tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post8321027891922698321..comments2024-01-22T01:33:12.564-08:00Comments on Adventures in Agentland: In Bad Taste: Horrendously Hilarious Query Contest CLOSED!Natalie M. Lakosilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11558113325014783721noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-4975622906421020742014-04-14T02:45:30.332-07:002014-04-14T02:45:30.332-07:00Issues surrounding social lead freak software can...Issues surrounding <a href="http://socialleadfreakreview.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow"> social lead freak software</a> can never be over analysed. The constantly changing fashionable take on social lead freak software demonstrates the depth of the subject.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13113359218030463943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-67114488816742390192012-06-29T15:02:20.971-07:002012-06-29T15:02:20.971-07:00Good and another post from you admin :)Good and another post from you admin :)STD Symptomshttp://www.std-symptoms.us/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-20034862047353862542011-01-21T10:51:41.990-08:002011-01-21T10:51:41.990-08:00To whom it may concern,
I have just finished my fi...To whom it may concern,<br />I have just finished my first ever fiction novel, TRIANGLE LOVE, that might blow your mind. It's YA paranormal fantasy romance suspense but could be considered as a literary novel aimed at adults.<br />It's a classic tale of a girl meets vampire and werewolf or more like a sequel to the infamous TWILIGHT saga. However, my vampires are not sparkly, LOL. <br />I've written this 160K to 180K-word novel in 2nd POV in present tense to make it real exciting! However, for copyright issues, I can't go into detailed synopsis. But I can promise you that the love between my three characters will make you want to pick up your phone and call me! Plus, there's a HUGE potential for a series!!<br />Thanks for your time and I'll be on the look out for you on Twitter!!<br />Sincerely,<br />Author<br />P.S. I'm open to changing the POV to 1st or 3rd and rewrite to past tense, whichever you prefer. I'm open to ideas!!!S. A. Joohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15372483704898665019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-7334256672033629372010-09-18T12:27:47.665-07:002010-09-18T12:27:47.665-07:00In true horrible query fashion, I didn't read ...In true horrible query fashion, I didn't read what the prize was before I posted. And I'm out since I already have an agent....but we'll leave my query here for funsies.Anna Scanlonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07250975003598354619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-81426741438269043472010-09-17T20:53:35.643-07:002010-09-17T20:53:35.643-07:00Dear Sirs,
I know you've already gotten to 75...Dear Sirs,<br /><br />I know you've already gotten to 75 contestants, but once you read my query you'll want to not only give me your prize but publish my book as well.<br /><br />I lost your address, but I recently found it after looking up again. I have been querying tons of agents, but I haven't had much luck. I get the feeling none of you want to work with an unknown--but I'll try again. I think I have the novel you've been waiting for--the one whose sales will eclipse Twilight, Harry Potter and The Hunger Games combined. I have been working on this manuscript for almost 10 years now, so it is totally polished and ready to go to print tomorrow, if you so choose, because I know it is the next big thing! <br /><br />Since it has taken me ten years to iron out this novel, I do not have any others in the works. But I can bang out a second novel in a couple of years. This one will make so much money, though, that it won't matter for a while. <br /><br />Cookie Jean, our main character, is a 16-year-old girl who has run away to communist Russia. There, she meets a gang of gypsy thieves. At first, she is scared of them and Joe, the Gypsy King, is scared of her because she doesn't speak Russia. Finally, he negotiates with her by buying her blue jeans. There is a rage in Cookie's eyes that is incomprehensible to the gypsies, who help her uncover the secrets to her past. They go to Odessa and then Paris and then to Moscow, trying not to leave a trail behind. Others in the group are Kelly, the gypsy princess and Paul. Together, they form the Band of Anti-Communist Leaders, a dangerous group of fighters who band together to defeat Stalin, and also uncover Cookie's dark secret, which is so shocking to all of them that they wonder if they can continue their mission.