn profile with book news

•Online: Continue with current social media strategies to build followers & make connections overall (I love this chart on how to stay active and visible)

•Check out how well your efforts are doing – check your blog stats per post, for example, to see what’s resonating and working, and what is not. Other status checking sites: Clicky, Tweetmeme, YouTube statistics. Look at how many comments you get per post – are they interesting enough TO comment on OR retweet?

Pre-release Phase

•Book stores: contact any local independent stores that may want to stock copies

•Online: post book trailer to website and tweet link. Join and post to YouTube.

•Online: add "buy the book" links to website

•Print: Create bookmarks, postcards, flyers featuring cover art (mail to
personal/professional contacts, hand out at any events/conferences)

•Email: send update to personal/professional contacts

•Print: If possible, write guest posts and/or newspaper/magazine articles on ANY topic, and include your book title/release information in bio

•Online: Host book give-aways on Twitter (e.g. RT for chance to win advance copy)

•Join relevant conversations and chats to your topic – link relevant posts from other authors or bloggers to your website and accounts.

Release and Beyond Phase

•Book release event – book a local B&N or bookstore to host your event. Focus on stores that report to bestseller lists such as NYT (you can always ask an independant if they do or not, if you can't book B&N; here's a post detailing the bestseller lists, and a story/how-to on reaching the NYT list.)

•Book club meetings via Skype - conference in on misc book club meetings to discuss your book (promote this online – perhaps have a sidebar on your blog or website that announces your availability to join in on book club meetings)

•Compile list of local booksellers to approach; offer to sign print copies they stock, provide signed bookmarks to give away

•Submit your title for awards/contests for published novels

•Try Podcasting tips or other fun facts to supplement your novel (an audio recording): How to Create a Podcast (A Step-by-step Tutorial from About.com)

Online

•Let everyone know it’s out - email friends and colleagues, post on your blog/website/facebook/twitter – and add a link to where they can buy it!

•Explore other social media possibilities -- Facebook page for novel, Amazon author page, Goodreads

•Consider getting URL www.booktitle.com (build simple site with book club questions/ideas, trivia/factoids, links to relevant info, etc. -- see http://cathymariebuchanan.com for an awesome example)

•Guest blog opportunities (use your list generated early on!)

•Blog book tour

•Advertise any events on the Facebook/website

•Twitter: Profile picture will be cover of book, can host a Q&A session (#BOOKTITLE)

•Facebook/Website/blog: Profile picture will be cover of book, add author bio, news, blurb of book w/description of contents (link to where to buy, list other titles), host give-aways, contests, host a guest author – continue your networking! – with a tie-in subject, Facebook ads

Potential Events

Just because you’re published doesn’t mean conferences aren’t for you – they certainly are! Give workshops to gather attention to yourself and book (though don’t necessarily focus on YOUR book as the workshop – maybe an angle you used to write it, to help others out). WORD OF MOUTH spreads!

Put together a list of any local events to attend, including bookfairs you could set up a booth/table at, and reach out to conferences and offer to do critiques or workshops.

The most important thing is to keep it lively and fun!

Finally: create brilliant marketing plants your agent wants to share to give yourself an extra promo boost. ;)

What I Like…and Why I Like it

2011-10-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

I honor of my re-opening to submissions, I thought I’d do an in-depth explanation of what I love to read and what I'm craving to represent. Below is a list of all the books I read over the two weeks of my honeymoon, and what I specifically liked about each one; the list is only fairly comprehensive in terms of my reading tastes, but should give some great examples:

Some Like it Wild by Teresa Medieros (Historical Romance)

What I Loved: The yummy yummy Scotsman. I really could not wait to get back to the delicious hero in this book every time I put it down! What is more, is that I loved the characters; the heroine is spunky and she’s not Venus come to life or some nonsense; her beauty and passion are sparked purely in the eyes of the hero. I love that kind of book because it makes the romance feel so much more private and personal. It’s also an extremely well-executed book, and the level of passion is just what I like.

One of my all-time favorite Highlander books is Temperance by Jude Deveraux

Queen of the Dead (Ghost and the Goth, book 2) by Stacey Kade (Contemporary Paranormal YA)

What I Loved: Whenever I dive into this series I am always struck by how smart the heroine is. She’s the stereotypical blond cheerleader – with brilliant people-reading skills. I love characters that break the mold like this; this character acts the same way that stereotypical cheerleader would, but she’s given depth and dimension which make her entirely likeable. I also love the dry and sarcastic voice; a must-have for me in any contemporary! I do love me ghosts, too…

One of my all-time favorite ghost books is The Mediator series by Meg Cabot

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (Science Fiction/ Dystopian)

What I Loved: This was so amazingly gritty and relentless; and so real. The world building was so well done; for a dystopian, this is crucial: I knew the food dishes they ate, the politics, the fashions, the history, the technology, everything. All the little details that make up a world were explained which made it read so vividly. The main character’s thought process , working things out with me as she went, also drew me in as a reader; nothing was told to me – I lived this with her.

The Heiress by Lynsay Sands (Historical Romance)

What I Loved: The blunt heroine. This story had a holy mother of a complex plot, but really, I was drawn in by the fresh, sassy heroine. This hooked me with the unique plot, and kept me reading for the feisty heroine.

My three all-time favorite historical romance writers: Julia Quinn (witty and sexy), Lisa Klypas (passionate and delicious) and Johanna Lindsay (fiery and passionate)

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver (Dark Contemporary w/ Fantastical Elements)

What I Loved: if anyone has ever wondered what “beautiful dark” means in my bio – this is it. Beautiful writing with such a dark and tortured subject. The heroine was so real and vivid – her memories and moments bubbled up to me like snapshots, giving me a 360 view of each and every character in this chilling and morbid situation. To quote the book, “so many things become beautiful when you really look” (343); not only her life, but my life, came into focus as I read.

Atlantis Awakening by Alyssa Day (Paranormal Romance)

What I Loved: to be honest, I was a little hesitant to post this one up – because it’s a vampire book. A shape-shifter, werewolf, vampire book – and I do NOT (repeat: do NOT) want any vampires or wolves. However, there were also some very unique elements to this story – the warriors of Atlantis (who isn’t fascintated by Atlantis?) and the “gem singer” – a woman whose witch powers include being able to sing emotions and power through gemstones. Loved that. Call me a sucker for a glittery jewel, but any kind of “gem speak” is up my alley. The hero was, admittedly, a little too animalistic in his possessiveness of her heroine, but I appreciated how spunky and fiery she was in the face of it.

When it comes to paranormal, I’m really looking for fresh; I’m open to time-travel as well – one of my favorite books in that category is Remembrance by Jude Deveraux.

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson (Dark Contemporary – Issue Book)

What I Loved: I know I’m like ten years late to the party on this one, but this truly is such a powerful and heartbreaking book. Another beautiful dark for me; the heroine’s emotional journey was so gritty and raw – I could feel every ounce of her shame, frustration, the injustice of it all – and above all, was so incredibly inspired by her courage as she grows and finds her voice. The “issue” was very secondary to my connection to the heroine; that’s how I like “issue” books – more about the emotion and the character/s than the issue or message.

I didn’t read a fantasy or a gothic-inspired ghost book, but I’d love to have those too – especially creepy, dark and chilling ghost (or fantasy) YA.

The only kind of picture book I’m really looking for is along the lines of Square Cat by Elizabeth Schoonmaker – short, funny text, preferably character-driven (650 words or less) – and I’m being VERY very selective on PBs.

I also didn’t read any middle grade, but I particularly love middle grade with heart, along the line of The Higher Power of Lucky by Susan Patron, and middle grade with fantastical, paranormal, or sci-fi elements.

There’s more in my bio, but this is what I’m particularly craving right now.

Be sure to take a look at the “For Writers” tab in my blog to make sure you submit the best possible manuscript. Here are tips on revision…and finally, how to write a hook to knock me dead!

Submission guidelines are here.

It's My Blog...and I'll Post Pics of My Wedding if I Want To!

2011-09-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I was MIA for the past two weeks (oh who am I kidding...past six MONTHS) for my wedding and honeymoon.

I'm very pleased to announce that I am officially now Mrs. Natalie Maya Lakosil!

I had some AMAZING pictures taken by Stephanie Dana, which I wanted to share with all of you. A few snips below, but for more thorough "storybook" feel, you can visit here to get a feel for what my big day was like.

More *ahem* actual agent-y posts to come, but for now, enjoy!

Natalie M. Lakosil

What Exactly...Does an Agent DO?

2011-08-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

I recently took a research survey in which I had to reflect on just that question.

I found myself feeling as if I was writing a “help wanted” ad for Craigslist as I described the job skills:

An eye for good writing, an eye for marketability, current market knowledge, editorial skills, personal connections to editors and other industry professionals, ability to negotiate and read a contract, multi-tasking skills, self-driven and motivated, a thick skin, perseverance, an excellent memory, speed-reading, and a sugar daddy or three jobs for the first 3-5 years.

But what it all boiled down to was: an agent…is our clients’ best advocate.

Publishing is changing. The duties that agents are taking on are changing. But the role of the Literary Agent will never change; we will always be our clients’ best advocate.

I think all writers should mull over what that really means. Because it does not mean that we should be limited to certain duties; and it does not mean that all we need to do it pitch and sell a book. We have to be our clients’ best advocate – we have to believe in that client, period, and do whatever is necessary to aid their career…traditional or otherwise.

It may be the case that some agents have lost sight of this. It may also be the case that authors are misinterpreting recent moves and decisions that some agents take as selfish instead of client-friendly.

But in this agent’s eyes, that’s all anyone needs to know about me: that I adhere to this standard.

Regardless of the fact that sadly, I do not have a sugar daddy.

Update! Open Meetings Ahead! Come Meet Me!

2011-07-31T22:23:00.000-07:00

Hello Adventure-ites!

I know I've been so completely slacking on my blog (and online presence in general) lately; I'm sort of in the whirlwind of wedding planning (all the pieces are done but ah...putting them together...yeah, that part is harder than I thought it would be).

Anyway, I've decided I'll definitely be heading up to LA this coming weekend for SCBWI's Summer Conference in LA (not faculty, just going to hang out).

Since I'm not officially a part of...anything at the conference, really, and my mind has NO room to try and book appointments with editors/authors/friends/whathaveyou, I'm just going to set myself up at the Starbucks here on Saturday, August 6, from 10am-12:00pm and whoever wants to stop by and chat...can!

I'm not expecting pitches, brilliant conversations, or even bribes of kittens; even if you want to just say "hi" and dash away, that's fine by me!

TBD what I'll be wearing...but I'll post that up so you can find me (maybe I'll just dress like Where's Waldo. That seems appropriate...)

Cheers,
Natalie

If You Show an Agent a Contract...

2011-07-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

I wrote a little diddy the other day, punch-drunk from exhaustion as I dealt with one crisis after another (aside from wedding planning - 2 months away!! - I had a death in the family AND moved, so yes, I did disappear for a while, and yes, I did spend part of my time writing a ridiculous little poem). Just a little fun to highlight some of my adventures as an agent.

Enjoy!

If you tell an agent about a contract…
She’s gonna want to see it.
And if you show the agent the contract
She’s gonna want to negotiate better terms.
And if she negotiates better terms
She’s gonna want 15%
And if you give her 15%
She’s gonna want you to sign an agreement
And if you sign an agency agreement
She’s gonna want to see your next book
And if you show her your next book
She’s gonna want to do some revisions
And if you revise for her
She’s gonna want to sell it
And if she sells it
She’s gonna need a good advance
and in order to get a good advance
She’s gonna need to kick negotiation booty
And to kick negotiation booty
She’s gonna need to have some leverage
And to have some leverage
She’ll have to have sent it to other editors who want it
And if other editors want it
She’s gonna need some coffee
And if she gets some coffee
She’s gonna need a muffin
And in order to get the muffin
She’s gonna need some money
And to get some money
She needs to close the deal
And in order to close the deal
She needs to have an auction
Except someone wants a pre-empt
-where’s the damn coffee???

What AGENTS Are Doing with Self-Publishing for Their Clients

2011-06-20T20:20:00.001-07:00

Now, the last thing I want to do is start a debate.

So I'll join one.

I really didn't think I'd end up commenting on this blog post. A fellow agent brought it to my attention when she emailed me and a bunch of other agent buddies to glean our reactions to the whole self-publishing thing.

I'm still not really going to - I have plenty I COULD say, but really, eh. What I'm mostly concerned with is that a lot of agents (myself included) are getting a little more than frustrated with all the flak out there regarding agents who represent self-published authors - they're being called "thieves" and "useless" and all sorts of nasty, irrational and impulsive things.

Personally, my reaction to that post was to flat out laugh. Maybe my head is in the sand; but whenever I hear someone rant about how useless agents are these days and what CAN we really provide that an author can't do themselves, well, I say good luck to you then. I'll represent those who DO appreciate what I do. I have no wish to stand here and argue when your face is already blue.

Which is exactly why I haven't commented much, save my own feelings on self-publishing, on the role agents are/should/will take.

I don't plan to either. It's sort of a moot post to make, since it changes every .001 second.

But I do have a few things to say, maybe to add to the conversation as a whole, that came up while chatting with fellow agents Laura Bradford and Taryn Fagerness today.

1. Ok, so you say it's a conflict of interest for an agent to self-publish a client's work - an agent can't be publisher AND agent.

I say: so, you'd rather have an agent lie to you for their own self-interests?

Think about it; all this yelling at agents to stick with the traditional roles is really backing us into a corner of only being ABLE to offer traditional roles to clients...who may actually benefit from self-publishing. Take a mid-list author, for example, who has a NY publisher, but isn't necessarily happy with the cut they're getting. They are an incredible self-promoter, are already seeing great ebook sales...and perhaps they could make it bigger if they stick it out with the publisher, or really, just continue to flounder on the mid-list doing ok. An agent isn't going to want to shoot themselves in the face by walking away from a guaranteed advance. But this author...might REALLY make more, and become far more profitable, from e-publishing. The author may even be...happier!

The limits of ebooks and e-publishing have yet to be established - and an agent who is backed into a corner of "either you're a good agent, and keep your client in NY, or you're a bad agent, and plop a book on Amazon and take a cut of the ebook money" isn't going to be able to completely lay out the pros and cons. They're going to tell the client...what is in THEIR best interest as an agent, whether to save face or hey, to pay the bills, but not necessarily what is in the CLIENT'S best interest.

3. What if an agent signs a client, edits the book, goes out on submission, and can't sell it - is it fair game then to self-publish that *edited* manuscript without any compensation to the agent?

True, traditionally, this IS a risk agents take - we only get paid when an author gets paid, so any effort we put in CAN be for null. But DOES it still count under that traditional structure for self-publishing? After all, the author is, then, getting paid. Even if the agent doesn't do any of the self-publishing...what's the right thing to do, in terms of all the work we DID put in?

Right now, there's no standard for that - should it be a flat fee, since we DID technically serve as an editor? Should we take commission? Should we just say oh well??? That's what my agency is currently trying to figure out (and we haven't reached a conclusion).

2. So what CAN an agent offer clients that they can't do themselves, anyway, when it comes to e-publishing?

Simple: foreign rights. Do YOU have publishing buddies in Germany and Italy ready to read your book? (Ok, neither do I, but I definitely know who to go to who does). Know how to apply for double tax exemption, if you DO decide to start submitting to foreign publishers and/or self-publishing overseas? (THIS, I DO know). Know if it's even POSSIBLE to self-publish overseas?

Even simpler: access to OUR knowledge of professional cover designers, copy editors, and publicists - people we KNOW get results, who are WORTH the money you spend. After all, we meet these people at conferences too - not just editors. You can be sure I keep their cards, just in case.

And even SIMPLER: we can literally take the hassle of knowing the where and how to put your book online - and even have ins, like to OverDrive, the nationwide library ebook distributor, that YOU don't have, and can't get.

Do YOU know how to purchase an ISBN and register copyright? Know what to do with it, how much it's going to cost? Know how to format your manuscript for Kindle, Sony, or Nook? Thought all that was automatic...or starting to think that maybe it's a little more complicated than write book, puhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifsh button, see on screen??

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Obviously, my view is going to be biased. And it certainly doesn't answer anything; these points, like I said, may be moot tomorrow anyway, and I'm far, far from having an answer on how the agent-author self-publishing relationship should work. If you're curious, here is a post on what a few agents ARE doing with self-publishing - and read a success story here about a client of the Andrea Brown Literary Agency that self-published with them.

But food for thought.

Everything YOU Wanted to Know About CONFERENCES and the NY TRIP

2011-06-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

Alrighty, so there were some fabulous questions asked of me from the last post. Not surprisingly, of course, most of you wanted to know about conferences!

Here are my answers:

NY TRIP:

Is it something you'll have to do regularly, or doesn't it make much of a difference whether you're an agent in San Diego or NYC? I've always been curious about the logistics of being an agent outside of New York.

It's something I plan to do once per year. This was my first official trip out, and thus (I'm hoping) the craziest logistically. But, to answer your other question, no, it doesn't make a big difference - as long as I'm still attending conferences where I meet MANY editors and emailing, twittering, and talking on the phone to editors to know their tastes. It's just so much fun to finally meet in person and get some face-time with someone you've been corresponding with for over a year! It is also nice to literally put yourself in front of these people and say, "Hey look, I DO EXIST!"

What did you learn in your meetings as far as MG goes? What are publishers looking for more of right now? What are they tired of seeing?

I think the biggest thing I took away from this trip was: SEND US MG!!!!!!!!!!! Almost ALL publishers are DYING for MG right now; there is a lot of room for almost any kind, due in part to the huge YA burst.

CONFERENCES:

Why do agents go to conferences? What do they hope to get out of it? And do agents often get new clients out of them?

Well, for me, the biggest benefit is getting to interact with editors I only get to meet in person if I go to NY. But yes, we are absolutely also hoping to get clients out of these conferences - I have indeed signed a client from a conference (yes, I did say A client).

This is, sadly, rare; it's sort of a running theme for faculty to end up asking each other: "Soooo...have YOU ever signed someone from a conference?"

The answer is usually no. Why? Because a big majority of those that attend conferences are brand spankin new writers - which means they have a few betas and (possibly even) manuscripts to go before they really get everything down!

My advice, honestly, is: don't go just to get an agent. It doesn't matter if you meet me in person or not - your writing is what's going to sell you. SO, go instead to HONE YOUR CRAFT. These conferences are invaluable for learning the do's and don'ts, to gathering up the courage to start submitting, to re-igniting your momentum to keep going. You find partners in all your trials and tribulations, and are surrounded for hours and hours by people JUST LIKE YOU: WHO LOVE BOOKS AND WRITING. Who won't look at you slightly pitying and disgusted when you say: I'm writing a book.

Since you probably don't have time to write everything about the one in NJ, what were the high points for you? What were the high points for attending authors? Was there overlap between both sets of high points?

Biggest high point: seeing my clients, Jessica, Natalie and Charlotte. I also truly enjoyed meeting so many wonderful editors, and interacting with conference attendees...who just wanted to chat, not pitch me all the time! I love socializing and ESPECIALLY love sharing what I've learned along the way with others.

I have no idea what people get out of conferences...you'd have to ask an attending writer! But, I imagine one of the same benefits I get - realizing these big, scary agents (editors) are just cool, approachable people, too. I'm the COOLEST, of course, but....

Any plans to attend the AZ one?

No. We have to be invited to these puppies. ;) You can see what I'm attending on my EVENTS tab.

Besides free books, what is the best sort of SWAG you like getting at conferences?

Bags - totes or otherwise. I SO do not need them, but I love them. Pens. Awesomely unique things that I won't just throw away - like a bottle opener shaped like an antique key with the title of your debut Steampunk *hinty hint*. BUTTONS - love fun ones that don't just have your title on them, but maybe a cute, spunky reminder that has to DO with your book or genre.

I have a post on SWAG, actually, you can read more on.

How often do agents go with clients, in person at least, to events like conferences? Or did the meet up just happen on the fly?

I'd say close to never. If I see a client at a conference it's because the clients live in the area I'm attending the conference at, or they decided to attend the conference too.

What do published authors do at these conferences? I understand why agents, editors, and hopeful authors go, but I don't think I've ever heard why established authors make the schlep.

Network. Exchange cards with other aspiring authors for blog/promo team-ups, blurbs, other marketing tips. Meet with editors and (possibly) publicists; it's ALWAYS good to have your name out there in the biz. Promote your book - these writers are eager to hear of your success stories, and a publisher author can often give a workshop or lecture about theirs or something helpful to aspiring authors (who are also POTENTIAL BUYERS). Word of mouth!

What is it like, from an agent's perspective, to hear a pitch from a very nervous aspiring author? What are you thinking as we chatter along? Do you see through our nervousness to the good idea?

Cute. And a little funny. As I've stated before, I literally look like I've just turned 12 and people are nervous to talk to ME. Very odd, but a little endearing.

If I can't see through the chatter, I ask questions to get an idea of what you're talking about - I almost always say yes to a pitch, because for me, it's the writing that decides, not how you talk about it. Which is why I also always say...don't use your appointment to pitch me - come with questions! Come prepared to chat and get to know me better. You can email me your perfect, non-chatty pitch later. ;)

Read more on my take on pitch sessions here, and then go write the perfect pitch!

New York and Beyond

2011-06-08T21:17:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's right - I finally made the legendary agent-shlep out from San Diego to NY!

I figure, well, I don't really have much energy to think of something super helpful to write, so I'll just let you in on exactly what happens on these trips:

Meetings.

Lots. And lots. Of meetings.

Over 30 in three days kind of meetings. And that's a lower number.

Between navigating the streets of NY while trying to ignore the wafting breeze of...port-a-potty (yes, NY smells like a port-a-potty in the summer), realizing I'm heading Uptown but oh, whoops, I need to be going Downtown...on the B subway...not R, wretchedly holding my skirt firmly at my sides as I'm blown by the gale-force winds that is the Penguin and Scholastic area, and making it just in time...to catch the sleeping receptionist, I had my hands quite full.

I had awkward meetings (blank stare across the table...so...what can we do for you??) some drinking meetings (ah...martinis count as book talks, right?) some incredibly laid-back meetings (yeah, that was me you saw whose skirt flew over her head) and some formal, traditional book-chat meetings.

I could really go on all day about it; I could especially go on all day about the conference that capped it all off (SCBWI NJ).

Instead, I will share some pictures:

My client, Jessica Souders, whose debut RENEGADE will release in Fall 2012, and me

My clients, Natalie Zaman and Charlotte Bennardo, whose debut, SIRENZ just released June 8th, and me

And shall open up the floor to all of you - any questions about my NY trip or the conference? Let me know what you want to know!

*questions posted on and before Friday, June 10th will be answered*

Ponder, Polish, Perfect: How to Successfully Revise

2011-05-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

As I've been promising for some time now, I'm finally getting around to posting my talk from the SCBWI Newport Beach Agent Day on revision. And yeah, I totally stole some snippits from previous posts. Deal with it.

Enjoy!

