One of my biggest pet peeves as an agent is dealing with an author with an ego problem. This is the author who gripes about everything, never has time to spare for an interview, let alone a question from a peon, and treats those who “work” for him or her like they should be worshipping the ground that he or she walks on, because clearly, he or she is THE only author who matters.
For a long time now, this is all I’ve been focusing on. And then, this week, it hit me: I am becoming that AGENT.
No, not the agent of the author with the ego problem; the AGENT with the ego problem.
Yes, you heard me – I, NATALIE FISCHER, AM DEVELOPING AN EGO PROBLEM.
I’ve seen the signs: tweeting snarky comments about queries, secretly relishing the ability to hit “delete” due to our agency’s “no response if not interested” policy, avoiding interaction with authors as much as possible at conferences, and my personal rejections getting more and more vague.
All in the name of “time-saving,” I convinced myself. I’m not a “new” agent anymore; I have SO many more responsibilities.
Yeah, right.
There ARE many things going on in my life right now; I’m recently engaged and dealing with a transition (to be announced…). And part of these “signs” ARE indeed part of seasoning; after all, if I can find a seat at a conference dinner next to someone who isn’t going to pitch me the whole time, and rather let me eat and enjoy conversation, then yeah, I’m going to opt for that.
But part of me is also forgetting what it feels like to be the author. What it feels like to be humiliated by a mistake.
It took a mistake of my own to realize it, and I sincerely thank the author who called me out on it (I read a submission quickly, and, long story short, rejected her manuscript based on the competition of other Nazi occupation books when her book has zero to do with that. Doh.)
That, to me, is unacceptable. A rushed response is NOT better than a delayed, helpful one. In fact, it’s worse: I’ve HARMED myself by rushing that response. It was a waste of both my time, and the author’s.
Yes, there are bitter people who will respond to me angrily no matter WHAT I say or do; but that’s not my problem. Forgetting to be as helpful as possible and as gracious and professional as I can IS.
So I am challenging myself. I am challenging myself to NOT forget where I came from. To keep my heart and ears open to criticism, and change. And to respect the restraints of growth with dignity, rather than scrambling to find excuses or ways around them.
Who knows…maybe my post will inspire one of you to take this challenge, and not become the angry self-centered author, too.
Or so this peon can only hope. ;)
For me, this is your best blog entry ever. It makes me soooooo much want to be your client (I promise not to be such an egocentric author). I also think you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes, life is just so very busy that any human falls in THAT trap. As long as you don't stay in there, you'll still be the most helpful, friendly, and accessible agent I read.
ReplyDeleteI agree, this is a good post. The whole harshness of the publishing industry is an illness that I have to immunize myself against every day. After all, I want to have a written conversation with kids and I don't want to transmit that harshness/cynicism to the kids that read my stuff. Believe me, some are so smart they see right through an author's screen. So if people in the publishing industry can be a little less harsh, I think it will eventually lead to authors that are a little less harsh. Maybe a virtuous cycle can get started. Everybody benefits. Perhaps then, agents can be viewed more as the prospective business partner of the author rather than the filter in the way of getting published. As for egotistical authors, well, I hope they don't write for YA or especially middle school aged kids. Kids need to be encouraged. And I can tell you, the best part of my day is hearing anything from a kid who has read my stuff. I think an egotistical author misses that bit of joy.
ReplyDeleteWell you just doubled your workload with this post, we are all going to want you to represent us now!
ReplyDeleteTo err is human, admitting that mistake and calling yourself out on it makes you a better person and a way amazing agent already.
Congratulations on your engagement and I hope your transition is not going to be Nathan Bransfordesque.
I'm with everyone else. This is a good post. I think lots of agents find themselves in this situation (or at least from the things they blog and tweet it would appear so). But I really respect you for posting this. We all make mistakes but it takes a big person to own up to it. I would love to work with you.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your engagement.
beth-project52.blogspot.com
I've thought about this a lot myself, to the point where I've told my friends that if getting published starts to change me, they'll call me on it. Of course, I'm nowhere near published yet, but I keep seeing it happen to others, and to people who never seemed capable of it before.
ReplyDeleteSo really, I think that just knowing what you could become and deciding not to be That Agent is the biggest step you can take to avoid it. I love this post for so many reasons, but just knowing that there are agents determined not to let the business change them, too... it's a great feeling.
