If You Show an Agent a Contract...

I wrote a little diddy the other day, punch-drunk from exhaustion as I dealt with one crisis after another (aside from wedding planning - 2 months away!! - I had a death in the family AND moved, so yes, I did disappear for a while, and yes, I did spend part of my time writing a ridiculous little poem). Just a little fun to highlight some of my adventures as an agent.

Enjoy!


If you tell an agent about a contract…
She’s gonna want to see it.
And if you show the agent the contract
She’s gonna want to negotiate better terms.
And if she negotiates better terms
She’s gonna want 15%
And if you give her 15%
She’s gonna want you to sign an agreement
And if you sign an agency agreement
She’s gonna want to see your next book
And if you show her your next book
She’s gonna want to do some revisions
And if you revise for her
She’s gonna want to sell it
And if she sells it
She’s gonna need a good advance
and in order to get a good advance
She’s gonna need to kick negotiation booty
And to kick negotiation booty
She’s gonna need to have some leverage
And to have some leverage
She’ll have to have sent it to other editors who want it
And if other editors want it
She’s gonna need some coffee
And if she gets some coffee
She’s gonna need a muffin
And in order to get the muffin
She’s gonna need some money
And to get some money
She needs to close the deal
And in order to close the deal
She needs to have an auction
Except someone wants a pre-empt
-where’s the damn coffee???