When I had planned to give this talk, I'd originally titled it re-Invision. One of the conference coordinators, Beverly, was smart enough to call me out on that and double check...did you mean re-Envision?

She showed me the definitions for Invision and Envision:

Invision: noun (and possibly also a made-up word) Want of vision or of the power of seeing.

Envision: verb. to picture mentally - used with an object.

I promptly changed the title of my talk, because she was absolutely right; I did mean Envision (and not just because Invision is quite possibly made up) because revision is an action. A process. An ongoing development. Not a WANT, not a THING in itself. It it USED with the thing. NOT the thing. It is a MENTAL RE-Imagining of your work.

I come to the topic of a revision having experienced it from both the writer and agent's perspectives. I started as many in the industry do - thinking I was going to write historical romance bestsellers (wait, that's just me?...). As an author my agent would send me notes and I immediately snatched them up like some sort of test. I thought the goal was to get them done as QUICKLY as possible; I wanted to be the BEST author EVER who POWERED through revisions in no time at all!

As an agent, let me step back now and say: revision is not a checklist you can power through.

If I had a client who had a turn-around as quickly as mine was, I'd seriously take pause. Because, like I said, revision should be a RE-IMAGINING of your work as a whole - not individual bits and pieces. It isn't a process of "receive notes and execute," but rather a process of "receive notes, mull, brainstorm, tweak, and execute."

This is a good thing to keep in mind when you get conflicting advice. Not every agent thinks the same; not ever reader will have the same notes. If you ever find yourself as a writer with two sets of day and night notes - don't panic. Mull. Think how EACH set helps YOU to RE-ENVISION your work AS A WHOLE (can I say this enough?).

Now, onto the good stuff:

I'm going to go over a few ideas, which I certainly hope you will take and expand on and adjust for your own use. These aren’t things that will work for everyone, just tools to help you re-envision your work. They are certainly not comprehensive (this was a blasted 50 min talk, give me a break) but below and throughout are links to some very in-depth checklists and step-by-step processes you can go through and look at later.

1.Take a break - and start with fresh eyes
-brainstorm, mull; don't TOUCH it for at least three days after getting notes (or two weeks after you finish). Scribble down ideas if you must, but take a break!

2.Start from the beginning
-GET fresh eyes on it - use your critique partners! See where your weak spots are per reader - any similarities?

-Think of the WHY not the WHAT: tackle the REASON behind the emotional impression.

Pro tip: Cheryl Klien, an editor at Scholastic (who has, by the way, the BEST post on revision I have EVER seen), says:
I read through the manuscript and make notes of my impressions every step of the way.
o I’m bored
o Love this
o Where is this going?
o Hmm
It allows her to pinpoint exact spots that work, don't work, and might need tweaking.

3.Experiment
-create a story-board, scene by scene. Then start taking scenes out. See what you can do…with cutting. (This will help you write a synopsis, too). Post-its are a must.

-play the "what-if" game - for example, take a problem your character is confronted with. Come up with possible outcomes, including completely outrageous and bizarre ones; it'll help you think outside the box

one of my favorite examples has absolutly nothing to do with publishing. A husband and wife were having problems because the wife was tired of doing taxes every year. They brainstormed all sorts of outrageous ideas: Not file and go to jail. Run away to the Bahamas. Etc. In the end, they hired someone to do it. Maybe not the most dramatic solution, but the point is, it opened up an dialogue between them to find a solution.

You can do the same with your plot. Where do these outrageous ideas lead? How does that change the outcome of your story? Is it more dynamic?

-cut first three chapters – keep a scrap document, an original, etc. Just play.

4.Focus on voice
-One of my favorite recommendations on voice revision comes from Kim Griswell of Boyds Mills Press: highlight all the sensory details in your manuscript a different color. See what you’re doing, what you may need to add. Too much dialogue? Enough sensory details? Too MUCH of one sensory details (like sight)?

-voice is the quality that allows the reader to forget about the author. It has place – a taste of where you came from, what’s shaped YOU, the author, in life, and sensory details. The best voices reveal a piece of the writer – what YOU notice because of who you are -- which, I’ll add, makes sense; as humans we’re going to connect the most to real human voices, because it allows a character to seem real, which allows us to forget that they were written.

5.Focus on conflict
-what is your central plot arc - is it clear? Is it fresh, original? Take a look at your synopsis. A lot of the time, the synopsis highlights the heart of the story, and will pinpoint exactly what the important details you should have – and what you shouldn’t have – are.

6.Focus on characterization
- I loved Nathan Bransford's take on this (and his revisioon checklist!): Does the reader see both the best and worst characteristics of your main characters? What do your characters want? Is it apparent to the reader? Do they have both conscious and unconscious motivations?

-It is very important to make your character believable and relatable (there’s a reason so many characters have no boyfriends and no lives and are so poor – the majority of us are like that too). If your character has un-likeable aspects, make sure there are still flaws, too. Sarcasm is great; whining is not. Think cheeky and feisty rather than arrogant and violent. Inner strength should shine through the voice, even if not in the action.

But I've always heard it's what you do, not what you say, that counts!

Ok. Let me explain:

Scenario one: Greg jumps the fence and slays the evil dragon.

Scenario two: Greg is afraid of heights but he jumps the fence anyway and gets close enough to the evil dragon even though he's allergic. It was easier for him to overcome his fears and allergies because he hates the color green, like the dragon, so much.

In both scenarios we understand that Greg's the hero...but we understand his strength of character from the second, because we have a voice to understand him and his conflicts and personality. Get it?

6 1/2. Focus on peripheral characters
- Avoid black/white characters

What I mean here is: avoid blanket good/bad stereotypes. Yes, sometimes these blanket characters pop up; epic stories usually have them. But the gray area is always so much more interesting and heartbreaking.

A great example of this came to me when I (re) watched (for the millionth time) Pirates of the Carribean. Captain Barbosa is clearly a bad guy…right? But that last scene, when he dies, and the bright green apple falls from his fingers…you definitely feel heartbroken for the guy, don’t you? That little detail, those darned apples, were a beautiful plot device for making him more dynamic. They were a physical representation of his motive. He wasn’t bad for the sake of being bad; he was in pain. Yes, he also gets a chance to explain his motive to us, but it’s the apples that really drive it home.

-Ask yourself: Are these characters just tools to an end?

Part of what may make a character seem less dynamic is if they only exist to drive forward the plot. Yes, yes; back to the epic fantasy example, sometimes it’s unavoidable to encounter these “extras.”

-Their motivations are going to have to come through via interaction with the hero and/or heroine, if you don’t have multiple POVs (which I never recommend). So go back to pivotal scenes, and give them a voice! A great exercise for this is to write a piece of the book in each of your character’s perspectives. You don’t have to include this; but see what they have to say.

7.Focus on Pacing
-First: count your adjectives and adverbs per page. Are you waaay overdoing it? Can they be cut and simplified? How about any of your sentence structures?

-This is where the earlier experimenting will help:
Cut your prologue, dream sequence, and first chapter.Why? Too much back-story upfront really drags pace, and too many tiny, unimportant, menial things like sports games, day-to-day activities, talking to mom/sister/great-aunt also really slow pace. You don’t need to tell me when your character goes pee or brushes her teeth. In other words, don’t summarize events; realize them in the plot.

-Alternately, do you jump too quickly into the action, and not give ANY hints as to what's going on?

I love to consider why people love mysteries: beacause they figure out what happens WITH the main character. But they can't do that without clues! Think of your characters like the mystery: make sure there are enough clues scattered in there to allow the reader to piece together the puzzle of their personality...without you having to actually tell them.

-Of course, the best way to improve pacing is to go back and snip snip snip from your finished manuscript; ask yourself: why is this scene really here? Does it actually serve a purpose to the plot? OR DO YOU JUST LOVE IT BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'S THE BEST WRITING YOU'VE EVER DONE AND YOU SPENT TEN HOURS ON IT?

8.Some other important things to keep in mind:
Be aware of your writing tics, such as repeated words and phrases or facial expressions (does your main character pale and purse her lips ten times a page?)

-Read, read, read in your genre, know the expected word counts, and the standards of what is acceptable and what is not

To quote Ms. Klein again: An action novel needs a tighter plot than a coming-of-age story. A moody YA needs more character development than a middle-grade series.
• You want to figure out what your book’s personality is and how to enhance that, but, it's ALWAYS good to know what IS an isn't appropriate, regardless of if you hit the mark on your impression

For example, if someone blushes in the subway because they're reading your steamy YA, maybe that's exactly what you want...but is that appropriate for the age group?

And lastly:
-Save your drafts

-Don't cherish anything (although it's perfectly ok to be upset about having to cut anything; again, just think about WHY you're upset about it - because it really belongs, or because you're just really connected to it and don't want it to go to waste?)

-Trust YOUR gut

Check this out for a PLETHORA of other revision posts and, if you're craving another checklist, go here.

Happy revising!

An Ode to the English Language

2011-05-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

by Eugenie A. Nidia*

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple..
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop.??????

.........................................................................................................................................
*From internet research, it seems that this poem first appeared in the EFITA Newsletter in January 2006... The original title is “Pluralities.”
However, I have also read also that it dates back to the mid-1800s...
The EFITA newsletter lists kitron1@terra.com.br as the contact; however, the email address doesn't work.
So. Who knows. If YOU do, tell me!

Perseverence: The Hardest P

2011-05-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

Today I have a very, very special guest post by Literary Agent Laura Bradford of the Bradford Literary Agency. I'll let her explain the whats and hows of the post itself, but in sum, and why this post means so much to me (and why I want to share it with all of you) is that it demonstrates one of the HARDEST of the P's of Publishing: Perseverance.

I realize that I haven't actually gotten around to having a whole post on these P's yet, but in sum, the P's of Publishing are the P words that are all you need to make it in Publishing, such as:

Patience
Perseverance
Practice
Passion
Professionalism

The list could go on and on. I'm going to try and put together a few posts on these P's, starting with this very special one. Take it away Laura!

Alrighty, so a couple of months ago my lovely new assistant, Natalie, asked me to write a guest blog post for Adventures in Agentland. I said of course and then did what I always do and started to stress about not being able to come up with anything interesting to say. I suggested to her that she should give me a deadline and a topic or else I would probably drag my feet forever. Skip ahead a few weeks and we were at the Romantic Times conference and for some reason or another I was relating a story about one of my author’s recent sales and how it was a super EXTRA special one. She told me THAT is what I want you to blog about. Tell THAT story. And here’s your deadline. (Natalie is an excellent listener.) So here we are.

About a year ago I had an author who lost her publishing contract. And by lost I mean she had finished her contract and her publisher decided not to re-option her. This kind of thing does happen from time to time, and I think given the recent economic downturn and the publishing climate of late, this probably happened even more than usual in the last year. It happens to good people and good writers. We all know perfectly well that sometimes good books get lost in the marketplace and even with excellent reviews and covers sometimes readers just don’t respond and open their wallets. And publishing is a business so we all understand that sometimes a publisher has to make a hard decision and let an author go. But it totally sucks. Sometimes the author can see it coming, sometimes it comes as a surprise but I think no matter what, the news brings the author a certain sense of upheaval, self doubt, anger and sadness. Why did this happen? What will I do now? Is this [genre, series, pen name] lost to me forever?

My author had been writing science fiction romance which is one of those romance sub genres that people either adore or REALLY don’t care for. Like time travel. It just isn’t quite as mainstream or considered as widely appealing as say…a demon hunter theme or vampires. The author loved writing paranormal romance and while I AM fairly biased, I think she is very skilled at it and it made sense for her to pursue another contract in paranormal. But after she lost her SF romance series, she discovered just how much of an outside-the-box author she was. She wanted to write about all the things that NY was not really interested in…her ideas were risk-taking in a market that had become increasingly risk-averse. So where did that leave her? Questioning A LOT. In a situation like this, does an author choose to write something that doesn’t interest them in order to please NY? Do they choose to go another route entirely and move to epublishing where greater risk-taking is allowable? Do they find a new genre and try it on for size? In my author’s case, after a lot of soul searching she decided to try something completely different. She might fail spectacularly but at least she would be writing something that made her happy and we would work out the future as we went.

So she made the leap from very, VERY sexy science fiction romance to young adult historical romance with steampunk elements. There are some similarities between the two genre types but really they are more different than the same. And writing for young adult is TOTALLY different than writing for adults. As an agent who handles YA, I see a lot of YA manuscripts and if there is anything I have learned, it is that writing a truly authentic YA voice is VERY hard to do. Many, MANY more people fail than succeed at it. There is no shame in that. Not every writer is skilled at writing every type of thing and that is okay. If it was easy, everyone would do it. My author told me the story she had in mind and it was really pretty awesome. I told her to go for it. And she did.

In fairly short order she sent me the 1st 30 or so pages of the new story and I was thrilled to take a look. This is what happened: I didn’t like it at all. It just didn’t work. The voice was wrong…it didn’t feel age appropriate…the pacing was off. The hook was solid and I knew the plot twists were very cool but at the end of the day, with YA, if the voice isn’t there, the most compelling plot in the world can’t make it work. And it is my job to tell the author this. We brainstormed some ideas on how to make it work better and she tried again. This is what happened then: it still didn’t work. The voice was not right. Not just a little not-right. A LOT not-right. And if it wasn’t right, it wasn’t going to be sellable.

Now I am an editorial agent, so my response to a manuscript one of my clients sends me will almost never just be NO. I think it is my job to help the author make their work better, to make it appealing, to make it sellable. To make them money. I WANT to be encouraging. I BELIEVE in their skills and talents. And I do not like to hand out news that will be disappointing. But as I said before, not every writer is good at writing every kind of book and that is okay. And I am not doing my authors any favors if I continue to encourage an endeavor that may never be the right fit for their skills…when the result might ultimately be a lot of time spent without a sale to show for it. It is hard to know in these cases what is the right thing to do. Should I suggest the author keep going? Should I suggest they hang it up and try something else? I told the author what was not working with the piece. I told her what it needed to be in order for it to have a chance. I gave it to her straight. I didn’t sugarcoat. I also did not expressly suggest that she try it again. I left the decision to her to decide whether to continue working on the piece. And she decided to hang it up. She’d known all along that the project was far outside her writing comfort zone. She agreed that the voice was not right. And she understood that she might not ever get it right. And that it was okay.

Though she was very nice about it and kept a stiff upper lip, I think this decision was really quite upsetting. She LOVED this YA story. It was cool and romantic and fresh and adventurous. It made her happy. It was what she wanted to write and like the SF romance, it was turning into something else that she loved that she might not ever get to publish. And now she would abandon it in search of something else that might please that fickle bitch, NY (even if it didn’t please her).

I didn’t hear from her for a few weeks after that and I gave her some space. I knew she was planning on finding some mainstream paranormal idea to work on in an effort to get back into the romance game. It was probably for the best. Then she emailed me and told me that after she’d decided to set aside the YA, it just would not let HER go. And she couldn’t help but to give it one. more. try. I thought: oh, boy. If this doesn’t work again, this is when the break up (the author and the story) is really going to hurt. This is what happened: I LOVED it. It was fantastic. All the issues with voice and pacing were gone. It had turned into everything that we had wanted it to be. It turned out she DID have a YA voice in her repertoire. I don’t know if the author had needed that time away from the story for that intangible thing that was missing to crystallize but whatever had triggered the change, it was a great thing and I told her to hurry up and write the full. She did. And it was awesome. Then this is what happened:

Kristin Welker’s YA debut, THE CLOCKWORK KEY, a clockpunk romantic adventure set in Victorian England about a girl who unravels the secrets of a mysterious society of inventors and their most dangerous creation, to Anica Rissi at Simon Pulse, for publication in Fall 2012, by Laura Bradford at Bradford Literary Agency (World English).

So what was the point of this rather long and ramble-y story? Everybody did their job, especially the author and her job was the most difficult one of all (and I don’t mean writing the book). My job was to support my author and tell her the truth. And I did exactly that. Even when the truth wasn’t nice or pleasing. Those earlier drafts DIDN’T work. The author’s job was to believe in herself. To believe in her story. To dig deep and to risk failure. And boy did she do that. If it had not been for her belief in herself and her abilities, a gut deep knowledge that she had the chops to write the story she had dreamed of, she would not have a hardcover YA debut coming out next year. She’d been prepared to leave the story behind and I think that decision broke her heart a little…but then that determination and grit way down deep made her try again. It wasn’t MY encouragement. It wasn’t that anyone had told her she could do it.

She knew it. She believed. And she did it.

HOOK 'em in (in three seconds or less)

2011-05-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

What is it?

The hook is the one-sentence core element of any pitch, logline, or query letter. It is incredibly handy to have memorized for any impromptu meeting with an agent or editor (or nosy family friend…) in a situation with limited interaction time (like an elevator).

Essentially, it answers the question: so what is your book about? In a way that intrigues the reader in exactly three seconds (because that is approximately how long you have to catch his or her attention).

Helpful Hook Tips

Fiction

Version One:

X genre in which/When X happens, X must do X to X/otherwise X

If you need help getting started, answer these questions (one sentence answers) and plug them into the formula (and tweak from there):

1.What is your age group and genre?
2.What happens?
3.How does your main character react?
4.What are your main character’s options?
5.What does your main character do?
6.What happens if he or she doesn’t get through it?
7.What are the larger consequences of this?

Version Two:

A specific frustration or situation one of your characters has to deal with that illustrates a key theme or problem (that is ideally unique) in the novel.

Non fiction

Why THIS book NOW? (Be prepared to follow up with: why YOU?)

Examples

Fiction

Version One:

*A sci-fi trilogy set in a dystopian future in which a 16-year old girl offers herself as a "tribute" in a series of deadly war games to save her family

Using the help tip:
•What is your age group and genre?
YA contemporary fantasy
•What happens?
Two girls become sirens
•How does your main character react?
freak out
•What are your main character’s options?
become a bird or finish the task and return to normal
•What does your main character do?
attempts to finish the task
•What happens if he or she doesn’t get through it?
they will belong to Hades
•What are the larger consequences of this?
they will lose their freedom

Plug it in:

YA contemporary fantasy in which when two girls become sirens they must lure a man to the underworld to be set free or they will belong to Hades and lose their freedom.

Tweak it:

YA contemporary fantasy about two girls forced to work for Hades as sirens luring individuals to the underworld unless they want to belong to Hades forever.

When you’re finished, it should be easily recognizable as a SPECIFIC book.

Version Two:

*It’s hard to fall in love with the boy next door…when you don’t remember who he is.

*Becoming a goddess would be pretty awesome…if it didn’t involve death.

This version is more vague, a pure interest piquer.

Nonfiction

*Star Potential is the first astrology how-to guide written exclusively for high school girls ages 15-17 that will capitalize on the teen obsession with astrology-related titles such as the bestselling Star Crossed (Running Press Kids, 2010) and The Star Shack (Sourcebooks Fire, 2010) at an all-time high, and the constant popularity of the horoscope section of teen magazines.

Look at the listings in Publishers Marketplace; these descriptions stem from hooks, though they tend to also be vague.

Practice!

Other Helpful Tips:
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=152587 – index of helpful writing tips

Whoops

2011-04-26T21:02:00.001-07:00

So I realized I haven't posted anything in a while now. Which means not only am I woefully behind in reading, twittering, and email...I'm also woefully behind in blogging.

Let's just say that last week, I looked at my calendar, spit out my wine and said:

"Oh SHNIZER! I'm getting married in FOUR MONTHS!"

And a flurry of appointments, panic-moments, and frantic organizing began.

And then Easter happened.

And then my phone went kaput.

And then a meteor crashed into my bedroom and turtles started dancing and flowers were somewhere over there and the old spice man was at my door with apples and oranges and...

Well. Enough excuses. Please accept this picture of my cat as an apology:

Or stay tuned for a LOAD of upcoming AWESOMENESS, including:

-a post on how to write and perfect your hook (logline/elevator pitch)
-a VERY inspiting guest post by the lovely Agent Laura Bradford

-possibly...the news on when I'm re-opening to submissions...(yes, it has been decided...but not announced...)

Why I'm Scared (to self-publish)

2011-04-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

I started this blog post today after pondering the sentiment many people have that “your days are numbered, agent. Why should I get a publisher or pay you 15% anyway when I can just put it up online myself and get a 70% royalty?!”

I wanted to show that no, really, agents are pretty much awesome. I mean, you can just read this and know that right?

Research commenced. I found out exactly how to self-pub:

“With Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) you can self-publish your books on the Amazon Kindle Store. It's free, fast, and easy. Books self-published through KDP can participate in the 70% royalty program and are available for purchase on Kindle devices and Kindle apps for iPad, iPhone, iPod touch, PC, Mac, Blackberry, and Android-based devices. With KDP, you can self-publish books in English, German, French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian and specify pricing in US Dollars and Pounds Sterling.” -Amazon.com

Sweet.

You just have to price your book between $2.99 and $9.99 to get that 70%; otherwise, you get 35%, which is the rate you will generally get (if not better) from a traditional indie pub.

If you want to be available on more than just the Kindle, you'll need to put your book onto a site like Smashwords.

Awesome. Know thy enemy and all that.

Then came the time to throw the wrench into this eeevil plan.

USA Today writes: “This January [Amanda Hocking] sold more than 450,000 copies of her nine titles…. Novelist J.A. Konrath…has sold more than 100,000 self-published e-books.”

Wait, what?

"The Beanie Baby Handbook by Lee and Sue Fox sold three million copies in two years and made #2 on the New York Time Bestseller list." -Groundbreaking.com

And on and on and on. There's even a self-published book on self-published hall-of-famers!

Boy. Self-publishing ebooks sure doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Sounds pretty lucrative, actually.

The biggest decision you seem to have to make is whether or not to protect your ebook with Digital Rights Management(which, by the way, isn't a clear option you have to do anyway, so it's probably not even something you would think about).

So what can I really say against it?

Nothing. Except that I would never do it.

At the end of the day, self-publishing is incredibly tempting: I have several unpublished manuscripts lying around. I have over 2,000 twitter followers. I’m sure if I priced the sucker at $.99 people would pay to see just what this agent’s got. So why the heck not?

Well. I suppose because there’s no guarantee. Yes, it could be some easy, quick cash; but that’s not the point of publishing, is it? Even Amanda Hocking ended up with a traditional publisher.

Why?

Part of it, I think, is because to make it in self-publishing, you have to constantly promote yourself. You become a business, and any business needs full dedication in order to succeed and grow. Sure, if you make enough money you can hire a promotional team, but you will constantly have to keep proving yourself, constantly have to be everywhere.

But most of it? The big, glaring elephant in the room that is why most writers are afraid (yeah, I said it) of self-publishing?

Because that means that you’re saying you’re good enough.

You’re saying you don’t need anyone else to tell you you belong on bookshelves; you don’t need a deadline or an editorial team backing your every word.

But like I said – there’s no guarantee. There’s no guarantee that even if you take the risk, decide you don’t need anyone else behind you but you, that you will succeed.

The USA Today article mentioned four authors doing the impossible. PublishAmerica boasts over 50,000 authors. Lulu boasts nearly 20,000 titles a month.