<br /><br />This thriller will take you on a historical fantasy ride you'll never forget. Also, they meet magic talking birds and lots of them, who help guide their way to Stalin and help uncover Cookie's heinous secret.<br /><br />All of my friends say this story is excellent and publishers will bid for it at auction. My mother is especially fond of the story. I just need you to give me a chance. I know this will make a million dollars. Please take a chance on an unknown author, like others have been unwilling to do!<br /><br />Peace and Light,<br />SAnna Scanlonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07250975003598354619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-47124363510190818852010-09-17T20:47:13.452-07:002010-09-17T20:47:13.452-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anna Scanlonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07250975003598354619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-64954852764186884232010-09-17T20:08:31.266-07:002010-09-17T20:08:31.266-07:00Ione likes going to school. Until one day. It’s th...Ione likes going to school. Until one day. It’s the day everything changes. First, she gets in a car accident on her way to school. But if that’s not bad enough, she hits Derek Rodgers, the handsome quarterback of her school’s team.<br /><br />Derek is furious about Ione crashing into his brand new car – a special Porsche his parents had custom ordered for him for his sixteenth birthday. He planned on taking out his dream girl, Jessica Meyers and now he has nothing but his mom’s old volkswagon to drive.<br /><br />So he comes up with a plan to make Ione’s life miserable. It starts with one little whisper in the hallway – she had been drinking before the crash. By afternoon, the whole school thinks quiet, wallflower Ione is a raging drunk who sleeps around. <br /><br />But she’s not going to let Derek get away with it. Ione is plotting revenge.<br /><br />CRASHED is a complete young adult contemporary novel of 54,000 words. If you enjoy the GOSSIP GIRL novels and BEFORE I FALL, you’ll like this book. I’ve been writing since I was in grade school. I won an award for best short story by a student my senior year in high school. Thank you for your consideration.dawnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-15559258114791238652010-09-17T18:38:49.103-07:002010-09-17T18:38:49.103-07:00Deer Agent,
You are awesome!!!! :) just wanted to...Deer Agent,<br /><br />You are awesome!!!! :) just wanted to tell you that! I LOVE all of the books you've helped published, there A-MAZ-ING!!!!<br /><br />Seriously.<br /><br />OK, so, umm, I kinda wrote a book. Wanna hear what it's about?<br /><br />Yay!<br /><br />OK so it's about this girl--oh and it's a fantasy, I think it ended up being 350 pages, but I'll email you later with the deats--anyway, this girl, she's magical, there's lots of action. IT WILL BE LIKE NOTING YOU'VE EVER SEEN BEFORE!!! <br /><br />So there's this sweet love to with this guy, and this girl has a family, and they are all from this other world. They are otherworldly! <br /><br />So, umm, yeah, I guess that's it!<br /><br />Please please PLEASE request a partial--but a FULL would be even BETTER!!!<br /><br />You rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />Sincerly,<br /><br />Anonomys (you don't need to know my name yet) ;)<br /><br />(OK, so, I don't think I could have done worse, but we'll see! *crossing my fingers* Thanks for the great contest!!!)Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17621247977765843278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-53416842422717772902010-09-16T20:48:34.211-07:002010-09-16T20:48:34.211-07:00Author's note: I am a client so this doesn'...Author's note: I am a client so this doesn't count for the 75. This is Amy A, hi Natalie!<br /><br />---<br /><br />Dear Mrs. Fischer,<br /><br />It is with great respect that I write to sincerely offer you the services of myself as a writer and my new manuscript, Searching for Dracula, a literary masterpiece of prosaic elegance that combines the Dracula mythology and archetypes with a new feminist spin in contemporary times. I have recently completed my Master’s Degree in English Literature at Online University, and have learned many important things about how to craft a delicately balanced, lucidly written story with delightful and soulful characters.