It's a fine line to walk and I don't envy you. As a beta reader, I've had to put off my own emotional garbage and read other's work with a clean head. It's hard.
ReplyDeleteIt's no wonder agents are becoming snarky with what you have to put up with -- bad spelling, crazy queries, ugly manuscripts, deadlines, thousands of submissions.
I'm glad you recognized that in yourself. Some days are harder than others but you'll get through it. One day at a time.
Congrats on your engagement. That's hard too.
Wow. Yay for you for posting this, I'm sure it wasn't easy. I can't imagine what you deal with all day long, but I do know what us writers go through.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this super gracious and humble post, Natalie! I honestly have to say that with your incredible self-perception, I feel confident that you will never become THAT agent. (As for me ever becoming THAT author, you may remember that I DID morph into her for about an hour one morning. Luckily, a very wonderful agent let me have my hour of egotistical self-indulgence, forgave me for it, and by doing so, ensured that I would (hopefully) NEVER become THAT author again. (If I ever do, Natalie, I'm counting on you to call me out on it!) Thanks again for such an awesome post! :)
ReplyDeleteI have to say, as your client, you've NEVER made me feel like I was unimportant. In fact, there has been MANY, many times that you made me feel as if I was your ONLY client. Every one makes mistakes, and it's admirable that you were not only willing to "fess up" to it, but take responsibility for that mistake. I have to agree with everyone else that you've probably added to your workload with this post. But things will calm down in a few months and you'll be just fine. In the meantime, (((HUGS)))!
ReplyDeleteWhoa. Awesome post. Really puts it in perspective... helping us understand your world a bit more clearly. Thanks for posting this.
ReplyDeleteCalling yourself out on your own mistakes is a huge indicator that you will be able to stay true to yourself as you build your career and have more and more success. The fact that you'd share it on your blog shows you are both brave and humble.
ReplyDeleteIt's not surprising to me that agents have difficulty reigning in their egos. After all, everyone DOES want access to you, wants to get your opinion on their work, wants you to give them advice, take them on as clients, etc. It would tempt even the humblest person to headiness.
In my former career, I had a similar kind of influence. I wrote payment system rules for Internet and mobile payment applications. Reps from companies always wanted me to endorse or review their products (which I couldn't do) or make sure their business models were not in conflict with the rules - when it was their job to do that, not mine. What's more, every time I got pulled away from my "more important" responsibilities by one of these people, I felt resentful. While I think that is normal, I also agree with you that it is not the best way to do business.
So whenever I felt myself feeling very important and high-minded, I remembered that these people were just doing the same thing I was - doing their best to earn a living, provide for their families, and pursue valuable work that fulfilled them. For you it's even more difficult because authors take their writing so very personally, given that it is a part of who they are. It is a big responsibility you have since writing and agenting are so much more than "just jobs."
It sounds like you are well on your way to setting and keeping the balance. I have no doubt that balance will be what takes you farther, faster in your career as an agent.
Congratulations on your engagement, too. Exciting times!!
Thank you for this marvelously honest post! I count myself incredibly fortunate to be represented by such a splendiferous agent.
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful post. Thank you so much for sharing. We all feel like this at times, and it takes strength to back up and say...whoa, not THAT way. :)
ReplyDeleteBecky pointed me in your direction. Loved the post -- very honest and heartfelt. We would all do well to follow this advice.
ReplyDeletehow very kind, and admirable that you'll go public w/admitting to being a human. Kudos, Natalie! And all the best of luck to you~ :o) <3
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Natalie! You will be so much happier, with a fuller heart.
ReplyDeleteWith so much focus on multitasking and efficiency, we've lost a certain amount of quality and mastery. It's clear you will continue to be a master agent who rises above the slush.
I think this applies not only to those in the publishing world, but also to those from other disciplines as well. I'm an artist and I've been feeling what you describe creeping up on me too. It even bleeds into patience/tolerance for others who are earlier than you in the process.
ReplyDeleteIt never hurts to recall one's original mold. Thanks for the memory-jog.
Agents don't have a lot of time, and there's a lot of slush out there to get through besides all your other work. I think most writers understand, since we're all human and have our days of testiness too, but blogs are like going to confession. Your post should have a cleansing effect!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post. I think it can apply to everyone. Life can get busy and overwhelming, but life also needs more people like you. It's hard to accept a weakness and make it a strength. Good luck with everything.