Hmm. Ok. Lulu's official stats claim 1.1 million authors, so...4...out of 1,150,000 is...well, ok, let's throw in the ones from the recent Groundbreaking.com list, too, just to be fair, so...37 (heck, let's do 38) out of 1,150,000 is .000033%.

I’ve already spoken to the dangers of self-publishing if you don’t succeed; and honestly, though I love me a Cinderalla story and love me easy cash…I really, really don’t have the time, energy, or confidence, to take this risk.

So while I agree whole-heartedly that self-publishing is very tempting, and can be very lucrative if done well, and if done right, as an agent, it holds about the same pull to me as the million-dollar-jackpot.

Only this isn’t a dollar I'm gambling. It’s my career.

RT Conference Overview - in PICTURES!

2011-04-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

Since I had some requests to take gobs of pictures at RT 2011, I thought I might as well combine them with the conference overview!

So here it is: a slightly blurry, slightly biased and ego-centric overview of RT 2011. Enjoy!

Experiments in Digital Lending

2011-04-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

Today's post is brought to you by Julie Eshbaugh, fab client and author extraordinaire.

She mentioned to me during a recent conversation that she'd started borrowing digital books from her library, and I couldn't resist asking her to do some experimenting to see just WHAT you can and can't do with these copies.

With all the hooplah over library digital-lending, I wanted to know for myself: is there really just cause to prevent this sort of thing?

Take it away Julie!

I first “borrowed” an audio book through my public library about two weeks ago. I just happened to click on “OverDrive” on the library’s home page, not knowing what it was. I learned that I could install an application called “OverDrive,” on my laptop, and through the “OverDrive Media Console,” which it set up on my desktop, I could download audio books to “borrow” from the library.

I was able to customize my lending period. My choices were seven or fourteen days. I chose fourteen.

The first book I “borrowed” was INCARCERON by Catherine Fisher. I wanted to take out a different book, too, but the other book was not available. Apparently, only a certain number of downloads can be “lent” by the library at a time, and all copies had been “checked out.”

Once the book was downloaded, it existed on my laptop in OverDrive. However, when I selected the book from my library’s website, it stated that I could transfer it to my iPod up to three times.

I transferred it to my iPod via OverDrive. I’ve listened to it exclusively on my iPod, although it was available on my laptop, as well.

After the expiration of my lending period, I got the following warning on the OverDrive Media Console on my laptop:

One or more items in your media library has expired.

-Incarceron Series, Book 1

Under the terms of the license agreement and terms of use, you are required to delete/destroy all copies of expired titles, including those transferred to portable devices and other media. Click “OK” to delete expired title(s) now.

OK____________Cancel

I clicked “Cancel,” then tried to play the expired audio book. It wouldn’t let me, gave me a similar message to the above, and deleted the file.

However, I still had it on my iPod. So I hooked my iPod to my laptop to see if that would delete the book from my iPod.

It didn’t.

I downloaded a new book to my OverDrive console. It wouldn’t let me transfer it to a USB drive. I got an error message that the format – WMA Audiobook - was incompatible with the USB.

When I chose “Burn” from the OverDrive Media Console menu, I got an error message: “Unable to burn the selected title because the license prohibits burning to CD.”

However, I WAS able to email part of the book to a friend. (The book is in six parts, each one a huge file. I was able to email one part as a .wma file. I’m sure I could have emailed the other five, as well.)

But wait! When my friend tried to listen to the audio file, he received the following error message: Windows Media Player is unable to play DRM protected media.

So basically, there seem to be plenty of protections in place to be sure that I don’t share it, and I can’t keep it on my laptop. It doesn’t seem to be able to force me to delete it from my iPod, but since I don’t know how to share a file that’s on my iPod with someone else, I guess it won’t be of any value to me once I finish listening to it. I’ll probably just delete it to free up the memory.

I should note that not ALL the books available for audio download from my library can be transferred to an iPod/iPad. Some are only for Windows, some for Mac, some just for non-Apple mp3 players, but I have to say that MOST are available for the iPod/iPad.

So that’s what a few minutes of very non-scientific research unearthed.

Winners!

2011-03-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

All right, let's keep this short and simple:

Congratulations to

Lo When she touched it, a genie popped out

jennykellerford No. It's because I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you.

Michelle Merrill "Oh, forget the freakin' nuts," Gena shrieked. "Where's my unicorn pack? It's time to finish what I came here to do."

Email me with your treasure of preference to claim your prize!

And now, for your reading pleasure, the complete saga of Gena the Unicorn Hunter (edited just a tad for reading ease; deleted sentences don't mean your entry wasn't included, just that they didn't follow the main story):

It all started off so simply.

But Gena had learned never to take simple at face value – like the time she set her bra on fire. Luckily, she'd carried her unicorn preparedness pack in her backpack. Problem was, that unicorn was too quick for Gena. But she wouldn't have that problem this time. A shaker of salt, a lime, and a knife was all she needed.

She slipped the backpack over one shoulder and forged ahead, pushing aside palm leaves as she headed toward the island's interior, staggering under the weight of her weapons.

She reached behind her into her backpack, feeling around for the items, thinking this situation might be better handled with a shovel. It seemed her best option at knocking the unicorn out—and knocking the unicorn out was the only way she'd ever get the unicorn to drink the margarita. Margaritas are, after all, unicorn kryptonite.

But she'd lost her shovel the last time she decided to wander away from the safety of her home. Fortunately, the pack also contained an iron frying pan and everyone knew an iron frying pan was as good as a broadsword.

She reached for it, not noticing that her hand strayed too close to the magic lamp in her side pocket. When she touched it, a genie popped out .

She was far too distracted to notice right away. Two weeks had passed since the unicorn coalition's vicious overthrow of the centaur dynasty, two weeks of mass chaos and unspeakable bloodshed. Those two weeks took a beating on her. She hadn't slept in days and really wanted to be able to walk around without weapons.

Right as she thought that, a lion confronted her and Genie spoke.

"Don't tell me you forgot your unicorn preparedness kit again."

A rather depressed sort, Jim the Genie generally spent most of his time craving chocolate and listening to soap operas while in his lamp. He thought Gena was ridiculous.

"Your warm lamp melted my frozen maragarita," she told him, annoyed at his criticism.

It was useless. Unfrozen margaritas would have no effect on the particular species of turquoise unicorn she was hunting. "I never forget my unicorn preparedness kit." She reveled the kit, showing it to the genie. "Why are you asking me about the unicorn preparedness kit, genie, when clearly there's a vicious lion in front of me, ready to gobble me right up?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "So what do you want me to do about it?"

"Um, obviously? I want you to distract him by braiding his mane into cornrows," Gena replied. "You suck as a genie. Save me and refreeze my margarita."

Jim laughed. "You don't have any wishes left!"

Gena exasperated, "Do I have to do everything around here?" She belted out her biggest "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOAR" at the lion.

She grabbed her shovel, slammed it into Jim's head, stole the lamp and ran.

But she didn't get far before the lamp stopped her in her tracks, freezing every muscle in her body. The lamp pulled itself from her grip, the cold metal vibrated hot and hit the ground with an unearthly sound. The lion was coming at her, and the unicorn was getting away.

Why coudln't the damn genie help for once?

She suddenly shrunk down to the size of a caterpillar and slithered into the lamp's opening. Now-tiny Gena quickly turned away with cheeks flaming when she saw what was inside the lamp --the genie was taking a bath.

Jim the genie turned to her, loofah sponge in hand. "Since it seems so easy to you, we'll see how good of a genie you can be!"

She noticed a small rubber duck floating in the water near him and noticed its eye glimmering. Inside the lamp, the air smelled musty. Exotic colored throw pillows dotted the floor. A purple parrot squacked in a gilded cage while a tiny black and white television blared old soap operas. A tea kettle whistled on a small 1950's white stove.

At least she could think for a minute within the safety of the lamp. Or, she could have if Huey the neighborhood bully hadn't found it at that moment.

Snatching up the lamp he shook it like a polaroid picture. Huey kept shaking the lamp, making the water splash out of the tub.

Gena slapped her hands over her eyes, not wanting to see anymore of the genie than she had too.

The rubber ducky sluiced over the side of the tub and began to grow in size. "QUACK," the duck said. "Quack, Quack QUACK!"

"What the heck is it saying?" Gena cried, her feet stumbling backwards as the thing grew to the size of Big Bird. "I don't speak duck!"

And then it died.

Gena grabbed a pink pillow tassel and yanked, unraveling it into a long rope. She bungee-jumped out the opening of the lamp, yelling, "COW-a-BUNGAAAAAA!!!" But there was a problem not even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could handle, a small problem--she was still the size she'd been in the lamp, exactly 2.5 inches.

BOING!

Jim yanked the pink rope, pulling her back up into the lamp. "We're trading places. I've had it with being stuck in a lamp. You'll have my power, but you can't use it until someone else rubs the lamp."

As she peered through the glass lamp, she saw a fire-breathing unicorn step through the bushes and aim his horn squarely at Jim. Her eyes flicked around the soft, plushy interior as she searched for a weapon.

Crap. Nothing but velvet.

She looked outside. Instead of running, Jim scratched the unicorn's belly. It let out a high-pitched purr the way turquoise unicorns do.

Gena jumped on the unicorn's back, holding on to its mane, and leaped into the mysterious Pond of Normal Size.

"I'm normal-sized again!" she yelled, which only made the unicorn angry, because as everyone knows, Unicorns, turquoise or otherwise, can't swim.

Just as she thought it would trample her, a muscular pair of arms grabbed her and pulled her to safety. The lack of golden bracelets told her, these arms did not belong to Jim or Hugh.

Huey held tighter on his new precious find sans genie inside. "Gena, what are you doing?" He asked.

"Tryin' to rid the world of this freakin' unicorn," Gena said. "I always did hate turquoise."

The unicorn whinnied, insulted by the turquoise comment.

"Gena, wake up," her mother screamed from a very faraway place, "you'll be late for school. Today's the class trip to the Unicorn Museum, isn't it?"

"Don't listen to her," chattered a nut-weilding squirrel as it jumped onto Gena's shoulder. "It's a trick!"

Gina blinked in confusion as her eyes flicked from the squirrel to the nut. "Hmm?" she wondered to her self. "Squirrel? Nut? Squirrel? Nut?"

"No more freakin' unicorns in my life!" Gena kicked and flailed like a toddler. "I'm into fighting dragons now."

She was so distracted, she completely missed seeing the lion take off Hugh's head with one mighty swipe of his paw.

But where was her pillow? She scrambled toward her bed, but the squirrel reached the pillow first.

"Damn pillow-stealing squirrels," she said. What did they DO with all those pillows they stole? Now Gena was utterly confused. Unicorns were extinct because they'd missed the ark, right? So how could she go to a Unicorn Museum, or fight a unicorn?

Gena glanced at the mural on her bedroom wall and watched in horror as the genie, the lion, and the unicorn advanced on each other.

"Squirrel, help me," Gena squeaked out. "Throw your nuts at the genie. He's allergic!"

The squirrel sat up on it's haunches and replied "Lady do you know how long it takes to gather nuts? Get your own." The squirrel squeaked out what sounded like some expletives then spit a nut from its mouth. And the nut pinged around a bit like a pin ball before coming to a rest just barely touching the dragon's tail.

"Oh, forget the freakin' nuts," Gena shrieked. "Where's my unicorn pack? It's time to finish what I came here to do."

But before she could get her wits together and find her pack, the dragon roasted the nut with its fiery breath, then turned to face Gena.

"Here you go." The dragon handed her the nut. "I know you like your nuts toasted."

Gena resisted the urge to kiss the dragon with her fist. She had better things to do with her time - like break up the possibly apocalyptic fight between the lion, the unicorn and the squirrel. She took a deep breath, summoning every ounce of her courage...

"Thank you," Gena said. She winked and blew the dragon a kiss - which promptly turned him into a large, shrewish woman wearing a dress made entirely of flowers and what appeared to be a bedpan on her head.

"My God!" Gena cried, eyeing the bedpan. "How did you know the one thing I feared more than turquoise unicorns or selfish squirrels was PUBLIC BATHROOMS?"

Gena snatched the bedpan off the odd woman's head, stuffing it into her backpack to use the second she found an ounce of privacy.

"Gee, I wish I had an ounce of privacy," Gena said, "'cause I really have to go."

The genie appeared, waving his arms like a lunatic. A droplet appeared in Gena's hands. "What's this?" Gena poked it.

The genie, still naked from his bath, smiled. "An ounce of privacy, of course. Personally, I would've requested a gallon at least."

But really, what were the chances of privacy when a fight with a lion, a really annoying turquoise unicorn, and stupid squirrel spun her head in circles. Or is it her head?

Her stomach flipped over, signaling to her body that all is not right with the world, she may need the bedpan for something other than pee...

Like protecting the orphans from the naked raving genie! Luckily, Gena's psychic tummy senses alerted her to their danger. With bedpan in hand, she ran off to their rescue!

Little did she know that she would literally run into, and trip and fall over the short, stout and pimple-face Prince Littlehorn and his traveling minstrels. Overcome with joy at finding the love of his life, Prince Littlehorn dropped to his knees, grasped Gena's hand and burst into a rousing rendition of I've Been Working My Way Back to You Babe.

Gena preferred the classic "I Got You, Babe," by Sonny and Cher. She was unimpressed by Prince Littlehorn and his less than manly name.

He did, however, look rather sexy in tights. But only if he shed the golden wok worn as an armor. Unfortunately, his hot pink underwear, which could be plainly seen through the tights, spoiled the look.

Gena decided she'd rather pick the naked genie over Littlehorn any day, not that she'd tell him that.

"I've got to go, I need some privacy," she said, tearing her hand from his.

"But I've got a burning love inside!" he cried.

She too had a burning in her chest, which she found out later was only heartburn.

He groveled before her. She bit her lip, paused, and whopped him on the head with the bedpan. Then she searched his pockets for Tums and magical golden birch leaves. Either her heartburn or her troubled relationship with the Birch King was going to change, and now.

Digging deeply into Prince Littlehorn's right breast pocket, Gena discovered the charm she'd been seeking. This charm would rid the entire world of turquoise unicorns, if she but said the correct incantation.

While the Phoenix (who had suddenly appeared) continued to swoop over her head, she tried to remember the incantation.

"Squirrel's acorn scorn unicorns undone begone from under the sun, you dig?" Gena grabbed the tail of the Phoenix but it only burned her hand, and when ran to douse it in dirty Genie bathwater, it left a turquoise mark in the shape of a unicorn horn on her palm.

Just then the dragon flew in.

UGH! She was close, but pronounced dreveritum as derviratum. The turquoise unicorns where gone, but they had not disappeared.

Now they were fuschia!

Gena closed her eyes tightly, repeating the words. When she opened her eyes, the dragon was fuchsia too. This just wouldn't do.

The dragon snorted, and his hot breath curled her hair. Gena turned to the magic mirror on the wall and decided that curls really did suit her after all.

Then turning back to the fuchsia dragon, she told him to settle down quietly while she told him a story.

"Kiss the prince or I will roast you on a spit," snarled the dragon.

Gena didn't know whether to be afraid or disgusted by the rotting, chunks of flesh stuck between the dragon's teeth.

"Why don't you kiss him?" Gena asked. "Frankly he doesn't really do it for me."

The dragon turned an even darker shade of fuchsia. His eyes shifted from side to side; his forehead sweated. "I don't want to kiss the prince-- what makes you think that?"

"Because you are blushing," laughed Gena. "I think you're in love with the prince."

“No. It's because I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you.”

"Fine," Gena said lightly. "I will kiss him." And she did.

The Prince disappeared in a puff of glittery pink smoke, leaving behind another mythical creature~~one that was far more disturbing than the turquoise unicorn.

Gena coughed (she'd inhaled a good deal of glitter), then bellowed the most appropriate thing she could think of for a girl in her situation.

"RIDONKULOUS!"

For what before Gena did suddenly appear? A pink glittering Santa and eight tiny hot pink reindeer!

Gena then knew that magical genius she thought she possessed was not going to save her tonight. She climbed in the sleigh, threw some more glitter in her hair, and said "What the hell, I'm probably dreaming all this anyway."

Without warning or even so much as a battle cry, a flying Night Mare dove into sight. The reigndeer bucked wildly and the sleigh took too sharp a turn. Suddenly, Gena was flying.

"If only I had an in-flight margarita," she thought. "With all these goings-on, a girl could really use a drink."

Suddenly with a giant POOF the famous and fabulous FABIO appeared in a flight attendant uniform with Midori margaritas and bowed while handing her a sugar rimmed glass full of the elixir.

One of the hot pink reindeer sneered, "I wouldn't drink that if I were you."

Right then, Fabio got hit by a wild Canadian goose right across the cheek and flew out of the sleigh.

It was then that Gena remembered why she really needed the margarita-to vanquish the now fuschia unicorns!

Midori margaritas happen to be particularly effective against fuschia, which she realized Fabio must have known on a subconscious level. She vowed to some day return the favor, but first she had to land the sleigh pulled by the hot pink reindeer and find the evasive unicorns.

Tugging on the reins, she pulled left towards the Bahamas. The Bahamian skies were always pink this time of year. They'd disappear against it, like their very own invisibility cloak. Beating the suns fall would be the trick, but if they timed it right, they would glide in unseen to where she already knew the unicorns waited, amongst the lurking shadows of a turquoise sea.

Can I just say that Gena is kind of awesome? ;)

Create Your Own Adventure Contest

2011-03-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

It's that moment you've been waiting for!

To re-iterate and clear up the rules:

To enter the contest, post a comment continuing the story. It can go in any direction you wish - no preparation necessary. You MUST, however, continue on from the previous poster. Minimum entry length is one sentence; maximum length is three sentences.

For example:

My post: I love dogs.
Entrant: This is what I thought as I walked down the path.
Your post: And then a magical LEOPLURIDON jumped out!
Next Entrant: He showed me the way to Magic Mountain.

Obviously, I'm going for fun here, so have FUN with your post. I will randomly select THREE winners from those who post before Friday, March 25th at Midnight PST.

The winners will be announced on Monday, March 28th.

Each winner will have a choice of:

Treasure 1: Hidden Gems - query and first twenty page critique

Treasure 2: Sustenence for Future Quests - $5 Starbucks card and a brainstorm via chat session on whatever you like for 30min

Treasure 3: Gold - $15 Amazon gift card

Sentence is below; GO!

It all started off so simply.

Create Your Own Adventure - Contest!

2011-03-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

That's right - YOU will be leading this adventure! In thanks for all of my awesome blog readers, I'm letting you run the course of this contest!

The rules are simple: I'll be posting a sentence on Thursday, March 24. To enter the contest, post a comment continuing the story. It can go in any direction you wish - no preparation necessary. You MUST, however, continue on from the previous poster.

For example:

My post: I love dogs.

Entrant: This is what I thought as I walked down the path.

Your post: And then a magical LEOPLURIDON jumped out!

Next Entrant: He showed me the way to Magic Mountain.

Obviously, I'm going for fun here, so have FUN with your post. I will randomly select THREE winners from those who post before Friday, March 25th at Midnight PST.

The winners will be announced on Monday, March 28th.

Each winner will have a choice of:

Treasure 1: Hidden Gems - query and first twenty page critique

Treasure 2: Sustenence for Future Quests - $5 Starbucks card and a brainstorm via chat session on whatever you like for 30min

Treasure 3: Gold - $15 Amazon gift card

THANK YOU everyone for making my blog ramblings not quite so silly by reading along - and enjoy!

What's Up with Dystopian?

2011-03-15T14:14:00.001-07:00

I came to realize over the course of reading a few queries recently that a plot I would normally say “eh” to suddenly piqued my interested if it was set in some sort of post-apocalyptic world. So of course I want to blog about it.

I read a fascinating book for a review once called ENCHANTED HUNTERS by Maria Tatar, which explores the assumptions and power behind childhood reading. Tatar’s take on it has resonated with me ever since, and may shed some illumination on why dystopian might be such a captivating and lasting trend:

The authors of children’s books stockpile arsenals of beauty and horror to construct “peak experiences” – memorable moments that offer up the exquisite, the terrifying, and everything in between…. Children’s literature traffics in sensory bliss and horror, offering a secure place for children to go and face down the twin seductions of good and evil.

It offers a safe place, in sum, to explore the horrors of what might be.

Now, more than ever, as technology surmounts higher and higher peaks, it’s hard to imagine that anything can come next. And if it doesn’t, dystopian novels are there to show us that life will go on even if the WORST happens.

Just as bed-time stories used to serve to scare children into going to sleep, these tales of dystopia serve to scare us into why we SHOULD care about the today, and why we SHOULD be cautious about the tomorrow.

Translate that into a teenager’s life, which is tumultuous enough, and I think it shows why YA is leading this trend: forget powers and long-lost vampire heritage. If the world ends, YOU could be a hero just by being able to survive. It’s the ultimate geek-out escape; a way to feel powerful in the imagination by being YOURSELF.

Just my two cents into the popularity of this genre. What do you think?

What an author can do with SWAG

2011-03-14T17:35:00.000-07:00

We interrupt our normal weekly post to GUSH about SWAG!

That's right. SWAG, as in "stuff we all get": freebies.

I decided to gush about it today mainly because I just recieved some swag tid-bits from my clients, Natalie Zaman and Charlotte Bennardo, for their YA debut, SIRENZ (Flux, June 2011).

These ladies are kind of awesome. Just LOOK at what they put together:

<--buttons!

____Book tie-in keychain!---->

Ignoring for a moment my obvious obsession with cats, these are some SUPER fun and SUPER cute ways to promote your book.

A lot of authors don't realize the fun potentials in creating swag, but there are actually quite a lot. Common promotional methods include pens with the author and book name on it, bookmarks, and tote bags with the book cover or some other book tie-in. You know, the kinds of things EVERYONE has a million of but will STILL pick up just because they're free.

These more common items are effective enough, but the best swag items are creative. Take this item I picked up at an RWA conference:

At the time I picked it up I wasn't engaged, but a few months later when I was, you bet this went back on the door - and has stayed there - quite proudly and permanently. It's fun either way though, engaged, single, or otherwise, and that's what makes it good swag: it will be picked up....and USED. And USED=REMINDER of you and your book!

Make sure and clear whatever you want to do with your publisher; there are certain things they may not want you to do, depending on how they plan on promoting the book (i.e., if they are branding you as a fun, sexy author, and you want to make a dark, goth keychain, probably not going to be so thrilled about it, and you may have to change/lighten up your image).

But seriously...have FUN with your promotion; it will totally pay off.

YA vs. Adult: what's so different, anyway?

2011-03-07T17:47:00.000-08:00

One of my biggest pet peeves about submissions is reading queries from authors who are clearly trend-chasers.

Currently, the biggest offender: adult writers who call their novels YA.

To start, let me quote Flux, the YA imprint of Lywellyn’s tagline: “Where young adult is a point of view, not a reading level.”