<br /><br />Searching for Dracula tells the haunting tale of an ordinary woman, Emily Pascal, living in Beaverton, Oregon, which is the suburb I am from, which lends extra realism to my descriptions of Beaverton, the “concrete city of mundanity” as Emily thinks of it on page 3. <br /><br />When Emily decides she is eminently bored with her incredibly simple suburban life, she ends up attending church. But this is no ordinary church, it is a “church” comprised entirely of women who have dedicated their entire lives to worshipping the Dracula myth and attempting to achieve vampire-hood themselves by burying themselves in the ground each night and chanting haunting chants. As Emily forms strong familiar attachments to one of the women, a young woman named Lucy Parker who lost her parents in a fire at age three and then went on to become a circus performer at age seven before finally becoming homeless by choice at age twenty-two, Emily realizes that Lucy is a true vampire and also that she is in love with Lucy. Lucy is the reincarnation of Dracula and through ancient magic she has taken over Dracula’s role as the world’s only true vampire, and now she must decide whether to kill her friend and lover or let her live. I<br /> know this sounds like fantasy but with the literary style and flair of my writing this book will appeal to all audiences as it is really a character study of two women finding themselves and their true identities for the first time in life, framed from a vampiric perspective.<br /><br />As I mentioned, I have a Master’s Degree in English Literature from Online University and my essays got very positive and striking reviews from my many diverse professors. In my spare time, I enjoy avidly gardening and making goat cheese from the goats I keep in my backyard, as I now live on a farm in Indiana, but I grew up in Beaverton so I have a great deal of intimate insider’s knowledge of the setting of my novel.<br /><br />I would love to speak with you about how my novel can truly boost your client list and bring you commission, and look forward to striking a business deal that will mutually benefit both of us together.<br /><br />With sincere interest,<br /><br />Overdone ProseAmy Alexanderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01040509197440060431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-10865801351147730772010-09-16T03:22:21.286-07:002010-09-16T03:22:21.286-07:00Dear Natalie,
I think you're the Natalie I wa...Dear Natalie,<br /><br />I think you're the Natalie I was in PE with freshman year. Is that you? I'm a writer now and I have a great idea for a book but I don't wanna write it unless you think it'll sell. It's about a girl whose dad died but she still rides horses just like he taught her. I think I can work in some paranormal elements if you think that will make it sell faster. I know I'm a good writer so let me know if you want me to write this book.<br /><br />Love,<br />MeBethany C Morrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12680443616002300791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-78154055877616740872010-09-15T00:43:38.207-07:002010-09-15T00:43:38.207-07:00Hiya,
here's my novel. When willl you sent th...Hiya,<br /><br />here's my novel. When willl you sent the bucks? I'll call ya tomorrer with the bank details.<br /><br />Katie<br />P.S. I'll tell you my contakt info on the phone cause I wouldn't want it to float on the Net. You know the buggers out threre, don't ya?Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-29265187483359385352010-09-14T22:59:53.193-07:002010-09-14T22:59:53.193-07:00Hello,
I would like to submit my nonfiction proje...Hello,<br /><br />I would like to submit my nonfiction project about the lost city of Pompeii to you because I know this is exactly your kind of thing. I have titled my manuscript POMPEII ON VOLCANO DAY and it's either 50,000 or 65,000 words, depending on if I want to keep the chapter giving detailed descriptions of the deaths accompanying all the pictures I drew, which I found very emotional.<br /><br />Because there is so little information out there on Pompeii, I didn't bother doing any research. Especially since I channeled about 98% of what is in the book, so I can guarantee that it is the MOST accurate information available on the market. I think you will especially like my chapter that takes an in-depth look at the Doctor Who episode about Pompeii and the detailed accuracies portrayed in the event. My personal favorites chapter are the conspiracy theories listed behind the disaster.<br /><br />I decided not to send a SASE since the spirits have whispered that not only will you want me as a client, but that the publisher wants a sequel about the lost city of Atlantis. I am pleased to inform you that I am already hard at work on this new project, so will be unavailable for phone interview for the next two weeks as I am communicating with the spirits. <br /><br />Sincerely, <br /><br />Karen Gillan PondChersti Nieveenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01336409974765732851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-72441686202812405342010-09-14T22:35:25.193-07:002010-09-14T22:35:25.193-07:00Dear Fish-cakes (I love that nickname dont you)!