ReplyDeleteThe fact you're challenging yourself (and us!) on this speaks a great deal about your integrity. I also count myself among the lucky to have you for my agent : )
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing. This works with life in general, I think, not only with the publishing industry. It's easy, especially this time of year, to feel overwhelmed due to everything going on (and when that happens, our attitudes can change without us even noticing). Great reminder to keep things in perspective!
ReplyDeleteJessica
Beautifully said. Reminds me of something Walt Disney said: "I have to remember that all this started with just a mouse and a dream." We all start from scratch, but only the lucky ones remember that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post. It's pretty scary being an unpublished author and knowing that your innocent mistake can bring down an avalanche of scorn. I really appreciate your taking the time to reflect and to share this with us, both as a confession and as a warning.
ReplyDeleteHappy holidays!
What a great post--a reminder that we're all human :) And even though we just started strolling down the author/agent path, you've been nothing but gracious. Sending good thoughts for speedy, smooth and bump-less transitions (and congrats on the engagement!) xxxNat
ReplyDeleteThis is a really honest post. Thanks so much for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and really brave of you to admit to this. I queried you not long ago and later realized I made an error that spell check did not catch. But I forgave myself because I can't be perfect ALL the time.lol
ReplyDeleteI think anyone would be very lucky to have you as an agent.
Mom always used to say, "Actions speak louder than words." This post speaks volumes about you as a person...humility is a virtue you obviously possess.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to admit a mistake....and it's way harder to admit that you've become someone that you're not entirely proud of. That takes a lot of moxy.
ReplyDeleteYeah, there are crazies who think they're novel is the next Bible (you probably don't know who you are because you're too nuts, so I'm not really offending anyone), but there are writers (probably the ones commenting) who work hard to craft something worth reading, and I'm glad you're trying to value that hard work by not casting it aside.
And in return we'll try our hardest not to send you a steaming pile of crappy nonsense!
Thanks for posting this. I don't think the problem is limited to publishing. As an attorney, sometimes I have to remind myself to slow down, listen more, and be nicer. So yes, I'm taking your challenge. Good luck with your transition. I think I know what it is.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted this. I just read some agent tweets this week that made me do double takes. The sense of self importance shocked me. I admire your willingness to admit you made an error. That's a wonderful quality to have. I'm a lawyer and a writer and I have always tried to be kind to people and remember we are all the same- human and prone to error. Ego mania is rampant in my career fields and it's refreshing to read your post. Lots of luck with your new endeavor.
ReplyDeleteI didn't think you were like this, since you seem so nice on your blog.
ReplyDeleteBravo. What a great post!
ReplyDeleteOkay, so when my fabulous novel skyrockets both of us right to the bestseller list and then later when it goes all Hollywood, I'll be glad my agent is humble enough for the both of us! ;)
ReplyDeleteAt least you realise you had/have a problem and are trying to fix it, i hope to dear god when i become agented that some one will care about me enough that if i do grow a bigger ego then the one i already have and start changing and stuff that they would kick my but back in to gear, we are the person we are for a reason and sometimes with the preasure of life and events we forget to stand by our morals and values, great post!! stay strong, congrats on the engagement
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed. Good job.
ReplyDeleteIt can be tough. We can become jaded over time and not even notice what's happening to us. One of the hardest things to do is self-diagnose. It's hard on the ego.
You sound like a wonderful person. Enjoy your life, your new man and the wonderful things that will come your way with this kind of wisdom.
Remember; Love withheld serves to only punish yourself.
Creative fields involve so much tiptoeing on egg shells. We all put bits of ourselves on the line whether creating or critiquing which may cause bruising. It's all part of the ride. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteNatalie,
ReplyDeleteThis blog post epitomizes what I adore about you: your sense of humor, your humility, your humanity.
You're fantastic. *hug*
Cyndi
Don't be too hard on yourself, Natalie. At least you have the wisdom to be able to step back and recognize your own mistakes. The problem the vast majority of the time is not that one is arrogant (or rude, egotistical, and even mean) but that they are that way and don't care. If you're willing to make the conscious decision to not allow yourself to be that way then you're way ahead of the curve. Most of us here realize that you are like that already or we wouldn't bother reading this blog lol. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteRay aka Lucas George
You are a gem. :)
ReplyDelete