Obviously, I can’t speak on the actual definition from Flux, but for the purposes of the blog post: Just what does this mean?

Well, first, it means that AGE is not the determining factor of a YA.

Case in point:

Below are two passages. Both characters speaking are 17 years old:

I’m sitting in Grandma Meagram’s room, doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with her. It’s a bright cool April morning and I can see red tulips whipping in the wind in the garden. Mama is down there planting something small and white over by the forsythia. Her hat is almost blowing off and she keeps clapping her hand to her head and finally takes the hat off and set her work basket on it.

I haven’t seen Henry in almost two months; the next date on the List is three weeks away. We are approaching the time when I don’t see him for more than two years. I used to be so casual about Henry, when I was little; seeing Henry…

VS.

It was easy enough to sneak out of school. I knew that from experience. This time, all I had to do was wait until Mrs. Higgins had led everyone onto the outdoor track and then slip behind the bleachers and walk down to the other opening in the chain-link fence.

Sneaking back in, though…that would be a bitch. But I’d just have to deal with that when I got back. Like always.

I shivered in the cool morning breeze. It was 7:00 a.m., or a little past, on the first day in May, and it wasn’t nearly warm enough to be out walking around in the stupid thin T-shirt and short shorts they made us wear for gym.

In case you didn’t guess, the first passage is adult, from The Time Traveler’s Wife, and the second is YA, from The Ghost and the Goth. Clearly, the age of these characters did NOT determine if these were adult or YA books (though as a general rule, no, there aren’t any adult POVs in YA). Neither did the tense, or the point of view.

And that means: you CAN’T just find and replace all mentions of “twenty-three” with “seventeen” and slap YA on the cover page of your manuscript.

What determines YA is VOICE.

There a sophistication and maturity in adult books, no matter the age of the character, that shines through in the voice. To try and break down some elements of what this sophistication and maturity consists of:

1. The language (or word choice) is different.

2. The descriptive nature of the narrative is told in a different way.

Take how Clare tells us about the springtime: “It’s a bright cool April morning and I can see red tulips whipping in the wind in the garden.” Lovely. Gives us a wonderful sense of the world and a clear picture of this day. WE can feel it without her having to tell us how it feels to her; the I is barely present.

Now look at how Alona describes it: “I shivered in the cool morning breeze. It was 7:00 a.m., or a little past, on the first day in May, and it wasn’t nearly warm enough to be out walking around in the stupid thin T-shirt and short shorts they made us wear for gym.” This also gives us a very clear image of what this morning is like, but we experience it THROUGH HER eyes. We are COMPLETELY focused on HER world, HER experiences, how SHE is letting us see this.

In other words:

3. YA voices are very ego-centric.

Ok, ok, I’ll admit; these are definitely fine lines to walk on. More commercial genres of adult have voices that can sound very close to YA. Take Janet Evanovich; her writing is as sarcastic and “I” centered as any teen novel. What sets these apart are the mature situations -- not to say that YA books don’t, or can’t, deal with mature situations, but HOW the characters confront them is very different.

For example:

Mom starts on beer number six. It’s the one I call the Talking Beer….That’s why we’re here at the cemetery, after all. To mourn another lost boyfriend. To add another name to the Men Who Ditched Leona Fitch list.

“I thought he was going to be the one,” she continues. “He was so thoughtful.”

She’s right. Kyle was thoughtful. He gave me a brown bobble-head dog the first time Mom brought him home to meet me. And he earned bonus points for the fact that—in the six weeks he dated Mom—I never once caught him staring at my rolls of fat or my massive chest.

–Blue Plate Special (YA)

This is sarcastic, but it’s also painful. A tough situation sparks sarcasm, but also injury to the teen soul. Stephanie Plum wouldn’t be so bitter about her mom’s drinking; it doesn’t have to affect her anymore. The character here, on the other hand, completely internalizes this situation, and when prompted to think of a moment of thoughtfulness in relation to her mother’s boyfriends, relates it back to herself to understand, for us to understand.

We are only capable of feeling her pain and her view of the world, no matter what the situation, or how sarcastic her voice.

Because I know someone will mention it: "crossover potential" is not a selling point...it's an ignorance point. Yes, YA novels appeal to adults, but they are still YA novels, not in some sort of limbo shelf area of Barnes & Noble. You don't need to say this to me; I'm not going to say it in a pitch to an editor.

I know my examples probably aren’t the most brilliant, but hopefully it at least clears up a few things on YA vs. adult – and why ADULT authors can’t just “become” YA.

And for reference: here is some further reading, on MG vs. YA
Is it MG or YA? on Kidlit.com
The Difference between MG and YA by Laura Backes, Children's Book Insider

Killing the Messenger

2011-03-01T00:38:00.000-08:00

AKA: When Authors Leave Agents

I've already spoken on the blog about making sure an agent is the right fit for you before jumping into a relationship. But even all the caution in the world can't predict if you'll ever *gasp!* have to think about leaving your agent.

I wish I could say I've never been dumped.

But I can't.

It happened almost a year ago, with one of the very first clients I signed. We had a FANTASTIC relationship (I thought). I loved his work, he loved my notes, we went on sale...and...the book didn't sell. We went through rounds and rounds of revisions, but always the same thing. It had flaws, which I HAD understood going in, but I loved the book enough to give it a shot because I loved his style enough to want to do more. So, the plan of attack turned into "let's take what we've learned from all of these editors and use the feedback to make the NEXT book AMAZING."

And so the next book began. And...I didn't like it. There were many of the same problems as the first, and I was starting to recognize that the author really may not be capable of bringing it to the next level. Still, I gave him my notes on what I thought needed to be done to make it something I could take to market, because I STILL loved his voice, STILL was willing to try and dig until that gem I'd sensed in there actually shone. But he was beyond insulted by that point; we'd worked so much on the first book that he hadn't even felt it was HIS work anymore, and so my coming back and telling him I didn't like something that WAS entirely his was devestating.

Why am I sharing this story with you? Because it is at THIS point: unsold project(s), dead-end manucript(s), a rejected manuscript - that many authors feel they need to make THE DECISION: stay -- or move on?

Here are some things to consider if you're considering leaving your agent:

-Do NOT do it just because things aren't going your way

-Do NOT do it just because things aren't happening FAST enough, or how you WANT it

-List out your reasons for leaving, and honestly ask yourself if they sound selfish and whiney, or whether or not your agent LEGITIMATELY is doing a bad job

-If you're upset with editorial feedback, think about the feedback given: is it sound and backed by reason? (As an agent, I consider it my job to be honest. I won't take the chicken way out and pitch a manuscript I know is sub-par just so editors will say it for me. It's my career on the line every time I make a submission; and I'm not going to risk it just to try and make you happy.)

-Have you or the agent lost enthusiasm for the work/relationship - which you feel can't be overcome with a heart-to-heart discussion on direction and next steps?

-Do you not trust the agent's advice? Do you not respect the agent? (To which I say: WHY did you sign with him or her in the first place?!)

-What is your history with the agent? Have you been successful? Has the AGENT been successful? (Keeping in mind, of course, the new vs. established agent stats - a new agent with no sales isn't necessarily a bad sign. A new agent who isn't networking, has no sales within a year, particularly if not backed by a big and/or established agency, or an agent who is sort of...eh, might be worth thinking twice about, however).

-Think of the reasons YOU signed with this agent in the first place. Have things really changed, or are you just frustrated?

-Have you tried discussing your concerns with your agent first? (My former client did end up emailing me a few months later to apoloize and see if we could start anew; we both agreed everything could have been sorted out with COMMUNICATION. However, that doesn't mean we're working together again; the trust was broken. You don't want to leave a good thing that's just shadowed with frustration and miscommunication.)

-Are you basing your judgement on rumor, or fact? I.E.: did you suddenly read a raging post on a writer forum and get freaked out, or did you find out from Preditors and Editors your agent is on the no-no list?

-Have you read through your Agency Agreement to understand what leaving will REALLY mean? (I'm not saying this should deter you; just be prepared. Are you able to sever ties now (some agencies require an initial agreement term)? Is there a "re-capture" clause, during which time, if your work sells, the agency will still commission? Are there any stipulations about what the agency will continue to represent post-termination?)

Regardless of what your decision becomes, I will say that the best way to do this is over the phone. This particular former client, on advice from a writer friend of his, decided to email and cc every person in my office to part ways with me, bad-mouthing me but hoping that one of my colleagues would want to take him on instead.

Bad. Idea.

If you MUST email to break the news (and even after you do so, official termination will require a letter) then do so in a professional, rational, calm mannor. Never in a rage. Never insulting. You do NOT want to put yourself on ANY agent's black list; no matter if your agent truly is the worst person in the world, take the high road out. Even if you're dumping them now, they'll still potentially be your colleague later once you sell a book. And once you do leave, keep in mind, again, that anything you say WILL reflect back on you - as always, sometimes it really is better to say nothing if you can't say anything nice at all.

A further word of caution: if you're considering leaving because you think you can cut corners with the whole finding-an-agent process the next time around, think again. Just because so-and-so liked your work doesn't mean anything to me (especially if it's for the book you're trying to find new representation for; if it's already been shopped around, I really don't want to touch that).

If you have published works, yes, it will be easier to find a new agent than if you don't - I just caution you to read my post on things to consider before jumping into another relationship.

However, agents get emails all the time from clients who were previously represented. And guess what? Doesn't change a darn thing about your submission - in fact, it makes me wonder...are YOU difficult to work with?

It's not a black mark on your record to part with an agent. It is, however, if you decide to bad-mouth them. Agents know and respect each other. We understand that relationships don't work out; styles just don't mesh sometimes. That doesn't mean we're going to jump in with a "whee!" if you're coming into things as an agent-hater. I definitely don't have time for anyone high-maintenance on my list.

And for the love of God, do NOT decide to go behind your agent's back and try and find a replacement before you've severed ties.

Most of all, though: remember that this is going to hurt us too. It’s crushing to lose a client, even if we know it really is for the best.

Agent Limbo is Over!

2011-02-21T23:31:00.000-08:00

Hurray! I am officially with the Bradford Literary Agency.

I realize from some tweets I've seen that my official move date's meaning was confusing, but just to clarify:

I am STILL NOT OPEN to unsolicited submissions. Do NOT submit to me.

Trust me, there will be a (party) announcement when that happens.

All this means is that I am no longer in that weird legal limbo land and 100% at Bradford. I'm still closed to submissions because although my transition is over, Laura and I are still getting to know each other (I know, kind of cheesy, but hey, no reason to put the cart before the horse; I am loving the opportunity to focus on my existing clients and LEARN from an AMAZING agent!).

Cheers! Happy New Agency Day! :D

Why I Hate Prologues

2011-02-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

Yup. That's right. I'm a prologue hater.

Why?

A multitude of reasons. But mainly: because they are HARD to do well.

I'd say 99% of the submissions I receive with a prologue don't need it. Most of the time they read (to me) like: look at me! I can write an AMAZING scene - oh, but...sorry, you have to read 100 more pages to get to it.

?!?

What a prologue should NOT be:

-background information

-from a POV other than the main character

-foreshadowing

-a false start

-an attention grabber

What a prologue SHOULD be:

-an introduction - which means the story will CONTINUE FROM THAT POINT, not 30 years later

-A preliminary act that sets the ACTION of the novel into play - NOT the action itself displaced into the first three pages

-A method to call attention to an important THEME

In ancient times, a prologue was used to describe events that took place prior to the opening scene. They could be supplementary to the text. And if you're writing the next Canterbury Tales, by all means; ancient prologue away.

But if your style is grounded by more modern methods - nix the prologue, please.

SCBWI San Diego Conference overview!

2011-02-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

I spent this past weekend at a wonderful SCBWI conference in San Diego. The best part: instead of being sequestered away for a day of pitches and workshops, I got to sit in on the main action to hear all the panels and talks.

Admittedly, I was a bit of a disaster at this event: I was late, I broke my chair, spilled my FULL coffee – twice – and started talking about flower porn (I’ve been assured that I was “adorable." Doh).

But when I wasn’t being destructo-agent, I was furiously note-taking, which means: time for a conference blog post!

In attendance with me:

The lovely Sarah Dotts Barley, editor at Harper Collins. Along with some inspiring E.B. White quotes (did you know Charlotte’s Web went through 8 drafts in 3 years?), I loved her advice on revising: don’t fall in love with your characters so much that you can’t hurt them. Because as much as we want to find someone who can write…we get SO EXCITED by someone who can REVISE (all agree!).

Jill Corcoran, agent at the Herman Agency, expanded that revision is, literally, a REIMAGINING of your book. It’s not a checklist to go through – and, I’ll also add, NOT a test on speed. Take the time to sit down and THINK about your characters, motivations, and re-(in)vision your execution.

After all, we agents are looking for the four Ps in a client, added Chris Richman of Upstart Crow: Patience, Professionalism, Perseverance, and Perspective (love that, by the way).

The fabulous Kira Lynn of Kane/Miller added insight into the thought process behind submission requirements: we need to know you know how to listen to what we say, and if you can’t listen to how to submit, that doesn’t bode well. In regards to pre-queries and cliff hangers in log lines (hooks) and synopses: you can’t tease us – we’ll just not want to play (wise, wise words my friends!).

Kim Griswell, editor at Boyds Mills Press, added THE highlight for me with her talk on voice. She NAILED it – and let me tell you, voice is the hardest. Thing. Ever. To talk about. In sum: voice is the quality that allows the reader to forget about the author. It has place – a taste of where you came from, what’s shaped YOU, the author, in life, and sensory details. The best voices reveal a piece of the writer – what YOU notice because of who you are -- which, I’ll add, makes sense; as humans we’re going to connect the most to real human voices, because it allows a character to seem real, which allows us to forget that they were written.

*Awesome revision tip for voice: go through your manuscript with five different colored highlighters, one for each sense. It’ll show you what you’re really doing as you write – and what you may need to expand on *

David Diaz, award-winning illustrator, offered the final insight into the world of picture book illustrations. Bottom line: they don’t tell you how to write – so don’t tell them how to illustrate. As an author, you don’t think as visually as they do; give them the space to bring the text to that level. They’ll bring out qualities in your work you could never have imagined when you do. So if you MUST have illustration notes, say them “as a direction” rather than a must. (Mary Kole has a great post on why publishers prefer to use their own illustrators, just fyi: mainly, because they want to match up a debut author with an established illustrator to sell the book!)

I realize that was quite a mash-up of information – the beauty of a conference! Take it in, think about it, and digest it; then apply it.

Thank you ladies of the San Diego SCBWI for putting on such an AMAZING conference!

My Author Scarf...or My Agent Shoes?

2011-02-03T20:47:00.000-08:00

I had a client recently who saw several of my tweets and got concerned because, from all appearances, I was picking up my writing hat again (I keep using the hat analogy in all my blog posts; I don't even LIKE hats all that much. I'm going to start using shoes. Or scarves...)

Before my discussion with her, I hadn’t realized that agenting and authoring were such exclusive businesses. Mainly, because when I started in this industry as an intern, as I was introduced to the agent staff I was told, “We’re all writers -- or have been.”

There are many agents who are also authors: Mandy Hubbard, (previously) Nathan Bransford, Laura Rennert, to name a few.

I’ll admit that logistically, I’ve always sort of wondered how that works: do they represent themselves? I'm also in COMPLETE awe of their ability to do it all. But I never worried about what AUTHORS thought of such a practice – and I should have, because apparently, they have quite STRONG opinions about it!

Some don’t care; some reason that as long as the agent is doing a good job, it’s a bonus, really, as the agent can then sympathize with deadlines and the woes of the process.

Others feel it’s a conflict of interest; budgeting time between when to write and agent, when to promote self vs. clients, and even when to close to certain types of submissions so as NOT to conflict with what he or she is writing.

My own standpoint on this has always been a little washy. As someone who started off purely on the author side of things (just an interview link that explains what that means), I’ve always dreamed that one day, I COULD find the time to write my own novels and maintain a select, but fantabulous client list. The more I delve into agenting, however, I’m thinking that may just be impossible; it takes an INCREDIBLE amount of time to be an author: aside from just finding time to WRITE, there’s finding time to edit, finding time to promote oneself, finding time to revise, finding time to meet deadlines.

After my conversation with my client, I’m sort of glad I’ve never committed either way. It makes me sad, to think I’ll never write professionally, which is why I can’t quite give up that dream (and part of me is resentful if I HAVE to), but I also completely understand how my clients could be concerned, and I think hey, I’m a professional; as an agent, my duty is to my clients. Period. They didn't sign on for that...why start now?

A fellow agent of mine has had to deal with this question directly because there is an author that shares her name; she’s had people PASS on her as an agent because they think she’s the author, and she’s also had clients tell her upfront that they’re out if she ever writes. That boggled my mind!

So, fellow publishing enthusiasts; what do you think? Is there a consensus to be reached on this…or is it just another gray area that will forever remain an area of debate?

It's Networking, Baby!

2011-01-31T00:48:00.000-08:00

Instead of doing a post-conference round-up after my fabulous weekend at the San Diego State Conference, full of the same ol stories and pitfalls to avoid, I wanted to discuss the most important thing I always take away from ANY conference: networking.

Aside from the benefits of critiques, shared interests, support, workshops, and lectures that conferences can offer, one of the MOST important benefits is the potential to network.

As an agent not based in New York, conferences are one of the few times I get to see the editors and fellow agents I know and work with in person. Putting a face and personality to a voice and name is incredibly important; it gives an understanding to the knowledge of likes and dislikes (and is just plain fun!).

But what can networking do for an author?

The same thing it does for me: it makes agents seem human, approachable.

I know this is sort of lame to say, but you'd be incredibly surprised how much farther you can get with a smile than a frown. Case in point: two authors. One I laughed with at a conference. One who says they just attended with me. Guess whose work I'm turning to first? And guess whose work I'm going to give more feedback on?

Networking builds a relationship from which, even if nothing comes out of it, more is likely to be offered. If I connect with you, I'm going to give you as much helpful feedback as I can, even if I don't offer representation. And I'll also be there to answer any questions you have.

So don't burn bridges. One poor agent was read the riot act by an attendee for not being more helpful and offering line edits (yeah, seriously), when in all honesty, the agent said to me, if he'd thanked her for the time she'd given and just asked...she would have given him what he wanted. Now, he's just a blip in her email right before she hits DELETE.

Most authors assume the only benefit of these appointments is the chance to be seen and heard. But really, I remember the people I chat with more than the ones who pitch me; and even if the ones who I chat with don't pitch me THEN - I'll remember who they are, and be MORE than happy to read their work later!

But what other benefits can networking provide?

Debra Driza has an amazing story to share on that one. She calls it procrastinating; I call it brilliant networking. I don't know the full story, but in sum, Debra met an editor at a conference with a fabulous idea. The editor really clicked with Debra, and asked her to send a writing sample, which she did (after checking with her agent, I have to add, which only shows more brilliance on Debra's part). The editor loved her writing, took it and the idea to the acquisition meeting, and voila, book deal was born!

Forging connections with other AUTHORS is also important; I've had my clients meet lovely people at conferences and send them my way. I've also had clients meet a published author who wants to tell her editor all about her new friend's work - and get her an in -- because they clicked so well.

These kinds of strange connections build to publishing deals quite a bit in this business. Once you start networking, via conference, twitter, writing groups and communities, you'll be surprised what opportunities you can find once you start to look.

If you're too nervous to chat with editors and agents at a conference, at least chat on Twitter or blogs. Make yourself comfortable with us.

It'll pay off, and trust me - I love networking with YOU right back!

Rocks are Nice but...

2011-01-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

Before you freak out about the book industry, consider this:

There are some AMAZING things happening right now. Borders and midlist freak-outs or no, the bottom line is that people are still making money on books. It may not be in the same format as it always was -- and Mary Kole had an excellent post about what that means for agents, if you're interested -- but authors are no less in demand than they once were.

Some of the coolest things going on:

Picture Books Apps (and Apps in general)
Have you SEEN one of these suckers? They are the neatest thing since sliced bread! Not only do they read stories to your children, the children can TOUCH things in the story to make sounds and say words, they can play games and fill in the colors, they can choose alien bodies for cat heads; the possibilities are expanding daily. Parents love them as an alternative to movies and video games for entertainment, and authors love them...because parents are loving them.

Japanese Text-books
I don't think I actually want to try one of these out, but just the thought that people are becoming best-sellers via text blows my mind.

Send-a-story Cards
Just another example of how clever new packaging or ways to read mean MORE sales and income, rather than the death of publishing and authors!

E-presses
I know authors that make over $50,000 a year on ROYALTIES ALONE via e-presses. Not that I'm saying it's the norm; certainly, the majority of these are in romance and they publish four or five titles a year, but still. I know these up-and-coming venues still tend to be looked down upon as one step above self-publishing, but they are definitely a force to be reckoned with.

The YA Market
Not exactly a technological development, but defintiely a sign of hope in publishing. Consistantly, TEENS DON'T LIKE E-BOOKS. This is our future, and the market is booming; all the new genres available are paving the way like a gateway drug into the adult market. Of course, as soon as e-readers become more affordable (and replaceable) for teens, they'll probably start climbing the e-charts too. But they'll still be reading!!

These are just a FEW awesome publishing developments that I can think of right now, but really...that ALONE should tell you...the future isn't bleak...if you embrace it! If you know of anything else I've missed here, please do share below; I'd love to hear of it!

Advice from Along Came Polly

2011-01-19T00:08:00.001-08:00

As I start to prepare for the start of my 2011 conferences, I was reminded by the scene below just how...painfully...interesting, many pitch sessions can go.

This is between Ben and Jennifer in ALONG CAME POLLY, when she shows him her idea for her children's picture book:

B: Huh.

J:You hated it.

B:No, I don't. It's just... It's very graphic for a children's book.

You know, like this one: "The Boy with a Nub for an Arm."

J: Well, that one has a moral.

You know, to teach kids they gotta be careful
when they're playing with fireworks.

B: Right. No, and-and I think it's brilliant, by the way. Seriously.

J: Uh-huh.

B: I mean, like, you really convey...the pain and the fear, and I love the little doggy too.

But... And I don't mean this in a bad way.

J: Right.

B: Just what were you thinking?

What I really liked about this scene was how it puts into perspective the whole process. It’s an awkward process for both of us but…it’s only purpose is to help you take your career to the next level. I'm doing the best I can TO help because I DO care about your path as a writer. Even if I don't like an idea or have feedback to give, don't take it the wrong way; take it as my encouragement to try and steer you toward success.

Obviously (hopefully) I'd never be so blunt, even IF presented with "The Boy with a Nub for an Arm," but it can definitely be a struggle sometimes to CONSTRUCTIVELY criticize based on, essentially, an idea alone.

So take advice with a grain of salt – but take it in in the right mind frame to begin with.

It's QUERY season!

2011-01-12T22:39:00.000-08:00

Since apparently it’s query season (no joke – inbox jumped from 99 submissions to 195 in ONE DAY!!!) I thought I’d take a moment to share a few…insights, into what actually annoys me as an agent when wading through the inbox.