...Dear Fish-cakes (I love that nickname dont you)!<br /><br />Hi sweetie!! I've been following your work and I've noticed that you don't really have a winner yet (don't worry the world wasn't actually made in six days) so I thought I'd send you a letter because I know how much you'd appreciate having a real book to represent (like mine) so that we can make lots and lots of money together (but I still get more--well iron out contract details later).<br /><br />So I present to you (get it? because of represent? like for an agent) your new bestseller: HOT HEARTS!!! It's about two werewolves who eat red hots because they were for sale (this all happens in the prolog so I'm not giving anything away yet don't worry) and they fall in love with each other (also in the prolog) but they end up sweating alot because of the spell and people suspect that they might be werewolves (this is part of the dream sequence) and then they have to find out who put the spell on them but they weren’t really under a spell because it turns out... (HA! Like I’d give away the ending?<br /><br />Everyone I’ve shown it to thinks it’s so much better than all of the other books that they’ve read (which are pretty stupid) even Twilight and Harry Potter and Little Women (why doesn’t jo end up with Laurie? that is the stupidest romance ever and it makes no sense)! My mom even took it with her to her work and everyone there thinks it was so much better than everything else too (even Tony)! Anyway right now I have to work, but I’m going to quit my job soon so I can focus on my fiction novels, which is where my real talents are at. Anyway I attached the book here so you can read it (but don’t show anyone else I talked to a lawyer about copyright all ready) and since it’s 627 pages I will give you a week to finish. <br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Elizabeth<br /><br />We’re going to have so much fun!!! I’ll stop by your office later to bring you something I’ve baked for you (don’t worry no red hots!! lol)Elizabeth Ryannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12706539983177924875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-82741437995519977062010-09-14T22:33:36.113-07:002010-09-14T22:33:36.113-07:00Dear Ms. Fischer:
Dally Ance is a high-priced NYC...Dear Ms. Fischer:<br /><br />Dally Ance is a high-priced NYC callgirl with a penchant for solving hotel murders. Her latest hits close to her red sequined pocketbook when she stumbles upon the body of her Johnny-come-lately boyfriend-come-pimp, Flyn G. in the linen cart on the 35th floor of the Astoria. <br /><br />With only a neon green lipstick tube and the hastily scribbled name of a horse--at least, she hopes it's a horse because she'd kill Flyn G. herself if he was seeing anyone named Musty Cheeseboard--Dally faces her toughest mystery yet. <br /><br />Dealing with crooked cops, government cover-ups, and a new handler who's more pimple than pimp, Dally ends up sprawled against the wall (and not in a good way) when she's forced to choose: uncover Flyn's murderer and risk "disappearing" herself, or stand by as the police sweep Flyn's case under the rug, leaving the killer free to strike again.<br /><br />ESCORT EXPIRED is a 69,069-word romantic mystery with thrills and chills (and a few good sex tips) suitable for anyone with sufficient blood-flow to blush.<br /><br />This is my fifty-seventh book in the series, but the first one I've sent out to agents (woot! losing my query cherry!). I like to knit and collect UPC codes from bologna packages (I once won a cruise!) whenever I'm not at the keyboard. Please contact me between 9:00 a.m. and 9:17 a.m. EDT on even-numbered days, or between 10:42 p.m. and 10:48 p.m. on odd-numbered days (unless there's an new moon, half moon, or full moon - then you need to add 23 minutes to odd times or subtract 4 hours and 53 minutes from even times). I only check my email on February 29th, so phone is best.<br /><br />I look forward to your rave reviews and offer of representation.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Ima Weebit-WackoCheryl Angsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05722575692235050236noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-2824879175688829832010-09-14T21:42:48.908-07:002010-09-14T21:42:48.908-07:00Dear Miss Fischer (soon to be Mrs., I here):
I th...Dear Miss Fischer (soon to be Mrs., I here):<br /><br />I think queries are a waste of yours and mine time, so I figured I'd just attached my entire manuscript to this here email. And since I'll be in your neck of the woods, heck I'll just come on by and drop another copy off in cases you don't get the attachment that my computer just said might have a little bit of a virus.<br /><br />I think we'll make tons of money together and I look forwarded to meeting you next week at your office.