Friday, December 21, 2012

Happy Holidays!

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through New York
Not a publisher was stirring, not even for work.
The books were shipped out by UPS with great care,
In hopes that gift card shoppers soon would be there.

The authors were settled, auto-responder up in my stead,
While visions of royalty statements danced in their heads.
And editor in her ‘partment, and I with cat in lap,
Had just settled our brains for a short winter’s nap.

When suddenly from Outlook there arose such a PING!
I sprang from the couch to see what it would bring.
Away to the computer I flew like a flash,
Clicked open the email and read it in a dash.

The white on the page of the email screen
Caused my face to glow with quite a sheen.
When, what to my reading eyes should appear,
But a wonderful offer that had me grinning ear to ear.
I called to the author, so lively and quick,
Who knew in a moment that this call was it!
More rapid than eagles I picked up the phone,
And dialed, and shouted until to all editors it was known!

"Now Penguin! Now, Random House! Now, Simon and Schuster!
On, Macmillan! On, Bloomsbury! On, on Little Brown and Harper!
To the top bidder goes! This is no time to crawl!
Now dash away! Run P&Ls! Have meetings one and all!"

As giraffes that meander in the plains by the by
When in chase by a lion, as gazelles do fly
So up to the pub house-top the editors they flew,
With a pitch full of praise, and comp titles too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the phone
The TING! and DING! of my cell’s ring tone.
As I pressed ANSWER and talked,  what to my eyes
Though the interweb more offers in endless supply.

One was for three books and filled author with glee,
Yet for World rights, it was tarnished – North American was key!
A bundle of good sub splits it had flung on inside,
And it looked like a good deal, made with much pride.

The next – oh how it twinkled! Its zeroes so many!
Promising so much to author, its flaws there weren’t any!
Its territory, splits and royalties tied up like a bow,
And an amazing editor and marketing plan in tow.

A third bid was placed, trying to beat out all the rest,
And on and on they came, with each new bid progressed!
But to the author it was clear which offer to choose,
From a publisher whose backlist had been her muse!

The editor was bubbly and giddy, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I called her, in spite of myself!
The SQUEE! that she gave and the words that she said,
Soon gave me to know we had nothing to dread.

We spoke not another word, but went straight to our work,
Drafting the contract and working out every quirk.
And laying the final X on the dotted line,
The author gave her approval, and it was payment time!

The editor sprang to her office, to her team gave a whistle,
And away the check flew to us like a missile.
But I read from my inbox, ‘ere I shut it down for the night,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"


  1. That. Was. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

  2. I love this. It had me giggling (secretly) in my cubicle at work, and again this morning. :) Happy Holidays!

  3. Love! Happy holidays! Happy New Year!