So, without further ado…

Top ten query pet-peeves:

1. An email asking about how to submit

Any request for information available on the agency website, including “are you open to submissions?” or “do you accept this kind of material?” is just a waste of my time. I always want to scream back HOW did you find my email, then, if you don’t know how to find the answer to this?!

Avoid unnecessarily emailing agents, period. If your goal is to try and “establish a connection” or be able to write back “per our email conversation,” you’re just shooting yourself in the foot.

2. When I send a response, and get “oh, I already have an agent anyway” back.

Always, always, always (did I say ALWAYS? Yes? WELL AGAIN: ALWAYS!) either notify considering agents or WITHDRAW submissions. YOU should be keeping a log of who you submit to, and even if the agent never requested material, if it’s within his or her response time period (and especially if he or she is the kind who always responds), YOU should have the balls (and pride!) to withdraw your submission if you decide to accept an offer.

3. When I send a response, and get a bitter rant about how stupid I am and how I’m going to lose my job soon anyway and publishing/agent days are numbered and…

Keep your shirt on. Don’t burn bridges, no matter WHAT. Even if the agent IS wrong, even if you DO have another offer, if you don’t have anything nice to say, really, it’s just better not to say anything at all. We are your future colleagues, after all – keep that in mind in all correspondence!

4. Incoherent queries/typos

Spell check, and run your query by a few people. See if they actually understand what you’re saying. I’m not kidding – I get so many queries where I’ve read down two paragraphs and then suddenly realize…wait, what? Even if you have to simplify things to get the point across, do so; save the she loves him but he loves her not her but her who is married to his second removed cousin for the synopsis – “love triangle” or “complicated relationship” does just fine in a query. Even an un-complicated plot can be incoherent in a query if you say it in some high-falutin and unnecessary way.

5. Queries with so much world-building/assumed knowledge I can’t understand the plot

There is nothing more annoying than a bunch of character names I can’t even pronounce in my head. Give them a frikkin nickname, and keep in mind when writing your query that YOU WROTE THIS STORY and I AM SEEING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

6. Queries with lots of big paragraphs or tiny font

Short and to the point is best! I understand that you can’t always predict how an email will turn up at the other end, but at least from yours, don’t TRY to make the print tiny just to make it SEEM like a smaller letter. If you have to do that…it’s too long.

7. Clearly cut-and-pasted form letters

If you think you’ve figured out a loophole to that whole personalized letter business with one of those “from looking at your website I thought you’d like…” or “based on your interests, you seem like a good match for…”, you haven’t. It’s better NOT to put any personalizing details in there if they’re vague and washy.

I’m not begrudging you cut-and-pasted letters; not at all. I’m just saying don’t make it OBVIOUS. Take the time to highlight your email and make sure it’s all the same font size and style (and color); it makes a difference.

8. Self-bashing or arrogant statements

Either extreme is annoying, be it “I’m going to sell a MILLION copies!!!!!!!!” to “I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my bad writing.” Things like “your humble servant” or “I know your time is very valuable and I thank you for taking a minute to read this letter” make me feel squidgy. Even if you’re trying to be funny, don’t do it; sarcasm doesn’t usually shine through in a query letter.

9. Unwanted attachments

This applies to pictures and fancy backgrounds in your email, too. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t all have fancy, state-of-the-art query readers. If your email makes my computer freeze…no dice.

10. Copyright notices

I have SERIOUSLY gotten emails that state “All rights reserved. No part of this email may be reproduced without prior written consent from Ivalotta Trustissues.” Admittedly, these are far and few between, but even those blasted copyright symbols with the date next to your work annoy me. They tell me: I don’t actually trust you are a professional and moral person, even if that’s not what you’re saying at all.

News

2011-01-03T20:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Agent Adventure Lovers,

This may come as quite old hat to many of you, given I’ve had an auto-response up on my query email about it since November 29, but, in case you haven’t heard:

I am moving to the Bradford Literary Agency!

The change won’t be official until February 22, 2011; however, during the transition process, I am not accepting unsolicited submissions at either location. Don’t worry – I’ll be open to submissions again; I’m just in a really funky legal-limbo-land at the moment, and it’s best for all parties to keep things as simple as possible.

I know there are going to be a million and one questions; I can’t answer them all. But here are a few FAQs:

Why are you leaving?

While I learned a tremendous amount during my nearly 4 years at the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency, it was time to move on to a new adventure. The Bradford Agency mission statement is one I proudly share and believe in, and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to both learn from and grow with one of the most amazing agents ever to hit the literary stage! It was Laura’s expertise in commercial fiction which I was particularly drawn to (and her dry wit, her agency kitten, her peculiar love for dragonflies (j/k) and…on and on), and I’m getting to calm down on my hat-wearing and focus on being Laura’s assistant and (for now) my wonderful existing clients!

What happened to my submission?

Unsolicited: as per the auto-response, queries received prior to November 29, 2010 were reviewed (per the agency's policy, so if you didn't hear back, it was not for me); however, any sent past that date I did not even consider. I am no longer monitoring the nfsubmissions inbox. At all. You will need to either re-submit to an agent at the Dijkstra Agency or to Laura Bradford at the Bradford Agency.

Solicited: I will continue to respond to requests and referrals (this includes conference requests). However, you should use my regular email (Natalie(at)dijkstraagency.com), and not nfsubmissions, as I am no longer monitoring that inbox.

When will you be accepting submissions again?

Most likely in a few months (come spring), once all the dust has settled and Laura is ready to give me the green light.

Are you still agenting?

Absolutely; I’m just not expanding my current client list at the moment.

Wait, then why are you still responding to referrals and requests?

Because although I personally am not taking on new clients, both Laura Bradford and the ladies at the Dijkstra Agency are. Trust me, it’ll be a heartbreak to part with something I love, but I’ll be ok knowing I’ll be passing it on into very, very good hands! In essence, I’ll still be considering these projects like I normally would – except that instead of offering representation or requesting a full, I’ll be letting someone else take over from there. Who that someone else will be will depend on which agency you address your submission to; despite my personal in-between position, there is no moving across agencies for submissions.

Have I confused you all yet? Hopefully; that way, you’ll be just dying to read the post I come up with to summarize the experience… ;)

Warmest regards,
Natalie

Stranger Danger

2010-12-13T20:57:00.000-08:00

When I first started agenting, I had no idea how common it was for agents to be approached by authors with deals already on the table. Be it from the outcropping of small presses who accept unsolicited submissions, new e-presses, or conference networking, it’s something that does, indeed, happen frequently.

I’ve spoken to fellow agents on the topic and witnessed several relationships forged out of such a circumstance with grim results; it seems that both sides often neglect to be as cautious as they should in light of temptation.

Here are a few things authors in this position should keep in mind to hopefully prevent these grim results:

-MAKE SURE THE AGENT REPRESENTS THE GENRE YOU WRITE IN

An agent with a background in your genre will know what the acceptable standards are when negotiating the contract. But this is important not just for that book; make sure the agent is a good fit for your CAREER. If an agent doesn’t have a track record, i.e., he or she is newer, at least pay attention to what the agency has represented in the past, and what the agent says he or she is looking for in his or her bio. Just because the agency has represented your kind of work in the past isn’t a guarantee that agent does. A newer agent may be more willing to jump on ANY sure thing, but come time for the next project, they’ll be completely stumped on both any editorial feedback, and who to submit to.

-BE WARY OF AN AGENT WHO AGREES TO TAKE YOU ON WITHOUT READING THE MANUSCRIPT FIRST

I think what authors forget is that they WILL have to keep working with that agent for the lifespan of that book, NOT just for the contract. An agent’s job is to be your advocate; it’s difficult for an agent to be the best advocate for your book if they don’t love it!

More importantly, however:

-BE WARY OF AN AGENT WHO DOESN’T WANT TO SEE ANY OTHER SAMPLES OF YOUR WORK

An agent may not think to ask for more samples; however, YOU should. Why? Because sometimes, the book you’re writing may be an anomaly in the grand scope of your writing, or, as often happens with category romance authors, the main purpose of getting an agent when you already have an offer is to transition into a successful career. If you’ve published 15 category romance novels but want to write single title, make sure the agent likes your single title style!

Finally, have a chat with the agent. Make sure you jive with him or her personality-wise as well; ask the questions you would have asked sans deal on the table, such as response time, editorial style, communication preference, submission style, favorite 80’s hairstyle (that last one’s a deal breaker, I know).

Even with all these things in mind, there’s no guarantee that the relationship will work out; sometimes, things change and you may no longer click. Just don’t be afraid to sever ties if that happens – as respectfully and graciously as possible. No need to burn bridges, after all.

Just don't feel pressured into picking an agent fast. Be upfront with your editor about wanting to try and find an agent and, worst-case scenario, you DON'T find the perfect agent for you, and you find a publishing lawyer (note: PUBLISHING lawyer; publishing law is VERY different from other law, and lawyers not in this field tend to make the process a headache for everyone - take a look at Paul S. Levine; he is a great example of what to look for in a publishing lawyer) or send your contract off to the Author's Guild.

It's not impossible to strike agent-client relationship gold without all these cautionary measures, but hey, it's also not impossible to find the love of your life via a mail-ordered bride.

Growing Pains

2010-12-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

One of my biggest pet peeves as an agent is dealing with an author with an ego problem. This is the author who gripes about everything, never has time to spare for an interview, let alone a question from a peon, and treats those who “work” for him or her like they should be worshipping the ground that he or she walks on, because clearly, he or she is THE only author who matters.

For a long time now, this is all I’ve been focusing on. And then, this week, it hit me: I am becoming that AGENT.

No, not the agent of the author with the ego problem; the AGENT with the ego problem.

Yes, you heard me – I, NATALIE FISCHER, AM DEVELOPING AN EGO PROBLEM.

I’ve seen the signs: tweeting snarky comments about queries, secretly relishing the ability to hit “delete” due to our agency’s “no response if not interested” policy, avoiding interaction with authors as much as possible at conferences, and my personal rejections getting more and more vague.

All in the name of “time-saving,” I convinced myself. I’m not a “new” agent anymore; I have SO many more responsibilities.

Yeah, right.

There ARE many things going on in my life right now; I’m recently engaged and dealing with a transition (to be announced…). And part of these “signs” ARE indeed part of seasoning; after all, if I can find a seat at a conference dinner next to someone who isn’t going to pitch me the whole time, and rather let me eat and enjoy conversation, then yeah, I’m going to opt for that.

But part of me is also forgetting what it feels like to be the author. What it feels like to be humiliated by a mistake.

It took a mistake of my own to realize it, and I sincerely thank the author who called me out on it (I read a submission quickly, and, long story short, rejected her manuscript based on the competition of other Nazi occupation books when her book has zero to do with that. Doh.)

That, to me, is unacceptable. A rushed response is NOT better than a delayed, helpful one. In fact, it’s worse: I’ve HARMED myself by rushing that response. It was a waste of both my time, and the author’s.

Yes, there are bitter people who will respond to me angrily no matter WHAT I say or do; but that’s not my problem. Forgetting to be as helpful as possible and as gracious and professional as I can IS.

So I am challenging myself. I am challenging myself to NOT forget where I came from. To keep my heart and ears open to criticism, and change. And to respect the restraints of growth with dignity, rather than scrambling to find excuses or ways around them.

Who knows…maybe my post will inspire one of you to take this challenge, and not become the angry self-centered author, too.

Or so this peon can only hope. ;)

Open Forum - Answered!

2010-11-29T01:45:00.000-08:00

HOW AGENTS WORK WITH CLIENTS

Michelle Merrill said...
I'm curious about the timeline on a debut novel that's in the first rounds of revision with a newly signed client. As an agent, do you typically shoot for a certain word count per week?  
 
There are no time lines for revisions. I think the instinct for most writers when they are asked for a revision is to get it done as quickly as possible to prove they are ON it and capable of doing it (at least, I know that’s how I used to feel!). But in reality, when I get a revised manuscript back within two or three days, if I wasn’t asking for minor things, I get wary. I don’t want a rushed revision; I want a thoughtful, TRUE revision.

Also, when you’re working with a new author on a second or third book, what's your timeline on getting that new book? Again, do you try to get the author to send a certain word count per week or do you wait until they've written a set number of chapters?  
 
That is completely up to my client. I don’t set goals for my clients’ work; that’s their job. If I were an editor or a publisher, then yes, there would be a deadline to turn in the next book under contract (same for revisions, too). These deadlines are stated in the contract; I’ve seen anywhere from 15-30 days for revisions, and 6 months to a year for the next book (it varies a lot by genre, too, what the deadlines are). I have clients who like to show me works in progress and get feedback, and I also have clients who like to wait until they have a finished manuscript to show me. Up to them; I’m open to any stage from my clients. That is something to discuss with your agent and decide how you will work best with him or her.

makenna.landes said...
I'm curious about the process involved once an author has been signed-more specifically, about what happens after an author's first book.   Since a signed author already has an agent, he or she would not need to send out a query letter for subsequent books. Do these books, however, need to be approved by the agent? And how does this work?

No, an existing client does not need to pitch me (or query me) their new book. However, not all agents automatically represent the next work. Many agents sign clients on a book-by-book basis.

Typically, the client still doesn’t need to actually query again even in this situation; they just email or call and say “I have this new project…” and the agent will take a look.

Whether or not a next book is approved by an agent, well yes, whether the agent is book-by-book or career (represents all works), the agent still has to feel it’s something he or she can sell before going to market. I HAVE told clients, “no, I don’t think this idea is strongest; let’s move on.” You NEVER want an agent who will represent ANYTHING you write, regardless of what they think.

Would a signed author tell his/her agent an idea for the next book before the writing process even begins, once there is an outline, once the book is written, etc?  

Again, up to the client, and often, up to the agent. For me, yes, I love when my clients run ideas by me – but it isn’t necessary.

Amie Kaufman said...
My question is about how you work with clients on second/third/later books. Do you look at their ideas together and choose a project, or brainstorm? Do you advise on what might work best for them or the market?

Since I’ve answered the ideas question, I’ll focus on what works best for the market. Yes, I do advise if I think a project won’t have market potential. However, what I usually say is: No, I don’t think I can sell this now, but if you want to write it, WRITE IT. I won’t EVER stop my client from writing what they want. I just may not take all of it to market. ;)

QUERYING

Cathy said...
Any advice/wisdom/enlightenment on how to determine a story's genre?

Hopefully you are reading in your genre, and so usually, the easiest way to determine what in the world you’ve written is to see what books out there resemble yours the most.

Andrea said...
What's the best thing to do if one queries you, and gets a request from office assistant T who has since begun taking on her own clients, and you're not sure your full was received (because you mailed it from another country), so you resend via email (as the agency has now gone to email), but you're still not sure it's been seen yet? Wait a month and then ask/nudge?

Well, to try and answer this as generally as possible… ;) Many agents don’t acknowledge receipt of a request. It’s not because we’re mean and rude people; honestly, it’s just that we don’t have the same perspective as the author. An agent will log in to 50 + new emails each day; letting an author know we got their email often isn’t priority! For me, usually it goes straight into my queue to be read.

That said, if you have a request, general protocol would be to wait at least two to three months before nudging (as gently as possible). And if your request was by a different agent in the office other than the one you initially queried – be flattered! It means your story wasn’t quite right for that agent, but it was still GOOD ENOUGH to be passed on to someone else.

Jenilyn Tolley said...
If an agent gives feedback (but ultimately passes) on a partial or full, is it all right to requery them after making major changes?

Yes, but always make sure to state that they’ve seen it before. You’d be surprised how good agent memories can be; since I’ve gone to email, for instance, I’ve gotten several repeat queries I saw on paper before. It annoys me. It does NOT annoy me if the person says, “I queried you a few months ago, but since then, I’ve re-written, and so just in case…” etc.

And, after making major changes, is it okay to requery other agents who passed on the query and sample pages alone?  

I would say, as a general rule, unless you have MAJOR changes, I wouldn’t do it.

Joanna St. James said...
When you are successfully querying an agent, do you have to tell them what pub houses you are targeting with that manuscript or do they just look at it and think this will be good for Simon &Schuster or Harlequin?

You never need to specify what publishing houses would be perfect for your book. That’s the agent’s job to know.

However, if you write a book that you think WILL only fit in one publishing house (for example, a specific Harlequin line), you may have a problem, because agents want to represent novels they can pitch to more than one house. Because if that one perfect house rejects it…well, sh*t out of luck. You’d be better off sending directly to that house sans agent if that is the case (and you could always ask an agent to negotiate a deal for you later – though I’ll have a post on the pros and cons of this later!)

catdownunder said...
An agent says "I am not taking any more new writers at the present time." Is it the correct thing to write and ask them if they could let you know when they are going to take new clients because (a) you really want to be represented by them and (b) this is what you have to offer? Is this considered rude, too pushy, an indication that you do not listen to advice or just that you are determined to try?

NO. If an agent says they are not taking on new clients, they DO NOT want to be contacted. If you really want to be represented by them, you just have to wait it out until they are taking on new clients.

Michelle said...
What is a typical minimum word count that an agent will accept for a MG and for a YA novel?

Minimum for MG: 35,000 (on the low, low, low side; more often, 40,000).
For YA 50,000 (again on the low side, typically contemporaries more than any other genre).

Obviously, there are always exceptions, but honestly, I don’t know why anyone would TRY to be the exception. Exceptions are exceptions because they are HARD and near IMPOSSIBLE!

TRENDS

(Can I preface this topic with….nooooooo!? *deep breath* ok. Diving in!)

Ilima Loomis said...
Can you talk about historical fiction in the children's/middle grade market? I've heard this genre is very slow right now. Can a new author debut in this genre?

A new author can debut in ANY genre; nothing is closed. And yes, while certain genres are tougher to sell, if it’s amazing, it WILL sell. Personally, I think historical is slow only because it’s tough to do well, and tough to do in a new way.

More generally, do you think it's worthwhile for a writer to invest time in a project when the genre is supposedly "not selling"?

Yes. Never force yourself to write something just because you think it’s “hot”; it just won’t be as good of a book. Write what you’re passionate about; that’s the only way you stand a chance to make a tough sell amazing enough to sell!

Everything in publishing is cyclical. I like to use romance trends as an example: historical was out, contemporaries in, historicals were all the rage, contemporaries were dead, and now contemporaries are on the rise again – all within a 15 year time span.

Timing is the key when shopping a project – so even if you have a “slow” genre, just keep at it; eventually, it will pick up again.

Pam Harris said...
I know most agents hate the trend question, but are editors buzzing about any genre in particular right now? Something that they're just dying to have?

Honestly, the most I will say about this is that lighter books tend not to be doing so well, nor do angel and demon books (already a ton under contract at pub houses), mysteries, chick lit, or memoirs. I heard gods and goddesses and mermaids were next, but even those are already starting to glut in sales.

Again…focus on your passion, and the cyclical nature of publishing will eventually circle back your way.

:) said...
What do you think is the most important thing for fairy tale writers to know about the market?

That it is GLUTTED with spin-offs. It is VERY hard to do a fairy tale unique enough to stand out; look for more original sources than just Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast!

Is it different for writers of original fairy tales than for retellings/reimaginings/reperspectivisms?  

Well yes, because original fairy tales won’t have to worry about competing with every other Cinderella and Anorexic Vegan Zombies out there! Typically, original fairy tales will appeal more to a younger crowd, however, and so the best thing for this type of writer to know is that it would have to be darker and less silly to appeal to an older audience.

I just saw a news story that said Disney is off of princesses after Tangled for the foreseeable future. Are princesses going out of style or are they timeless like vampires? 
 
Princesses will NEVER go out of style, imho. ;) Disney is just being dumb, because they didn’t get the Russian and Fairy princess.

Michelle Merrill said…
Do you think paranormal romance will still be popular in five years? Maybe something with a fresh look on a topic that is totally new or so old it will seem new?   

Again, cyclical! I have no idea.

BLOGGING

LTM said...
Some bleeps recently were approached by agents who'd read samples of their writing on their blogs. (Like they got full MS requests from samples.)  We were wondering: #1-how common is this? (agents trolling blogs/reading writing samples) 

Not common at all. Usually the agents who do this are newer and hungrier to build their list (and this is not telling of “good” or “bad” agents, rather, they are rising stars and real go-getters, if I don’t say so myself…!)

#2-are there any dangers? (self publishing concerns, etc.) 

Yes; you don’t want to give the milk away for free, so to speak! SAMPLES are ok; anything more does indeed get into the self-publishing area.

Some agents will ask that their clients take down their samples once they go on submission. A big reason for this is that once a book sells, the publisher has the exclusive right to publish the material, and blogging is a form of publishing. Excerpts fall under “first serial” rights, and publishers will try to get these placed in magazines etc. You can still post samples, but you need to get permission first.

#3-any advice here? (if we do this, what should we post? First 250? The most exciting part?) 
 
Post one to two sentences of description about what the book is about – your hook – and the first 250 words. The FIRST 250 words, not a random part, if it will be constant (you can participate in “teaser Tuesday” and post a random part, though usually these are snipped later so as not to build a collection of the entire book!).

Jaci said...
How important is a blog following for a fiction writer? Are blogs really seen as credible, or do you roll your eyes when someone says, "I blog!"

Not very credible at all, I’m afraid. The reason for this is that no matter HOW many followers you have, there is no guarantee they will all go out and buy your book. People with followings like SH*T MY DAD SAYS are credible because they’ve proven a very WIDE audience, and so there’s more of a probability that many people will buy the book.

PERSONAL

Bluestocking said...
What, in particular, are you looking for in your historical romance submissions? Is there a particular time period or periods you especially enjoy?

I love Victorian romance novels. Not as much of a fan of anything too outside of those years. My favorite historical authors are Julia Quinn (earlier stuff), Lisa Kleypas, Johanna Lindsey, and Jude Deveraux.

Julie Hedlund said...
What are your favorite books right now in the young adult, middle grade and picture book genres? Just in general, not necessarily your own clients'

I like that you asked “right now,” because my favorites change the more I read! However, with that in mind, I think my classic favorites are really what continue to inspire my tastes, not anything recent.

Brief sample of all-time favorites/reading history:

YA/MG: ELLA ENCHANTED, CALLING ON DRAGONS, THE CHINA GARDEN, LIRAEL, Joan Lowery Nixon’s mysteries, Tamora Pierce’s books (all!), Caroline B. Cooney books, THE MEDIATOR series, I WAS A TEENAGE FAIRY, BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE, THE LAST VAMPIRE/Christopher Pike novels, MIRA, The Royal Diaries series

PB: OH THE PLACES YOU’LL GO, THE PAPER-BAG PRINCESS, STELLALUNA, WHERE’S WALDO, THE THINGAMAGIGS

And I am SO going to think of a bazillion more I would want on this list…!

Marsha Sigman said...
What would you like to see in your slushpile right now?

Nothing. No really; I’m so swamped, if I had nothing in it it would mean I was caught up!
I’ll be honest: I had about 300 submissions to wade through when I left the office on Tuesday. The only thing that would catch my attention right now would be what any agent would want to see: something original and mind-blowing.