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Jacqueline RipperBrenda Drakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263237745979525170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-91398997335393074802010-09-14T21:26:43.510-07:002010-09-14T21:26:43.510-07:00My friend suggested that I followup with you one m...My friend suggested that I followup with you one more time to see if you got my query and my other messages to you. When my lawyers open tomorrow please contact them to let them know as soon as possible. This is very important to me.Angela Perryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12283365861048428440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-11116457674116004862010-09-14T21:14:52.525-07:002010-09-14T21:14:52.525-07:00I hope you don't mind me following up again. I...I hope you don't mind me following up again. I promise this will be the last time. I was just wondering if you have had a chance to review my query yet. I totally understand if you have not had time yet, really I do.Angela Perryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12283365861048428440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-56676921785736302562010-09-14T21:09:05.573-07:002010-09-14T21:09:05.573-07:00As a followup to my followup I would like to take ...As a followup to my followup I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your time and consideration. Thank you.Angela Perryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12283365861048428440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-56245980387737327472010-09-14T21:08:11.712-07:002010-09-14T21:08:11.712-07:00As a followup to my query, I would like to point o...As a followup to my query, I would like to point out that even though I am not eligible for your contest, I can send you artwork for my picture book upon your request.Angela Perryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12283365861048428440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-7266290512035620012010-09-14T20:52:51.223-07:002010-09-14T20:52:51.223-07:00Dear Mrs. Lindsay,
Have you ever imagined what it...Dear Mrs. Lindsay,<br /><br />Have you ever imagined what it would be like to be a six year old girl and accidentally get up during the night because you needed a drink and catch your mom and dad making whoopee?<br /><br />Because that is exactly what happened to me. My name is Sally and I'm six years old. I was thirsty and I got up to get a drink and I saw some things that totally confused my little six year old brain.<br /><br />What's That in Mommy's Hand is a fiction picture book that addresses a real problem that a real six year old like Sally faces all over the world, except that Sally is fictional. If you have ever had your six year old daughter walk in on you at a "private" moment you will realize just how important a book like this will be for parents of children like Sally.<br /><br />For my families privacy because of the sensitive nature of this picture book, I can not tell you my name. Please make arrangements with my lawyer Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe at 555-9123.Angela Perryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12283365861048428440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-72712814027591716882010-09-14T20:29:37.849-07:002010-09-14T20:29:37.849-07:00Dear Natalia Fisher,
I wanted to bring my query...Dear Natalia Fisher,<br /> <br />I wanted to bring my query to you in person, but I don't get out of the big house for another year. For wutever reason they won't give me a leave to bring this to you. I hope the pink paper is your favorite color. <br /><br />My kids book-LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF DING DONGS- is approximately 145,789 words short. I wrote it in about three days (we got a lot of free time here ya know). It's about this kid...his name is..umm...Nick. Yeah Nick. Anyway Nick is a real winner. He's in love with Josie (yeah I copied it from Josie and the Pussycats). But of course it wouldn't be a kids fiction novel without a love triangle, so there's Mac too. Mac is as big as a Mac truck. I really love him, he's my favorite. <br /><br />Anyway back to the story. Nick and Josie have to find out why they have superpowers. Nick can scale some really tall buildings and Josie can put people to sleep with her singing. If they don't find out where their powers came from and how to control them then the world is defintely going to end. <br /><br />When Mac comes along he throws a monkey wrench in their plans. It's his job to keep them from finding out what they are looking for. Do you think he is successful? Before you answer that you should know that Mac falls in love with Josie. Well, I'm not going to tell you if he stops them or not, because that would ruin the story. <br /><br />I'd be happy to send you my manuscript. It's a mix between Orson Wells and Stephenie meyer that everyone will want to read. I guarantee it is a best seller for sure. Oh yeah, and if you could...plz respond ASAP my baby daddy needs the money to pay for diapers and food. This could be a sequel too. I promise I could write it quick.<br /><br />From Behind Iron Bars,<br /><br />MyztikAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17876772923733290496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-69735403647333167452010-09-14T20:14:18.773-07:002010-09-14T20:14:18.773-07:00Dear Mrs. Fisher,
What is beter than Gone With th...Dear Mrs. Fisher,<br /><br />What is beter than Gone With the Wind? My book. If you call me write now, I will tell you about it, but just to give you an idea of the block-buster opis you don't want to miss, think Lord of The Rings, GWTW, and Stargate rolled into one with a dolup of Breave Heart. I now, I now. It defies beleaf that such a prise xsists, but I'm riting you wirte now to tell you it dows. It really dows. And I'm offuring it to you one a short-term, x-clusive opportunite because I know your a reputible agent and our looking for new awthors like me who now how to rite really grate books. I'm sure your busy, so I will give you three mounths. If you havn't called me by then, I'll call you. Thank you for your tyme.<br /><br />Sincearly,<br />Rock Star AuthorDeborah Smallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17582655689614863667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-47357372284840103222010-09-14T14:45:08.443-07:002010-09-14T14:45:08.443-07:00Dear Norman Fisher,