Ask me again when I’m less swamped, and I’ll be more optimistic. :)

Michelle Merrill said...
At writeoncon you mentioned that you like princess stories. What is your favorite thing about them?

They’re girly and underappreciated. I like princesses that kick butt, either by personality or literally. Many people think air-head when they think princess; I think rich spunky bitch who can care about her wardrobe and still save the day, and that appeals to me.

Candyland said...
If you like something about the story (voice, characters, etc), will you request a revise and re-submit or just pass? Also how long will you wait on said revision before moving on?

If I like the voice, but the plot just isn’t standing out to me, I may ask to see the next work. If I like the plot but not the voice, I’ll pass. The only time I ever ask for an R&R is if I think the story has BOTH, and they just need to be polished (maybe just some plot holes/twists that needs to be addressed). Then it’s a matter of whether or not the writer is capable of polishing!

As mentioned, I don’t have a time frame for revisions. If I liked it, I won’t ever move on; BUT, I may not be as jazzed about it in six months, say, as I would be a month later.

Makenna Landes said…
I was just wondering what your favorite fairy tale is.

Beauty and the Beast.

:) said…
How do you feel about made-up words like reperspectivisms?  

Awesome in conversation, not so much in stories – unless they serve a purpose.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Beth said...
Do you ever get the impression that some writers look at publication a little like winning the lottery, in that they think it's not as much about skill and craft, but more about the luck of the draw?

Yes, and I agree to an extent, because of issues like timing (agent/editor already has a similar project, too many on the market, they’re in a transition, etc) and connections (who you know who will get your work into the hands of an agent or editor). Conferences help with connections, but timing is unpredictable.

Honestly, every author has the same chance as any other when it comes right down to it (once a manuscript is in an editor’s hands). Either the stars and planets are all in alignment with timing and the writing and voice are there, or they aren’t.

Bottom line: for most people, perseverance pays off. Don’t get discouraged if you aren’t an exception or zipping down the easy road.

Open Forum

2010-11-22T21:48:00.000-08:00

For the life of me, I can't seem to think up a new blog post.

So I'll let YOU do it.

Post your questions below and I'll either make a blog post of it, or I'll answer it flat out in the comments section. Win win!

Oh, right...but only the first...20 posts! Go!

An Agent's Take on Some Common Writers' Frustrations

2010-11-07T07:59:00.000-08:00

There are an incredible number of resources for writers. Googling alone will show that. Regardless, there are a few concerns I’ve seen popping up over and over again:

The Synopsis
The Book Genre
Rejection
Self-Publishing
Book or Manuscript?

Some of my favorite resources to start with:

-Jeff Herman’s Guide to Book Editors, Publishers, and Literary Agents
-The Elements of Style by Strunk and White
- www.Absolutewrite.com

In terms of the synopsis, it should never be over two pages long, single spaced. The biggest reason agents request this is to see where the plot is going. It’s not considered a sample of your writing; it’s considered a sample of your plotting ability. Can you describe your plot in two pages? Will the book hold together? In other words, don’t stress so much about how it’s written; worry about whether or not it shows the true nature of your book (and includes the ending!). When I turn to a synopsis, it means that I liked the sample of writing (my personal preference is to see if the book hooks me first, and then turn to the synopsis), and I want to make sure the plot isn’t going to suddenly go from chick lit to time-traveling alternate-history paranormal suspense; I want to see what I’d be getting into if I requested more. That’s it.

And regardless of what an author may think, I’m not going to throw away a submission if it’s been called a paranormal suspense and it’s really a romantic paranormal suspense. My job, as an agent, is to know which editor to send this to; an author’s job is to know which agent to send it to. If you can get the basic elements of your novel into a sentence (i.e., it’s an historical novel with supernatural mystery elements), that’s all you should need to find an agent to submit to (look for someone who works with supernatural, or mystery, and, if historical, if they have anything remotely similar to what your book is about on their list). And in fact, many agents blend genres; they don’t have to pigeon-hole themselves in quite the same way that editors do.

There are many sites that give a basic breakdown of genre; here are some of the more confusing ones:

-Commercial – it’s written to appeal to as broad an audience as possible

-Literary – Character-driven. The plot is secondary to the development of the characters; it is more about how it is written, the art of writing, than plot

-Mainstream – genre or literary fiction that sells well. (Like Stephen King – he’s technically genre, but sells to readers outside of that genre as well; his books have the ability to attract readers who wouldn’t normally read horror)

-Genre Fiction – more emphasis on plot than on fine writing and character development, appeals to fans of the genre but not to a wider audience (romance, thriller, etc)

-Upmarket – a combination of commercial and literary; can appeal to both audiences

-Mass-Market – the smallest paperback, what genre fiction is usually published in (romances, mysteries, thrillers)

-Trade Paper – the 15.00 paperback

And of course, if all else fails, you can always search on Amazon for a book you think is similar to yours, and see how they classify it.

Even if you do get your manuscript into the hands of the perfect agent, it’s not a guarantee of representation. Agents have to have passion and enthusiasm for a project in order to sell it. Rejection IS NOT PERSONAL; it’s business. I’ve rejected many manuscripts I thought were wonderful, but just didn’t “click” with me. It’s so incredibly subjective; the best advice is to take what you can from a rejection, and move on. Always think of the WHY, not the WHAT. Meaning, don’t focus on the rejection; focus on WHY it was rejected. Did you query the wrong agent? Do you need to work more on characterization? There’s always a reason someone reacts the way they do; try and focus on that reason instead of the reaction. It’ll help to gain constructive feedback from even the word “no.”

In the end, it may just be that self-publishing is a route for you. Here’s how you know: if your book is so regional or so niche that it won’t appeal to a wider audience. Or: you’ve written a non-fiction book and will use the self-published version to build a platform of 1,000 books a month for 12 months, proving there’s an audience for your book.

For fiction, self-publishing is usually not the best option; in most cases, it will serve as a handicap. Because even if you sell 5,000 copies of that fiction novel out of the back of your car…those are dismal numbers to any book buyer. Once you self-pub, you get an ISBN; publishers and book buyers WILL use that ISBN to look up sales numbers. And since self-published books are never sold in chains, where most of the numbers come from (BookScan)…it’s going to look even more dismal. Publishers will pay money for a book equal to the amount of copies they can expect book sellers to buy. If book sellers are seeing no demand for a book…they won’t buy. Period. But if you just want a few copies to share with loved ones, by all means, self-pub away.

A book is a book is a book. Yes, technically, it’s still a manuscript until it’s published; but in my opinion, if you write a book, it’s a book; a publishing contract only means someone wants to pay money to promote it widely, because they think they’ll make money on it. So don’t try and sell yourself short; even Webster’s says: “a written OR printed work of fiction or nonfiction.”

Template for a Good Query

2010-11-07T07:57:00.000-08:00

I most definitely do NOT want a bunch of cookie-cutter query letters, but the below template should help you out if you're trying to figure out just what to say, what to add, and what not to do!

[your full contact info]

[agency’s full contact info]

[Dear Mr./Ms. Agent’s Last Name]

[The FIRST line should indicate if this is a referral or if you’ve met the agent at a conference etc.]

[The first PARAGRAPH should show you’ve done your homework. Why this agency? Why this agent? This could be as simple as mentioning that your book is a Romantic Suspense and you read on their website that the agent is interested in this genre.]

[1-2 paragraphs about your book, including word length. Write as if you’re writing the blurb for the back of the book – a quick, catchy paragraph or two to make you pick it up. The synopsis will tell the rest]

[Thank the agent for his/her time and consideration.]

[The LAST line should also show you’ve done your homework – on submission requirements. EVERY agency is different in what they want. Look it up, put it in the letter, and send it that way]

[Your name, and email]

Quick Grammar Review

2010-11-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

I had a lovely mini crash course on grammar on Twitter a while back and, as I certainly think it's important, thought I'd post the transcript up for future perusal!

(print this and tape it to your computer!)

QUICK CHEAT SHEET:
Lie/lay/lain=to recline
Lay/laid/laid=to put down
Who=a person, that=a thing
Who=he/she
whom=him, her
It’s=it is, its=possessive
You’re=you are, your=possessive
Lose=not win, loose=not tight
(person) and I=we, (person) and me=us

Ah hem. So, today's mission: sort through some of the trickiest little grammar mistakes even pros make. Hashtag will be: #crashgram. And no, I'm not an expert, though I have been known to do a few of these on occasion: http://tweetphoto.com/24050191
So let’s begin!

• When a character speaks: "Hey, how are you?" <-- quotes surround all

• When narrator butts in: "Hey, how are you?" she said. <-- quotes only around spoken words

• Examples of the 's: Charles Dickens's, The Club's, the boys' <- When it's a singular person, even if it ends in an s, add an 's. If it’s plural, just add an ‘

• lie/lay/lain = to recline. lay/laid/laid=to put down. (present/past/past participle)

• who=he/she, whom=him/her. Replace the "who" with the pronoun to figure out which one to use i.e.: Who do you think did it? --> He did it.

• its = possesive, it's = it is

• your = possesive. you're = you are. .There = place, they're = they are

• When writing in the past, use the past participle to denote something that has already happened. i.e.: I went to the mall and then realized I'd already been yesterday. -->past participle = has had, had had, etc

• Nick and I = we, Nick and me = us --> try using we or us in the sentence to figure out which to use i.e.: We're going to the store (Nick and I); it was closed so we left (Nick and I), Steph went to the store with us (me and Nick)

• Correct way to use a dash: he went to the store -- not the one on sixth -- and I went with him. (word space dash dash space word)

• semicolon: it's a continuation, not a side thought (like the dash), and must be followed by a complete sentence.

• Commas: Way too many rules to tweet, so: http://bit.ly/69V0C

• Capitalize Uncle/Mom etc when you use it in place of a name, but NOT if in the possessive, as in my uncle said, my mom said, Uncle Bob said, Mom said OR I saw Oxford Top at the store today, ew. <-- this is correct, if Oxford Top doesn't have a name

• There is no space between a word and any punctuation, so: the end! and not the end !

• ... (three)= you can continue the sentence ; .... (four)= you finished the sentence & will start a new one (put space after it)

• When using a dialogue tag, use a comma, not a period, at the end of the quote: "I love you," she said. <--don't cap. the "she"

• When breaking your character's speech into several paragraphs: "Quote. (new para) "Quote."
--> no " on end until IT ends

• Don't cap a continuing quote: "Hey there," he said, "want to go to the mall?" Cap new: "Hi," he said. "Want to go to the mall?"

• W/commas, a lot of the time, it comes down to style. There are certain places that reqire it grammatically, but a lot are optional

for ex: with commas, a lot of the time it comes down to style. ;)

And last but not least: epically cool grammar site: http://bit.ly/8MhwXT

Happy writing!!
Natalie M. Fischer

Inspirations

2010-11-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

As you probably surmised from my query letters, I got a lot of rejections. In fact, I think I'd racked in close to 200 by the time I stopped submitting. But I kept going.

Why? How? Why in the WORLD did I keep paying $.24 (I think it was up to $.33 by the time I stopped) for MORE PAIN?

Because of the stories that inspired me to keep going. To never give up.

The first one I tacked to my wall was a flyer my mom brought home, which was actually supposed to be some sort of advertisement to go to church. It told the story of Theodore Geisel, the poor children's writer who sent his manuscript, THE HOUSE ON MULBERRY STREET, to 24 publishers, and was rejected by each and every one. He was on his way home to burn his manuscript and give up writing for good when he ran into an old friend of his, who had become an editor at a publishing house. A name change later and THE CAT IN THE HAT was born.

God works in mysterious ways, the flyer told me.

Yeah, and so does publishing.

My second inspiration came from a rejection letter, via email from the Intellectual Property Management Group:

Putting Rejection into Perspective

If your manuscript gets rejected, consider the company
you are in when you get rejected by an agent or
publisher who lacks the foresight to see just how
great your work may be. The following list is compiled
from Michael Larsen's book, "Literary Agents."

The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck was returned fourteen
times, but it went on to win a Pulitzer Prize.

Norman Mailer's The Naked and the Dead was rejected
twelve times.

Patrick Dennis said of his autobiographical novel
Auntie Mame, "It circulated for five years through the
halls of fifteen publishers and finally ended up with
Vanguard Press, which, as you can see, is rather deep
into the alphabet." This illustrates why using the
alphabet may be a logical but ineffective way to find
the best agent or editor.

Twenty publishers felt that Richard Bach's Jonathan
Livingston Seagull was for the birds.

The first title of Catch-22 was Catch-18, but Simon
and Schuster planned to publish it during the same
season that Doubleday was bringing out Mila 18 by Leon
Uris. When Doubleday complained, Joseph Heller changed
the title. Why 22? Because Simon and Schuster was the
22nd publisher to read it. Catch-22 has become part of
the language and has sold more than 10 million copies.

Mary Higgins Clark was rejected forty times before
selling her first story. One editor wrote: "Your story
is light, slight, and trite." More than 30 million
copies of her books are now in print.

Before he wrote Roots, Alex Haley had received 200
rejections.

Robert Persig's classic, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle
Maintenance, couldn't get started at 121 houses.

John Grisham's first novel, A Time to Kill, was
declined by fifteen publishers and some thirty agents.
His novels have more than 60 million copies in print.

Thirty-three publishers couldn't digest Chicken Soup
for the Soul, compiled by Jack Canfield and Mark
Victor Hansen, before it became a huge best-seller and
spawned a series.

The Baltimore Sun hailed Naked in Deccan as "a
classic" after it had been rejected over seven years
by 375 publishers.

Dr. Seuss's first book was rejected twenty-four times.
The sales of his children's books have soared to 100
million.

Louis L'Amour received 200 rejections before he sold
his first novel. During the last forty years, Bantam
has shipped nearly 200 million of his 112 books,
making him their biggest selling author.

If you visit the House of Happy Walls, Jack London's
beautiful estate in Sonoma County, north San
Francisco, you will see some of the 600 rejection
slips that London received before selling his first
story. If you want to know how much easier it is to
make it as a writer now than it was in London's time,
read his wonderful autobiographical novel, Martin
Eden. Your sufferings will pale compared to what poor
Martin endured.

British writer John Creasy received 774 rejections
before selling his first story. He went on to write
564 books, using fourteen names.

Eight years after his novel Steps won the National
Book Award, Jerzy Kosinski permitted a writer to
change his name and the title and send a manuscript of
the novel to thirteen agents and fourteen publishers
to test the plight of new writers. They all rejected
it, including Random House, which had published it.

Every no gets you closer to yes ...

Uh, BEST REJECTION EVER.

These were the little things that kept me sane, that kept me hoping even after 200 tries. As an agent, they STILL keep me going, STILL keep me sane.

We ALL know those OTHER stories, the ones where some mom in the middle of nowhere dreams up a bestseller, writes it in a month and sells it for six figures after practically NO rejection. The ones that every author seems to think are the norm.

But I want to take a moment to celebrate the TRUE inspirations; the Mandy Hubbards and Stephen Kings of the world, the ones who show that hard work and perseverance really do pay off.

So tell me - what is your story? Your inspiration?

(psst...need more? You can read a whole other version of this here!)

What You Need to Consider BEFORE you SELF-Publish

2010-10-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

I was going to write up a big, fancy post on this topic, and then I found this site, which pretty much said everything I wanted to.

Ok I lied. I wrote up a big, fancy post anyway. ;)

You'll notice a LOT of references here -- and that's because there are a LOT of different things to consider about self-publishing. No one agent is going to be right about it (meaning, disclaimer: I do NOT claim to have the answer to or know everything about it!). Generally, it's a case-by-case basis whether or not someone should self-publish, and whether or not a self-published book can be picked up by an agent or bigger house.

But, some things to think about:

Why Agents are Cautious of Representing Them
Because it is a tough sell. A self-published author can no longer be listed as a debut author, which means that a publisher is going to have to base the advance they can offer (if any) on the author’s sales history. A publisher offers an advance based on a projection of how many copies they can expect to sell – and if the self-published book sold only 500 copies…

Why Publishers are Cautious of Acquiring Them
It’s all about numbers. The number of copies the self-published book sold, and the number of copies bookstores can expect to sell. Guess what? The latter is based on the former. What this means is that if your book sold 500 copies, bookstores aren’t going to expect large sales. Which means they won’t want to stock the book. Which means the publisher won’t make sales. Which means they won’t recoup their advance, or even enough to pay overhead for the aquiring editor’s time spent on that book.

So what if you self-publish and sell 10,000 copies? Awesome. Just keep the statistics in mind.

Why Reviewers are Cautious of Reviewing Them
There’s no indication of quality with a self-published book. A book that has gone through the traditional publishing route has made it’s way past an agent, an editor, an ed board, and a copyeditor (in the simplest example) before it reaches the reviewer’s hands. A self-published book never made it past an agent. With so many books to choose from…yeah, they’re going to review the ones they can expect will at least be free of typos.

Why Publicists are Cautious of Publicizing Them
It’s hard enough to publicize fiction from a traditional publisher. Fiction is so subjective; imagine saying to someone: read this. Why? Because I like it. Just trust me. If that book is self-published, that trust level goes way down, again, because you have no idea of the quality. A publicist is hired to promote a book – so just hearing “it’s good” from one isn’t enough to make reviewers or buyers trust that it is.

However, this IS different for non-fiction. Read more here.

Lastly, READ THIS POST by Nathan Bransford.

Finally, please keep in mind: if you self-publish, YOU ARE THE PUBLISHER. Period.

I think it’s incredibly arrogant to self-publish your book and then expect someone else to pick it up and do all the work for you. Simon and Schuster doesn’t acquire a book, design a pretty cover, send it to a few buddies, and then submit it to Random House to get sales. If you don’t think you can get the distribution and sales you want from self-publishing…it’s probably not the best option for you.

At last!

2010-10-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

After scoffing, resisting, hesitating, and finally, giving in....

(yes, I made my own lolcat to celebrate).

(yes, that was the exact process I went through for Twitter, too).

Now, I can read submissions on my LUNCH break! Wait...uh oh. ;)

Exclusive Requests

2010-10-15T01:41:00.001-07:00

I recently made a post on a forum at absolutewrite.com which I wanted to share and expand on.

There were quite a few heated opinions being tossed around, but what really raised my hackles was that EVERYONE seemed to think that an exclusive request=good/bad agent.

This is just not true. It is impossible to decide if an agent is reputable or not based on whether or not they ask for exclusive requests.

When I first started agenting, I asked for exclusives. Part of the reason I did this was because my reading period was incredibly fast, and so an exclusive wasn't something that meant "I have months to finally get to this!" to me. It was rather a sigh of relief because I knew that a project I was excited about wouldn't be snatched up before I had a chance to consider it!

However, the biggest reason I asked for exclusives was: I was trained to ask for them.

My boss loves exclusives. She is so incredibly busy that when she is excited by a manuscript, she wants to KNOW that the time she spends with it was worth it, especially because the time she spends with it is fairly in-depth. She types up notes and gets second (and third) reads on manuscripts to consider every angle. Her time isn't more valuable than the author's (as is a common perception of the exclusive request), just valuable, period. (And I think notes from Sandra Dijkstra are worth an exclusive!)

My style has evolved since then, however, and at this point, I don't ever ask for exclusives anymore. I'll be honest: I like the competition. I want to know an author is signing with me because they really connect with me, not because there were no other options. I've also only gotten busier and busier, so even manuscripts I'm excited about don't get read right away, and I hate to keep someone tied up because of that.

But is it possible to label either of us GOOD or BAD based on our preferences? No.

Don't worry about the agent quality when confronted with an exclusive request; you should have already done your research on them before submitting.

Worry instead about whether or not you'd feel comfortable granting it (if they're your dream agent, why the heck not, right?!) or whether or not you are ABLE to grant it (if you have other fulls out, say so; they're already excited, so you'll either hear back, "that's ok, send and notify me immediately if you get any other offers" or "thanks for letting me know; please send to me when available for an exclusive").

And then just get up and do a little happy dance because someone is excited about your work!

E-book killed the bookstore star?

2010-10-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

There are plenty of articles to read on this subject (read a great summary of the e-book situation here, and about e-books and kidlit here).

However, despite the myriad of opinions and resources available, the subject still comes up in every single panel and conference I've attended. And the biggest reason for this is: no one REALLY knows what’s going to happen.

Oh sure, there are plenty of very true facts, both pro and con, to add weight to the speculation.

For example:

The epic novel might make a comeback due to cost of productivity going down. Smaller presses are blossoming. Unknown authors have a chance to build audience. The invention of the mass market was supposed to end the hardcover (or video killed the radio star, whichever you prefer), and it didn’t – different genres simply boomed. Kindles really suck for research – you can’t underline and highlight. Backlist or out of print titles are now brought back to life. People become more impulsive when it comes to buying books when available at the tip of their fingers – and at the same time, physical book sales are down, which means advances are down, and authors are making less money – but maybe that’s just the economy?

It is undeniable that the book industry is changing. Personally, I don’t see that as a bad thing. I like the fact that a smaller press will take a chance on a novel in e-book or trade paper that a Big Six won’t publish in hardcover, and, from our agency’s best-selling authors, I haven’t seen royalties decrease in the slightest due to e-books: they’ve only gone up.

But really, my personal take from my personal experience is: this is exciting – and depressing, all at the same time.

What really struck home for me this weekend was this:

I found it in a "free books" pile at my local library. I thought it was funny. I picked it up, but, instead of putting it back down, I took it home because of this page (which changes all the "he" pronouns to "she"):

I ADORE used books. The smell of them, the feel of them, the footprints left behind. I love to follow along and try and imagine the stories that go with the scribblings. And you can’t do that with a Kindle.

Libraries are closing; so are bookstores. I would be devastated by the loss of physical books. But maybe I’m just in the cassette generation of publishing; maybe it’s just time to move on. After all, there are clear advantages!

But…but…

And so it goes on.

The Pitch Session

2010-10-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

After two conferences in a row, there are a few things I want to share from an agent’s perspective on this rite of passage.

I’ve met a few agents who are “tough love” types when you meet them (which I secretly wish I could be), but the majority of us really try our best to be encouraging and as helpful as possible no matter the outcome of the pitch.

However, the first thing to keep in mind is that despite the fact that you only get 10-15 minutes to try and sell us your story, WE are sitting in that room for hours at a time. Sometimes (hopefully) breaks are thrown in throughout the day, but generally, we are dealing with back to back to back face time all day long. Take the last conference I attended. It started at 8:30 in the morning and I met with someone every ten minutes until noon, and then every ten minutes from 1pm to 2pm.

Needless to say, despite how encouraging and helpful we try to be, sometimes, our patience snaps mighty thin.

So without further ado: what is pissing me off after the past two conferences (the true title of this post)

Lying to Agents

One of my fellow agents approached me last weekend and said, “You know, I had a funny thing happen the other day.”

Ok…

“I got a submission from a man who then called me and explained that he’d been represented by you three years ago, and had left because you didn’t do anything with his book.”

WTF?!

She tilted her head sideways. “But the funny thing was, I’d seen your bio recently, since you were coming to this conference, and I said to him, ‘are you sure it was Natalie Fischer at Dijkstra? Because she’s only been agenting for a year.’ He assured me it was.”

Again. WTF?!

(As a side note, no sh**t nothing happened with your book if you thought I was representing you three years ago dude…)

I’ve said this many times. Most people just don’t get it: our community is smaller than you think. You lie to us, and guess what – we’ll know.

The most common things people lie about are:

-Worked with so and so agent
-They are sending a “requested” submission
-They have an offer from another agent
-Have x amount of fulls out with other agents
-met/spoke with me at so and so event (read here for THAT terrible story…)

It really sucks that people go and ruin the exciting truths for others, but honestly, when we see any of these things in your letter, red flags go up – especially if you’re cagey about who the agents you worked with or made the offer are. And yes – we will speak to each other to verify the truth.

Teens Writing for Teens

This subject holds a very special place in my heart. I absolutely adore teen writers – I was one myself – and I encourage and will give feedback as much as possible to them.

This weekend, I had a pitch session with a twelve year old girl. I was amazed. She told me she’d written a YA about 18 year-olds – and at that point, I was still on board to be blown away.

Then she told me it was 20,000 words long.

As gently as I could, I said to her, “You know, I think it’s just a little too short. Most YA novels are at least 50,000 words long (yeah, I shortened it for her – no need to give her a heart attack). But I’ll tell you what – why don’t you send it to me. I’d love to read it and give you some feedback on where it might be expanded.” I gave her my card, spoke with her some more on whether or not it might really be MG (b/c then it could be only 30,000 words), recommended some writing sites, and again, told her how amazing she was for being there.

Apparently, after the door shut from her session, she was hysterical. She was a sobbing mess – because I’d told her that her story was too short. Mama bear was livid; she wanted to march in and kick my ass.

I was heartbroken. I couldn’t have been more supportive. And yet, she’s twelve; of course she’s going to cry! Grown adults cry at feedback like that! And my mom would have wanted to tear the head off anyone who made me sob too.

No one’s actions, in my mind, were unjustified here; but the truth is: I would have either said it to her then, or in a rejection letter. So parents, please please please take your child’s emotional maturity into consideration before tossing them to the wolves. That girl should not have been in that pitch session – alone, no less! Yes, it is ok to be supportive, but this is a business; as much as we want to help cultivate talent, that’s not our job.

The Pushy Pitch

I consider it pushy when an author has a query or synopsis with them, sits down, pushes it forward, and says, “Here. Read this.”

Oh no no no. Honestly, I can’t focus on your written words; I’ve been bombarded with pitches all day – I have no idea what I’m reading! This is not in your favor, and definitely not a good use of the time.

I also really don’t like getting business cards from authors. I have your contact information in your submission (hopefully); pushing a card to me seems pre-mature (and annoying; I get so many, and they end up flying out everywhere, and I have to try and make sure they don’t get lost or separated from the submission, etc.).

Don’t try and shove your writing on me. It just pisses me off.

The Bitter Pitch

Generally these are made by people who have been pitching their manuscript for quite a while without favorable responses. I could also call this “the complaining pitch.”

My “favorite” was a person who made absolutely sure that I didn’t represent said person’s genre before proceeding to explain how another agent had had said person’s manuscript for over a year, and finally gotten back with a rather rude letter – and could I just comment on that situation?

?!?

I’m not going to bad-mouth my colleagues with you. And I’m not going to take kindly to you when you sit there and explain to me how stupid the pitch process is, and how really, publishers say you can’t get published without an agent, but agents don’t want to speak with you unless you’ve been published, so wtf?

Deep breath. Calm. Down. Drink some wine. Bash the world in your notebook. Then you can talk to me.

The Entitled Pitch

So far, I’ve seen this most often with romance and picture book authors, but only because these are two of the only genres left it is possible to be published without an agent in.

I once had a woman sit across from me and ask me to pitch myself to her – because she was agent shopping. I’ve also had authors inform me that they’ve been published so and so many times, and do I want to work with them or not?

Well…send me a sample, I’ll say. I really still need to see if I connect with your voice.

Blank, affronted looks will follow.

Sorry folks, but there aren’t any shortcuts here. Even a published author has to query like everybody else. They’ll get more attention, sure; the process may be faster, and far easier – but it’s still the same process.

I will absolutely never sign someone who thinks they are doing me a “favor” by doing so; I want to sign clients who are with me because they appreciate what I do and can do for them – and vice versa. Even published authors need agents to help build careers; we know how to move you from a small press to a big publisher, how to move you from a publisher with no marketing to a publisher who is going to back you with 1 million dollars in marketing support. So please, don’t act like you don’t need us; if that’s really what you think, don’t speak with me!

Lessons from all of this?
Avoid the above and you’ll be golden!

The Best Pitch

My absolute favorite pitch sessions happen when an author is prepared with questions. I love to chat. I can read any day; anyone can submit to me for free, any time. This is your chance to actually talk to me. Sure, I like to hear your pitch, but I remember the conversation a heck of a lot more if we had something to talk about! There seem to be plenty of things people ask on #askagent; why not in pitch sessions?

Above all, don’t worry about being nervous. It is VERY rare that someone sits down in front of me who is NOT shaking. Or talking so fast they barely breathe. Or mispronouncing words they’re so nervous.

Don’t worry about it. Just be yourself; ask me some questions, mention if you know something about me (I LOVE when people mention my blog or twitter), share your hook, smile…and breathe. No matter what happens, use what I say as constructively as possible…and move on.

The Tripod of Publishing: Establishing Priorities

2010-09-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

Before I went to college, I was told there were three things I could have: sleep, a social life, and grades. Pick two.

In publishing, there are also three things: best home, best advance, best editor. Pick one.

As an agent, my goal is to get you all three. But usually, there are trade-offs.

For a nonfiction author, a small advance can be devastating if it’s not enough to cover the cost of writing the book. Having the wrong home can hinder support from the publishing house when it comes to marketing and PR. And having the wrong editor can deadpan the project in the water when neither can agree on edits or a direction for the book.

As an author, it’s important to establish your priorities before you sign with an agent, because each agent is going to have a different view on which of the three trumps the others.

Personally, I believe in finding the perfect editor for the project – within the right house. Advance is bottom on my list (which doesn’t mean I won’t fight tooth and nail to get what I can!). Because I work primarily with debut authors, getting them established is priority – and to get them established, they will need the devotion of their editor, and the right house, to push their book.

A small advance isn’t going to hurt your career. You’ll just see royalties faster. If the advance is small, ask what they’ll do for marketing, because low sales will hurt your career (or at least make it difficult to sell your next project).

But don’t get me started on the low numbers debate – with the expanding success many small (and big) presses have with e-book sales, I believe in royalty statements, but most publishers use BookScan and…well, check out this and this to read more on that!

More established agents who rely primarily on commission may see advance as top priority. And they can afford to do this, because they work with established clients. For these clients, they have a built-in platform or fan base to work from, and do not need as much PR to sell the same amount of books as a debut author – and so the advance trumps all other concerns.

As for the right house? Well, two reasons this is important: two, they’ll have a history marketing this type of book, which means they can do it well, and first, they’ll still want to publish it even if your editor leaves (and hopefully there will be someone else there who will actually be happy to take over the project).

In the end, it comes down to what you’re comfortable with. Never publish quickly – publish well. But publishing well doesn’t mean having all three factors.

WINNERS of the Horrendously Hilarious Query Contest!

2010-09-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

Truth be told, judging of this contest felt a lot like playing Apples to Apples -- you know, like when the word is "classic" and someone throws in "banana hammock." ALL of these entries were worthy of winning, but those "banana hammocks" hit up my funny bone in just the right way!

So, without further ado, I give you: the WINNERS!!

Please contact natalie@dijkstraagency.com to claim your prize (requested items should be included).

First Place: Anne

Dear Lady Agent with nice hair,  

Do you believe in magic? Well I hope you do. In my debut-yet-sure-to-be-bestselling fiction novel, I deal with the very real issues of magic. MAGIC MARKER is a story of not one but twelve classic colors forced to share one yellow box. They were picked to live in this space and see what happens when things stop being semi-permanent and start getting real. The issues in this book are ones that adults can relate to on a daily basis. Like what to do when that last marker just doesn’t fit because the second one in the box decided to stack itself vertically instead of linearly. Or the seven stages of grieving when one looses their cap and begins the slow and painful process of drying out. My debut-yet-sure-to-be-bestselling fiction novel is going to be the next Harry Potter, for adults. I know you must be drooling all over your face at the chance to rep such a mind bending literary instant classic. (like classic colors…GET IT?!?) So why wait? Call now. I will have representatives waiting to take your call 24 hours a day.

  I have been a daycare worker for one year and I feel my extensive knowledge of coloring utensils makes me the prime candidate to write this thirteen book series. Why thirteen you ask? I’m not sure yet because I have only written my acknowledgments at this point. BUT I will be sure to let you know when that time comes. MAGIC MARKER is incomplete at approx -300,000 words in the genre of romantic suspense space opera with a mysterious twist. Thank for being my future agent. I will be mailing my submissions to your home address asap--Possibly daily. 

Your best friend forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, 

Anna Banana. (Pen name)

Second Place: Brigid Gorry-Hines

Hi there Natalie Fisher!

  I know you don't represent sci-fi but I think you'll make an exception for MY PAL SCRUFFY: AN INSPIRATIONAL STORY OF A GIRL AND HER DOG. It's the first book in an 6-book series. Books 1-5 are ready and I'll be done with number 6 in a few weeks. The first book is about 200,000 words long and it's written entirely in verse!  

The two awesome main characters are Stella and her friendly talking dog, Scruffy. One day, while Stella is in the bathroom, Scruffy gets kidnapped by aliens. Because of this, Stella must make an epic journey across the desert––battling giant beavers, flying elephants, and invisible ninjas along the way. She also meets the mysterious but undeniably sexy zombie Fredward, and they fall in love at first sight. Unfortunately, Fredward is attracted to Stella's brain because it smells extra delicious. This problem is solved because Fredward catches on fire when he steps into the sunlight. Anyway, the question is, can Stella find Scruffy before it's too late?!?! Well I'll tell ya now … She does! And they live happily ever after, only it turns out that Scruffy is really Stella's brother in disguise. And he's a robot.  

My goal is for this book to be read everywhere in the universe––not only a bestseller in the US but translated into languages I didn't even know existed. When a movie comes out I hope to play the part of Stella. I'm also an actress!  

So, I only have the first draft write now but I can edit it if you find any mistakes in it. (I've attached the entire thing in a Word document!)   My mom says it's the best book she's ever read. And she's a real picky reader too. So you'll love it! And if you don't, I'll eat my hat! I don't even own a hat, but if you don't like it I'll buy a hat. And eat it. LOL.  

I can't wait to work with you! Your awesome! And did I mention you're really pretty too? :)  

Love, Brigid <3 <3 <3

Third Place: Meagan Spooner

Dear Mr. Ficher,   

Hello Dear! Have you ever wondered what it would be like to try and concentrate on high school, first boyfriends, drugs, and rock and roll while your arms and legs are falling off? I would like to seek a publishing for my 182,426 word young adult fiction Novel titled "LOVE IN THE TIME OF DECOMPOSITION." I believe that it will appeal to a huge audience, including the special young fans of Harry Potter and Twilight, but also real people who read other books that have done well, like The DaVinci Code and that one with the tattoo of a dragon. I AM ONLY INTERSTED IN AN AGENT WHO WILL GET ME A BIG ADVANCE AND A MAJOR MOVIE DEAL, because these days no one reads books until they get reprinted with the movie-version covers.  

Meet Swann, a very special sixteen year-old girl who's fragile beauty touches the Hearts of everyone who meets her. But she has no idea, she just wants to get through high school so she can leave her small town because she knows she was meant for Greatness. Little does she know, but her whole school is infested with zombies! But the thing is, zombies are people too. And no, they don't have their faces rotting off or anything, they're still sexy and everything. Well, they look a bit grey under fluorescent lights, but who doesn't? When Swann starts to fall hopelessly, eternally, epically in love with Raven, the ringleader of the Zombies, she must make the ultimate choice--life, or undeath? It all comes down to one thing: will foundation make her look less gray when she's in the Cafeteria?

  I went to high school so I know exactly what Swann is going through, and I have the experience to back up my writing. I also knew from a young age that I was destined for great things, and to be so special in a mundane world is a burden no girl should have to bear alone. Like me. Like Swann. It is my delicate hope that all girls who read this will be able to tell if they are one of the special ones, or if they really are just meant for crappy day jobs like everyone else.  I already have numerous offers from other agents but I won’t share their names, only say that they are really excited about this book. You have seven days to respond to this amazing opportunity before I will move on to an agent who actually checks his mail. The novel is nearly complete, with a full outline and the whole first chapter written. It only waits for your guidance and beautiful touch to finish and polish to a shine. DON'T MISS OUT!   Please find enclosed my hand-printed chapter. I hope you like fuschia it is my favorite too.

   Kisses! 
Megsie.   

PS: I hope it's okay to hand-deliver it to your home address. I just really don't trust the post office. I love your mailbox!

Check out these hilarious highlights:

Sally Potter, HP's lost sister vs V'mrt's son – Lily Kaufman

You are fortunate enough to be in the beging of the alphabet – Julie Lindsay

Ms. Fairy Freak’s 12,000 word picture book about Harry Porker

Gnomes have been victimized for centuries…. [Fairies] changed my color to pink Comic Sans. –Magolla

My name is LUCAS GEORGE. I have capitalized it to make it easier for you to remember, as I will do for all the important parts of this letter….I have done this as a service to you. – Ray

I saw that you represent children’s books and since my main character has a child, I figured you would be the perfect agent for my manuscript. – thegreatpbjbattle

Jenn’s tragic love story about Aaron the playboy slug and Gwyn the sea urchin.

:) ‘s story OF THE CONTEST!

(Please note: If this email came directly to your inbox, you are in my top twenty agents. If you were CCed, you are in my top 100 agents. If you were BCCed, I only want you to see the amazing best seller you will miss out on for being such a peon.)… There was one time that I left my window open and when I came home my computer hadn’t gone to sleep. I KNOW THAT WAS WHEN THE WHORE STOLE MY BOOK – Lorelie Long

I really hope you buy my book soon, because I have a sweet bulldog who’s face is getting two saggy and I need to have a facelift done on her. – Jocelyn Rish

This book will appeal to people, including men and women, - Amy W

I picked you because I think you are a real agent, maybe…. I own a pet rock, have 11 cats and the furniture in my house loves my writing. - Dawn Embers

M:WTDWYCBWUAOMB(LS) – Brooke

I do not believe in computers and will not start emailing just for your benefit. – Gabriela Lessa

There is also a cute boy named Jackson (I couldn't think of a combination of Edward and Jacob that didn't sound weird, but I could manage it given time) that is a werelieger – Tangynt

HELP, MY SOCK PUPPET STOLE MY IDENTITY (based on a true story) – Aislinn

EAT, PRAY, VAMPIRES, FAIRIES – Katherine C

Please request pages and you too can be stung by the purple fuzzy bumblebee of happiness. – Philangelus

When I was 15 my right hand was cut off in an accident with a combine harvester, so writing and drawing has always been a challenge for me. Also, there is something spilled on pages 148-196. It looks like blood, but I promise you it’s not. – Kate Larkindale

P.S. DON'T BOTHER SHOWING THIS TO THE POLICE. I DIDN'T THREATEN YOU. I KNOW MY RIGHTS. – Tom M. Franklin

I don’t have any writing credits except this book which was a super-hit on Publish the Americas. I sold fourteen copies! Also I have a cat in my neighborhood so obviously I am a writer. – Julie Butcher-Fedynich

I'd love to tell you more about it, but you're a newer agent, so it wouldn't be wise for me to share a high concept story with you without the promise of representation. I've been doing my research. – Katrina Lantz

SORRY BOUT THE CAPS BUT MY BF GOT SICK N TIRED OF ME NOT CAPITALIZIN MY “I”S, SO HE SUPERGLUED MY CAPS LOCK KEY DOWN SO IM REALLY NOT YELLIN AT YOU – You know who

After all, if that 1-shot wonder Stephanie Meyers can do it with sparkling vampires (don’t get me started on THAT!) and J.K Rowling has those stupid Wizards that fly on BROOMSTICKS, than I can do it with vampire kittens. Oh and did I tell u, the kittens have UNICORN horns! – Jasouders

P.S.-In my pictures, which do u think is better: my L or R side? I need 2know 4 my author photo – Christina

To simply pass on this gift-wrapped piece of loveliness being offered to you here today would in fact be an absolute travesty on your part – the sort of mistake you might never live down – a blunder that would undoubtedly mark you forever with the letter “F.”   “F” for fool.  - Steve Novak

The owner of the ranch’s daughter’s sister’s cousin’s boyfriend stakes him and in a huge twist, he dies. – Horserider

I am ten years old and another girl at my school who is only eight is having a book published and, like, I’m really super jealous, because she is younger than me and I have been writing since way back when I was five. Life is so unfair! – Anonymous

Joanie Sunflower…found the perfect literary agent to represent her! Could life have been more perfect? … When suddenly! The agent she so carefully selected sent her a form rejection. OMG….  Little did Joanie know that she would run into that same agent later that night at the grocery store! …Joanie was furious at her bad luck, but at the same time, intrigued. She didn't know that her would-be agent was quite so... alluring.  Joanie finds herself caught between her resolve and her feelings. How can the agent who crushed her dreams be so kind, so gentle? How can she find the courage to tell him who she really is? COULD THIS BE LOVE?!  … He's Just Not That Into Your Query is a 250,000-word romance manuscript – Rebecca

“Yo Diggity, Barry Biddy Gets Crackalackin’,” was given benevolently to me by The Super Best Friends (Jesus, Buddha, Moses, Joseph Smith, Krishna, Lao Tzu, Muhammad, and Sea Man) – Sara Baker

So anyway, Natalie falls in love with this guy Fischer, but what she doesn't know until later is that Fisch is a ZOMBIE!!!!!! I bet you didn't see that coming. – madameduck

my name is confidential due to some ambiguous reasons – Anonymous

Oops, wait. Am I allowed to say bitch in a query? – Jennifer Fischetto

Gotta go! I only hit the nurse hard enough to steal her laptop for a few minutes! More nurses are coming, and they're bringing a shot. Time for a nap! – Anonymous

The finctional novel is the story of SPOT, a fifteen-year old kitty princess who falls into a fishbowl in the middle of a revolution. – Jessie

It's a psycho thriller with a twist of lime. Not the lime in Margaritas although one would be good right now. More of a lime-life. – Anonymous

Want to read my memoire thingy, The Barefoot Years? It’s off the hook.  The story is about me. And being barefoot…for like…a long time. Years, even.  Please let a me know soon ‘cause I need the money from my book deal to pay for bunion surgery.  - Marsha Sigman

What is beter than Gone With the Wind? My book. – Deborah

What's That in Mommy's Hand is a fiction picture…if you have ever had your six year old daughter walk in on you at a "private" moment you will realize just how important a book like this will be for parents of children like Sally. – Morgan Ives

Please contact me between 9:00 a.m. and 9:17 a.m. EDT on even-numbered days, or between 10:42 p.m. and 10:48 p.m. on odd-numbered days (unless there's an new moon, half moon, or full moon - then you need to add 23 minutes to odd times or subtract 4 hours and 53 minutes from even times). I only check my email on February 29th, so phone is best. – Cheryl

Especially since I channeled about 98% of what is in the book, so I can guarantee that it is the MOST accurate information available on the market. – Chersti Nieveen

So there's this sweet love to with this guy, and this girl has a family, and they are all from this other world. They are otherworldly! – Ivy Hawthorn

Thank you everyone for entering; this was so much fun!!

In Bad Taste: Horrendously Hilarious Query Contest CLOSED!

2010-09-12T19:58:00.001-07:00

It's finally here! The Horrendously Hilarious Query Contest!

Post your query into the comments section below. Remember, it canNOT be longer than 500 words.

I will accept all entries time-stamped after 8am EST/5am PST on Monday, September 13th, until I reach either 75 entries OR Friday, September 17th 12pm EST.

Clients are welcome to post, and may remain anonymous, but MUST specify if she or he is a client (so these entries don't count in the 75!).

You are MORE than welcome to continue to post even after 75 entries have been reached (in fact, I encourage it!)

Winners will be announced and posted on Monday, September 20th; you must check back to see if you are a winner. Instructions on how to collect your fabulous prizes will also be announced then.

So get ready...set...and may the WORST query win!

Common Manuscript Mistakes, and How to Avoid Them

2010-09-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

Quite frequently I’m asked to share what the most common themes I see in the slush are. I don’t really have an answer for that. It comes in waves; ghosts, werewolves, princesses, distressed teens dealing with peg-legs and missing dogs.

What I can talk about, however, are the most common mistakes I see with manuscripts.

Most of the time, I feel like this when I read a query and turn to pages:

Why? Top three reasons:

1. Poor pacing
2. Not connecting to voice
3. Plot not stand-out enough

In my opinion, there is a way to avoid all three: they’re called beta readers. Just kidding. That’s a copout; you should never rely on your beta to make your manuscript publishable and/or readable – which is step one on how to avoid these mistakes.

Other tips:

1. Avoiding horrible pace

Cut your prologue, dream sequence, and first chapter. Second, take a look at your synopsis. A lot of the time, the synopsis highlights the heart of the story, and will pinpoint exactly what the important details you should have – and what you shouldn’t have – are. Too much back-story upfront really drags pace, and too many tiny, unimportant, menial things like sports games, day-to-day activities, talking to mom/sister/great-aunt also really slow pace. You don’t need to tell me when your character goes pee or brushes her teeth. In other words, don’t summarize events; realize them in the plot.

The best way to improve pacing is to go back and snip snip snip from your finished manuscript; ask yourself: why is this scene really here? Does it actually serve a purpose to the plot?

Here’s a great site on pacing

2. Creating a likeable voice

This is the hardest one. Voice is impossible to fix. It’s the most subjective aspect of the book.
However, a few pointers from voices I haven’t liked: make a character snarky, not rude. Make your character believable and relatable (there’s a reason so many characters have no boyfriends and no lives and are so poor – the majority of us are like that too). If your character has un-likeable aspects, make sure there are still flaws, too. Sarcasm is great; whining is not. Think cheeky and feisty rather than arrogant and violent. Inner strength should shine through the voice, even if not in the action.

Personally, I gravitate toward more open and sarcastic voices, voices I can relate to in real life. Think of your audience – what kind of narrator would they relate to?

Here’s a great site for tips on developing voice.

3. Avoiding the “done” plot

RIGHT when you get your sni (shiney new idea), THINK about it. A lot. Write down the idea; see exactly how far this spark takes you. The reality is, there are a LOT of books out there, and having a “twist” alone isn’t going to make your book stand out. Adding a supernatural element is NOT enough to turn your teen love story into a sellable book, nor is changing up an existing supernatural creature or mashing two themes like death and divorce together.