Want to read my memoire thing...Dear Norman Fisher,<br /><br />Want to read my memoire thingy, The Barefoot Years? It’s off the hook. <br />The story is about me. And being barefoot…for like…a long time. Years, even.<br /><br />Please let a me know soon ‘cause I need the money from my book deal to pay for bunion surgery.<br /><br />Peace Out,<br /><br />Marsha SigmanMarsha Sigmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11095210839900479297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-89870586513321840322010-09-14T14:20:00.463-07:002010-09-14T14:20:00.463-07:00Dear Ms. Agent,
I am writing to you about my nove...Dear Ms. Agent,<br /><br />I am writing to you about my novel "The Green Pasture on the other side of the Fence gone way wrong." I know the title is long but we can squish the letters together. It's a psycho thriller with a twist of lime. Not the lime in Margaritas although one would be good right now. More of a lime-life. I have queried two thousand eight hundred and fifty nine agents, but I had to add them to my, you suck wall. No you don’t suck the responses to my queries suck. Anyway doesn’t anyone know good talent when they see it. I mean really how busy can you be. All you have to do is read e-mails, drink lattés, talk to publishers, with all your free time you surely could give me the courtesy of telling me verbatim what I need to do to polish this puppy off.<br /><br />But enough about you, back to my novel “The Green Pasture on the other side of the Fence gone way wrong.” When the papers are stacked up, it’s about an inch thick. It’s about a woman who meets a neighbor who seems to be normal but is way not. He is a psycho. There is an awesome shower scene, a creepy lady, a black bird and a dog, which make up the main characters. Women of all ages will line up to read this, or drink. Not that I condone drinking but slap back a few jagerbombs, and you’ll enjoy this even more. I know I did. <br /><br />I am hoping that you are the one agent that knows true talent. As for the other, well, thousand or so that have already over-looked me, it’s there loss. So you can e-mail, write, phone, page, or telepathically contact me. I looked up our zodiac signs and we are quite compatible. Also I enjoy motorcycle riding, playing with my .45 Smith and Wesson, taking long walks, oh yeah and mud wresting. <br /><br />I will await your call.<br /><br />Sidney (no not from Australia)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2965176195649202077.post-79615413503496101302010-09-14T12:09:59.122-07:002010-09-14T12:09:59.122-07:00(glitter filled pink envelope sprinkled with vanil...(glitter filled pink envelope sprinkled with vanilla fragrance)<br /><br />Dear Natty,<br /><br />How are you? I was researching agents and I ran into your blog. You’re so pretty and you look so sweet, I thought you would be the perfect agent for me. I mean you’re young, nothing like some of those old hags in this industry. Some agents can be really mean, you know? In any other business people are fighting over clients, but agents are all ignoring the ones trying to hire them. It’s so weird and so disappointing I sometimes think of giving up and not finishing my novel at all. But then I saw you and I just knew you’d be dying to get my book!<br /><br />I’m not so popular in school, so my mom said I should write about my frustrations. So I started writing and got really excited about it! It’s a fiction novel inspired in my own life, a very adventurous, sad and profound memoir-like YA romance. Most of it is true, but I want it to have a happy ending, so in the book I’ll end up getting a boyfriend, which I don’t have in real life. And maybe I’ll have like a makeover. I haven’t it all figured out yet. Anyway, the book is called “A Midwestern Cinderella Story – tales of a high school outcast”. It’s about my life and my innermost feelings and how these bitchy girls at my school gross me out. They are so bad I didn’t even have to make anything up, they’re the perfect villains. They’re going to have some surprise when my book comes out all pretty and it’s all like mean about them!<br /><br />Anyways, this book will be a mix of Mean Girls, Princess Diaries, High School Musical, Running with Scissors and a few of those really tragic memoirs by awesome women. It’s also a bit like that movie with Leo DiCaprio in high school, except I don’t do drugs (but some of the people in my class totally do).<br /><br />Let me know how much you can get for an advance. I know I’m only 17, but there’s no point in keeping writing this if I don’t make any money, right? I mean, you have no idea how crazy school is, so I really need some assurance that I won’t need a degree in order to make money. Oh, and I want Emma Watson to play me on the movie! Wouldn’t that be cool?<br /><br />I can send you a few pages if you want. But don’t worry, this won’t be a long book. I’m thinking it will have about a hundred pages when I finish it. No one reads those huge books anymore, you know? But I do want a sparkly pink hard cover! Oh my gosh, this will be so fab!<br /><br />Anyway, send me an email or a tweet or a facebook message. I totally have the feeling I won’t just be your favorite writer, I’ll be your BFF.<br /><br />XOXO,<br /><br />Gabriela Lessa <3Gabriela Lessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265214314915980398noreply@blogger.com