Hopefully, you are reading in your genre – that is the BEST way to know if your sni is too close to what’s already been done. Make me go, “oh wow” when I read your query letter – and do not fall into the trap of the “done” plotLINE. A fabulous idea that follows the same structure as every other book out there – such as, teenaged girl discovers powers at 16, meets mysterious boy, has to save the world, or perhaps London debutante who hates the idea of marriage suddenly meets her match – is still a no for me. Avoid lighter, chick-lit plots; they often fall flat!

The Query Letter: The Death of the Dickens?

2010-08-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

As I started to ponder the #queries question, I started to ponder on the query letter in general. I don’t know the actual history of the query letter (my strenuous two minute Google search sadly ended in failure), but I imagine that it started when aliens came down and waved a magic wand over every sleeping agent to magically cause them to all require an introduction to manuscript submissions, so they could toss it out the window immediately without having to read 500 pages in before realizing: oh, I don’t like time-travel books.

There’s obviously no one way to write a letter. It is the bane of every submitting writer’s existence to come up with the perfect form-letter-that-also-sounds-personal. Researching all these different wants, personalities, likes and dislikes…

It is undeniable that it is a very time-saving process for agents, and that it is an invaluable practice for authors. Being able to sum up the book not only prepares the author for that inevitable, “so what’s it about?” question, but it also allows him or her to finally sit down after months or years or decades of sweet, hard labor and realize…oh whoops, I just re-wrote Harry Potter.

But is the time saved and the practice gained worth the cost?

Most agents (myself included) insist that the Classics would of course still have been published today. Fine writing is fine writing no matter what.

But I have to wonder. If Charles Dickens had submitted a query and the first 50 pages of David Copperfield to me, what would I have done?

It wasn’t until the very end of my forced reading of that book that I realized the pure genius of it; it is a beautiful character study. Every single page is necessary to flesh out his characters. But 50 pages in?

Dear Charles,

Thank you for thinking of me. I really appreciate your patience in allowing me time to consider David Copperfield.

While I was very impressed with your writing, I’m sorry to say that David Copperfield was just not for me. I found the pacing a bit slow, and worried that there just wasn’t enough going on to really break it out in today’s tough market. The length also gave me pause.

I’m sorry I couldn’t have better news; I wish you the best of luck!

Sincerely,
Natalie

So what do you think? Are today’s literary geniuses being overlooked, or just transformed into more commercial and ADD-friendly authors?

Because again, there’s no doubt there are some absolutely amazing authors today. And writing styles/tastes do change over time. I personally don’t feel we're missing any genius. But do you?

#queries

2010-08-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

There’s been quite a bit of debate this week on sites such as SlushPile Hell and #queryfail (read here and here). So far, I’ve only been reading the opposing side. Points:

Who has time to even THINK about these bad queries, let alone TWEET about them!

And

I will NEVER tweet/talk of personal correspondence, so query freely! It is an ethical faux pas to do so.

To be fair, I understand that. A lot. Both are incredibly valid points, and I agree with both. The majority of people that send the worst letters aren’t even lucid when they press SEND, and for the ones that are, it’s heartbreaking to receive such humiliation.

But (of course you knew a but was coming) I DO tweet about these queries. Do I do it to be helpful? Well, yes. But 90% of the audience reading my tweets isn’t who should be getting the advice.

So why do it?

Sites like “shit my dad says” may emphasize what I’m about to say the most: really, it’s about having a sense of humor. Do I honestly take it so seriously that every time I tweet about a mistake, I’m FUMING and RANTING about the HORRIBLE quality I’m reading? No.

I still turn to the majority of manuscript pages that I tweet about, because I know for a fact that some people just plain suck at writing query letters. But that doesn’t mean they suck at writing. I also think that writers should be aware of the reality of the slush pile. If anything, I feel my tweets emphasize the importance of research, feedback, and continued perseverance and development.

I also DESERVE to be called out on ANY mistake I make. So, fair’s fair. In my eyes.

Everyone has the right to dislike policies and attitudes of other agents. But…just don’t act like your word is final. For every opinion, there is an opposite.

Ok! Onto fun stuff. How about I level the playing field?

Here is MY own PERSONAL query development. Snarky comments welcome; I made almost EVERY mistake in the book! I cringe to look back…

First Letter Ever:

If you mix a fairy, a goddess, magic, and a story, what do you get? A book written about those subjects called The Goddess of Time.

The main plot is set at no particular time, but resembles the middle- ages, with kings, queens, peasants, and other miscellaneous characters. It is fictional, having magic, folklore, and mystical creatures that you may only dream of. The main character is named Shadow, a fifteen-year-old fairy whom is compelled to tell the truth. She is most unusual, with her blue eyes and black hair, unlike all the other fairies who have brown eyes and either brown or blonde hair. Her best friends, Cider and Wheat, always try to make her have fun, and misuse her powers for simple pleasure, ending in a loss of their friendship.

Shadow finds a circlet in a cave, launching her into adventure with the task of rescuing the former Queen Lilly from the clutches of the evil King Smoldren. If Shadow does not succeed, the kingdom and world could fall into King Smoldrens grasp, allowing him all the power and money he could imagine, killing all who come in his way.

Shadow is not about to let this happen, though. With the help of a prince transformed into a squirrel, a nymph that had previously been a walnut, and Lilly’s husband, she manages to come up with a plan to over-throw the wicked king. Consulting first with her own dear king, she sets up a battle plan, proposing to enter through a secret tunnel and rescuing Moonshine, the head of the teaching department, whom had been captured during the battle. The king and his army would swamp the rear of the palace, taking them by surprise, and hopefully winning.

But the battle suddenly takes on an interesting turn, and Shadow finds herself face to face with the vile Smoldren.
In battling him, Shadow sets Lilly free, whom on her return, kills Smoldren and restores her wasted kingdom. Only then does Shadow learn whom she really is, and with that knowledge put to right the traitor that was smuggling plans to Smoldren within they’re midst.

If I have caught your attention in any way, please read the novel for yourself and decide if it is worthy to be published. The book in whole has ----words, and can be sent disk (floppy), CD, or by mail. Would you rather have a general outline, or the book itself?

I know that as an unpublished writer, I won’t have anything to show or assure you that my work is suitable. But that does not mean it is not good; it just means I may have fresh or new ideas.

My phone number is ___, and my address, ___ Brentwood, TN, 37027. My fax number is ___. Please contact me if you wish to consider my book. I know that I may and most likely won’t be successful on my first try, but that does not mean I didn’t try at all. Thank-you for your time and patience with this letter.

(I should have put the thanks for time and patience at the beginning, and yes, this was in the time of floppy disks...)

Biggest Mistakes Ever:

I am a writer. I haven’t come to you asking for proof. As a girl of only sixteen years of age I can’t truly tell you if that’s what I’ll be in ten years. All I can say is that getting there will be a long, and yes, expensive road.

Naturally a writer can’t help but go to the computer and type out a story. Mine happens to be called _____, a ___-word _________ novel.

I’ve been “agenting” for quite some time now, trying to find one to slip my manuscript under your “big, scary door”. The thing is, I am, after all, still learning about how to properly write and polish a five-paragraph essay. God forgive the unlucky soul that tries to take on and read a pitted, grammatically incorrect manuscript that may or may not even be anything more than a big run-on sentence…right? Then again, you have to consider the fact that I have actually picked up a copy of Writer’s Guide to Book Editors, Publishers, and Literary Agents to find your name. It has, unfortunately, become my Bible. You might be surprised at how many tricks a person can pick up after reading a gazillion and one books such as that.

One thing that might have you reading no further is the fact that this is a query letter, a piece of paper that pitches a novel, and I’ve only mentioned the book once. In my experience, it might not be my letter that gets me thrown away but the close-mindedness of adults who can’t imagine a future for a silly little sixteen-year-old girl. That’s why I’ve dedicated this entire cover letter to getting you used to the idea that not all teenagers sit and drool in front of the TV all day.

The thing is, I’m not out for glory and fame. I am surrounded by peers who probably can’t even read. The general audience I’m targeting prefers movies to books any day. Here’s the catch: teens also like to read things other teens have. A book, written by a teen herself? Put yourself in my shoes. I know I would personally go to the store and pay money to check out what this girl has to offer.

What does this girl have to offer? A very dedicated soul. The glossy cover of the bookfront does not blind me; I do know what work goes on to put it there. Editing, editing, and yes, editing are not beyond me, nor are promoting, cooperation, and patience. I offer you my query: please sample it. The taste might just be to your liking.

AND

I currently have a contract with _____ Literary Agency. I am writing you because I wish to find new representation for my novel, Love and Navy Slippers, due to the unsatisfactory representation I have received so far.

Alarm bells, and several questions, should be popping into your head right now. As a contracted author, I have no right to try and find new representation before terminating a current contract on that novel. However, I have been unable to contact my agents for several months now, and I do not wish to sit around waiting for failure. I still want to succeed as an author, and to do so I cannot afford to wait for my agents to find me a publisher when it is convenient for them.

In an effort not to offend, I will not use this space, or your time, to list my complaints about my agents. All I ask is a review of my query and a response. I have enclosed an SASE for this purpose. I thank you most sincerely for your time.

(guess how far the last two letters got me? *snort* My tweet would be: "I will not use this space or your time to list my complaints" <-- uh, didn't you just do that?!)

Last Letter Ever:

How typical of Charlotte Huntington to fall in love with the stable boy. Unfortunately, how also disastrously embarrassing that, after a passionate confession of her love, he broke her heart, coolly dismissing her passion and walking out of her life for good. Broken, Charlotte is shipped off to London for a proper season, where she bitterly decides to never let any man reject her—ever again.

Three seasons, many coy smiles, and fitted bodices later, Charlotte has become the toast of the ton, the most sought-after and elusive woman in all of London.

Until he shows up again.

The stable boy. And every ounce of her carefully trained façade begins to crumble, her heart skittishly surrendering to his very presence. Not that he even bothered to notice; the man barely even acknowledged her existence. He was the most infuriating creature she’d ever come across in her life! Not that it helped that he was, apparently, her father’s new manager. When he’d left her, not only had he rejected her love, but rejected every ounce of his former self, nearly breaking his back for two years to become as ruthless and cold in business as her father, managing the astonishing feat of completely taking over Lord Huntington’s company.

But damn him, she would win. She’d learned a few tricks herself over the years. And Charlotte is going to make him pay for his cold heart. She will make him fall in love with her, and as soon as she hears the words—she’ll run off and marry someone else.

Unfortunately…that’s only if he doesn’t rekindle her weary heart first, which, as time goes by, starts to become a very frightening possibility. Because the more time she spends with him…the more she remembers as to why she fell in love with him in the first place…and the more it feels like she’ll lose, either way she decides to play. Because what she doesn’t know, is that Jake Jennings never intended to leave her at all—because he has always loved her. And he intends, now that he has gained the means to claim her, to never let her go.

Unfortunately…he’s got a new secret of his own. A secret that, innocent and darling as she is, could keep them apart forever.

No wonder it takes an entire book for the two to finally live happily ever after. It’s all the unfortunate reality of Natalie Maya Fischer’s AN ERRONEOUS ROMANCE.

(this was the point I ended up with "great writing, needs plot")

****

Is this proof enough that I will NEVER “write off” an author just because of a bad query? I’ve had quite a journey. I expect every writer to as well. Development. Happens.

And for the record, using my “agent hat” now, I would have ONLY looked at the pages for the last query. I am SO HAPPY I was not published at age 11!!! The universe knows. Trust it.

In Bad Taste: Horrendously Hilarious Query Contest

2010-08-23T17:36:00.000-07:00

As many of you know (via my #queries sessions on Twitter), agents receive a lot of bad query letters. No, not bad; horrendous.

In an effort to share the delightful reaction I have to these letters, and add a little levity to the no-nonsense submission process, I present to you: In Bad Taste: the Horrendously Hilarious Query Contest!

Dear Ms. van Haitsma,

In 1993, an all-male secret society in Tuscany conspired to publish a string of English books about the beauty of the region and the passion of its men. For the next two decades, they reaped the rewards of streams of easy-to-seduce American divorcees. Their plot is discovered by a woman who gets invited to a shack in Tuscany by someone who appears to be a vampire, but is actually God. She meets the vampire while hiking the Appalachian Trail.

My 379,000-word novel is very similar to the new Julia Roberts movie "Pray, Eat, Love." I have never actually been to Tuscany or the Appalachian Trail, but I have Einstein-hair like Malcolm Gladwell, which will convince people that I am a genius, despite doing almost zero research and using people from my personal life as major examples of my ideas.

I have been trying to fit in a group of repressed Muslim women who were empowered by American teachers, but couldn´t quite manage it. I would appreciate any suggestions about where to add them. In the back of the novel, I will include several Tuscan recipes that I downloaded from the internet. I have also added references to many currently popular YouTube videos, in order to enhance the novel´s appeal to younger readers.

I haven´t written the book yet, so I will need an advance of at least $125,000. I think that will be enough to help pay for translating the story into Swedish, then having it translated back into English, so that the cover can say it was translated from Swedish, because I hear that is a hot publishing trend now.

Sincerely,

Elva Donaldson

PS: If you want, I can rework the novel to be about zombies.

-kindly provided by Dax Oliver, a writer and recovering comedian living in Queens, New York.

Submission guidelines:

Contest opens Monday, September 13th at 8 AM EST

-post your query in the comments section below the "contest open" post (to come)

Contest closes Friday, September 17th 12pm EST OR after the first 75 entries, whichever comes first

Queries must be no longer than 500 words

Please note that, due to the volume of submissions received, I am only able to respond to those I am interested in.

1st Place: I will WRITE a query for you.

-Yes, that's right; a bona-fide agent pitch, just for you! Query, detailed synopsis, and first ten pages of your manuscript will be required. A critique of all materials sent will also be included.

2nd Place: critique of query, synopsis, and first ten pages.

3rd Place: critique of query

My reading period is .2857 days. If you have not heard back from me within that time, unfortunately, I have passed.

Winners will be announced on Monday, September 20th

Mock your novel; mock a published novel. Mock the industry, mock the guidelines. Flaunt humor in the face of rejection and despair. Rant your frustrations on paper. Whatever you do...get ready, authors, to DO YOUR WORST!

Creating Dynamic Peripheral Characters

2010-08-17T12:59:00.000-07:00

This is a blog post I never thought I would write. Why? Because I had no idea, until I went head-first into revision with one of my authors, what to say about it.

But when an editor comes back to you saying she loves the book, but she’d like to see some revision on peripheral characters, well, gosh darn it, you figure out what to say pretty fast!

So here are some tips that I came up with for my author:

Ask yourself: What is their motivation?

One of the most important elements of your novel is understanding motivation. And not just your hero and/or heroine’s. A great exercise for this is to write a piece of the book in each of your character’s perspectives. You don’t have to include this; but see what they have to say. After you give them a voice, go back to your novel, and make sure their motive and perspectives come through without needing to be in their heads.

Avoid black/white characters

No, not physically; your peripheral characters can be purple for all I care. What I mean here is: avoid blanket good/bad stereotypes. Yes, sometimes these blanket characters pop up; epic stories usually have them. But the gray area is always so much more interesting and heartbreaking.

A great example of this came to me last night, when I (re) watched (for the millionth time) Pirates of the Carribean. Captain Barbosa is clearly a bad guy…right? But that last scene, when he dies, and the bright green apple falls from his fingers…you definitely feel heartbroken for the guy, don’t you? That little detail, those darned apples, were a beautiful plot device for making him more dynamic. They were a physical representation of his motive. He wasn’t bad for the sake of being bad; he was in pain. Yes, he also gets a chance to explain his motive to us, but it’s the apples that really drive it home.

Ask yourself: Are these characters just tools to an end?

Part of what may make a character seem less dynamic is if they only exist to drive forward the plot. Yes, yes; back to the epic fantasy example, sometimes it’s unavoidable to encounter these “extras.” Not every character in a movie needs to run up to the heroine and explain their motivation. I think, perhaps, creating a little map of where each character in your book falls in relation to the hero/heroine should demonstrate the appropriate level of development in your novel:

As the circle widens, the development lessens.

Great; I’ve done the circle and the exercise. Now what?

Good question. Everyone’s approach to revision is different. But to start, think back to the Barbosa example: allow your peripheral characters a chance to explain themselves. Their motivations are going to have to come through via interaction with the hero and/or heroine, if you don’t have multiple POVs (which I never recommend). So go back to pivotal scenes, and give them a voice!

DON'T YOU DARE Give Up

2010-08-11T22:40:00.000-07:00

I’m going to tell you a little story about a boy named Theodore Geisel (shh, now don’t interrupt if you’ve heard this one). Theodore had written a picture book manuscript called THE HOUSE ON MULBURRY STREET. He shopped it around. He sent it to twenty-two editors and, after that twenty-second rejection, Theodore decided he would go home, shred his manuscript, and give up his dream.

On the way home, he ran into an old friend of his, who had become an editor. His editor friend convinced him to let him see his manuscript. The editor changed the name of the book to THE CAT IN THE HAT, and Dr. Seuss was born.

My mom gave me a print out of this story when I was twelve years old. I tacked it to my wall, next to my computer, and whenever I was in the midst of any sort of “Why do I suck at life, my writing sucks, I should just give up” breakdown, I would look at that printout – and try again.

There used to be a motto of, “you never know – you may be only 35 cents away from that acceptance.” Now, it’s more like, “you never know – you may be just one email away from ‘the call’” – which is totally even more worth it than 35 cents, by the way.

At the end of my senior year of college, I was convinced I wanted to go to grad school to get my PH.D. in English Literature. I spent months preparing, taking tests – and at the end of it all, I was rejected from every school. I was mortified, disheartened, an absolute wreck. I decided I would just “be lost for the rest of my life.” Being lost was ok, right? Lots of people are lost.

In the meantime, the more practical side of my brain tossed out an email to my old internship, asking them to keep me in mind for any openings. No matter what, I’d spent so many years with rejection (in my querying days, I got over 100 rejections, and still kept going) that I’d built up enough of a spine to not give up, no matter what I was mumbling over shots of tequila.

I could have painfully been making my way through THE CANTERBURY TALES – in old English – and writing papers to the light of the midnight oil at this exact same time this year. Instead, I’m rambling on online conferences, building careers, and reading client work to the soft glow of my Mac computer. I couldn’t be happier. I finally realized that the only reason I’d applied to grad school in the first place was because I was terrified of what to do next.

The universe works in mysterious ways. But it always turns out in the best way for YOU. It may not be what you want, or expect, but if you allow it to throw curveballs at you and don’t stomp off the field and demand them to be thrown straight (maybe a sports analogy wasn’t the best way for this princess unicorn to go…), trust me – you’ll be rewarded in the end.

Don’t believe me?

My client, Roseanne Thong, had her manuscript with her editor for six months. Not a peep. A letter arrived from a very lovely librarian, complimenting her last book with Chronicle. Two weeks later we had an offer.

Agent and writer Mandy Hubbard recently tweeted about how she sent out PRADA AND PREJUDICE to twenty publishers, before she completely re-wrote the book from scratch – and got two offers.

These amazing stories are out there because of perseverance. It takes guts to stick it out – but that’s exactly what you have to do if you want to succeed in this business. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to rant and moan and bitch and scream "Why do I SUCK at LIFE?!"

Just don’t. Give. Up.

Who knows – you may be an email click away from the next story on my blog. ;)

The Cheater's Guide to Requested Materials

2010-08-08T19:36:00.001-07:00

Need a quick fix? Or, rather, staring at a blank page and WANT a quick fix to get started? Here you go!

Synopsis:

Copy and paste your query into a new document. Add two more paragraphs to finish it and explain the ending.

Bio:

(name) lives in (state) with her (husband/cat/parrot). An avid writer, she spends her days (job), and contributes to (blog/magazine/newspaper). (Title) was a (second/first/third) place winner in the (contest). (name) is currently hard at work on her next project, (wip).

Query letter:

Here's a template.

(hey, even I get to cheat)

Elevator pitch/one-line hook:

Don’t get too complicated; you don’t need to explain the entire plot. Just get me intrigued. Pick the juicy, unique detail of your plot and blurt it out.

Still stuck? Use the first line of your query letter.

No? Ok, don’t try and make it a sentence. Go with two.

(yeah, these can be hard; maybe just go talk to your closet door about your book until you figure out what parts make you the most excited to say. Enthusiasm goes a long way.)

Manuscript:

On your own, pal. No way to cheat out of finishing that one.

The Tragedy of the Creepy Phone Stalker Guy

2010-08-06T22:39:00.001-07:00

The phone rings.

“Dijkstra Agency, this is Natalie.”

“Hi, can I speak to Sandra Dijkstra?”

“Can I ask who’s calling please?”

“Uh – can I speak to Sandra?”

Uh oh. I know who this is. It’s CREEPY PHONE STALKER.

“I’m sorry, I need to know who this is; is she expecting your call?”

“Yes, she knows who I am. I submitted a manuscript to her I need to talk about.”

Oh dear lord.

“Well, I’m sorry to say that she isn’t in the office right now-”

“When will she be back?”

“Ah – you know, she’s actually out for the rest of the week.”

“Oh. Well, is there a time I can call when she’ll be in the office?”

“You know, I really can’t say…she works from her home office a lot as well...”

“Ok, but you don’t understand. I need to speak with SANDRA DIJKSTRA. She has my manuscript.”

“You know, I can put you through to Sandy’s assistant; she reads everything alongside Sandy and I’m sure-”

“No, I need to speak with Sandra. It’s very important.”

“I’m sorry…she’s just not in the office today.”

“Ok, look, I’ll call back.”

Great.

Two days later. Phone at Sandy’s assistant’s desk rings. “Dijkstra Agency this is Elise.”

Pause. She starts to pick up her pen to take notes.

“I’m sorry, can I ask who’s calling?”

Pen is put down. She sits back in her chair.

“I’m sorry, Sandy isn’t in the office today. But I’d be happy to talk to you about your manuscript….uh huh. I understand. Unfortunately, Sandy just can’t take your call…no, she’s…yes, I understand…ok.”

She hangs up.

“He’s going to call back, isn’t he?” I ask.

She sighs. “Every few months.”

Eventually, we learned his name was Michael. It took several calls to get this information. Finally, he spoke to Elise about his manuscript. Michael is currently undergoing bankruptcy, and is afraid the bank will take his manuscript. It is urgent he speaks with Sandra Dijkstra, so that she will represent him, so he can retain the rights to his manuscript.

Michael still calls to this day. He never gets to speak to Sandra Dijkstra.

The Beginning

2010-08-05T17:03:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a little writer by the name of Natalie Fischer. Natalie dreamed of being an author. 200 rejections and a consensus of "great writing, needs plot" later, she landed an internship with the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency -- and has been happily immersing herself in the adventures of agent land ever since.

So stay tuned. There's no telling what's next -- or what adventures are to come!

2010-06-11T10:43:00.001-07:00

Coming soon! (i.e. first adventure: finding time to start up blog.)